don't know what to do

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My boyfriend and I have a 3 month old baby together. We don't fight and argue or anything but we did meet online. I found out while I was still pregnant that he had cheated with an older woman that is like a friend with benefits type situation. We got past it and had our baby together. A few weeks ago he just decides out of nowhere that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He says it's not me that it's him. He claims that I have been absolutely perfect to him. He says that he loves me but that he doesn't love me as a woman. Whatever that means. I was checking my email on his tablet and found out that he has been on several dating sites and has an alternate facebook account. I confronted him about it and he said that he just likes to talk to them because it makes him feel good. He says he wouldn't meet them. The things that were said suggests otherwise and we did meet online after all. I've talked to him and determined that he has an addiction to online dating sites. So do I try to get him help and try to get him to work things out with me for the benefit of our daughter or do I just let him go? All of my family is dead and all of his family live far away. All she has is me and him.

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 571 • Replies: 5

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@needinsight,

Dear, come on. Don't be defeat by the current difficulty.
Actually, you just need to do two things: 1) figure out if he is the one that you worth to spend your rest life with. 2) Cheer up, if your boyfriend is a bastard, just let him go, and go find another good person to raise the daughter with you, you shall have faith in yourself will have a better future.

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@needinsight,

Well, he's certainly given himself outs and safety nets, eh?

You are in a lousy, dependent position. Do you have your own money (inheritance, that sort of thing)? Do you work? Because you are probably going to see this relationship end.

I am not saying that it absolutely has to, but he's already cheated and he has the means of doing so again. He is also concealing the truth from you, even if he is not, technically, proactively lying.

This is not a good environment for your daughter to grow up in.

He can (and should!) remain in her life. But it sounds an awful lot as if is already checking out of the relationship.

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@jespah,

I do work full time. My house is paid for and my cars are paid for. He is living with me and he has no place to go.

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@needinsight,

needinsight wrote:

He is living with me and he has no place to go.

to quote the Bard, well actually Dickens

"Are there no prisons?"
"Plenty of prisons..."
"And the Union workhouses." demanded Scrooge. "Are they still in operation?"
"Both very busy, sir..."
"Those who are badly off must go there."
"Many can't go there; and many would rather die."
"If they would rather die," said Scrooge, "they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population."

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@needinsight,

Time for him to find a place to go. No excuses.

As Jespah said, "This is not a good environment for your daughter to grow up in."
I'll add that that starts now.

See an attorney re visitation and so on, but do not let him live with you. He won't be improving anytime soon, especially if you are not firm.
Perhaps he will catch on to responsibility some time in the future, but letting this go as somehow good for your daughter is a big no win for your daughter and you.
See a counselor for yourself to talk a lot of this out.

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don't know what to do

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