@Leadfoot,
I disagree with Leadfoot on a number of levels. Mostly because there is no good way to end a relationship, unless both people are in the same place (which is rare). So then, if he truly loves you, why isn't he letting go of her as gently as he can? If he truly cared about her, would he want to keep leading her on?
Certainly if he was truly concerned about hurting her, as he claims, then he wouldn't have started an affair with you.
In all of the above, you were at one stage unknowing, but the same can't be said for him.
Also, there's the particular matter of being true to your principles. People who sacrifice their principles, usually end up both unhappy, and angry towards the person who 'made' them sacrifice their principles (that is, both themselves, and the other person). Your principles are beliefs that you admire. When seen in yourself, they give you something that you find admirable about yourself. Breaking those principles, can result in self recrimination, bitterness, and it
always lowers your self esteem.
If you wonder about the value of self esteem - those who possess it:
- try to elevate others (vs those who try to drag other people down),
- put time and thought into both themselves, and other people
- almost never see a reason for violence or put downs,
- understand that other peoples aggression towards them is more about who that person is (and so, they don't feel the need to fight pettiness with pettiness...but tend to engage is more thoughtful, yet assertive, conflict management)
- engage in far less double standards & are more honest with themselves
- find that material wealth is no where near as valuable as happiness, or other people
- all of the above benefits of self esteem enhances ones happiness
- the opposites undermine happiness
If you look around, you will observe the negatives of breaking your principles consistently - happening in those who consistently break their principles.
Do you really want that?
Or would you prefer that he came to you as a single person, who wants to be with you, and only you....caring for you by helping keep your principles intact, and not wanting behaviour from you that would damage your self esteem?