The Insult Chain Game

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No, this time they are demolishing the condemned building you're living in. Better get out of there, dumbbell, before the roof collapses on your head.

I am thinking about making a very expensive purchase.

Your credit card's maxed out and your bank is empty. Good luck.

I walked the dogs for an hour this morning.

You mean the dogs walked you you piece of obese lard, the poor animals are totally exhausted from dragging you along.

I'm buying my partner something special for her birthday today.

a loaf of bread is nothing special to most of us, you cheapskate. But then, you live in a cardboard box, so maybe that is special.

It's 30deg C today and bloody hot!

I take it they shut the electric off on you and so you're sitting in that airless attic until you can bamboozle your niece into sending you a check.

Tomorrow I am scheduled for a medical consultation.

Yeah, we heard your condition has your doctor so stumped he's referring you to a Veterinarian. Hope you don't wind up being neutered, but you certainly could use a flea dip.

I'm thinking of taking a short trip tomorrow.

You're always tripping on something, what dope are you taking tomorrow?

My partner was impressed with the birtday present I bough her, a 22 gold carat necklace and a ring with a 1 carat diamond in it.

Then she sneezed and the cheap gold paint came off and the bits of glass fell to the ground breaking showing all you'd gotten was a piece of picture hanging wire. It's astounding how cheap you are to protect your beer money from being used.


The last several days I have been abnormally tired and I realized this feels like March 2009 all over, right down to the same calendar match up of days.

Well, let's hope you're not going to snort some coke as a pick-me-up and go into another cocaine-induced psychotic manic state, like the one in March 2009, when the cops found you cavorting naked in Central Park, flowers in your hair and a bow tied around your penis, celebrating the arrival of Spring in 30 degree temperatures. You were the laughing stock of every news program in the country. Do you still have to wear the fake beard, hat, and sunglasses, when you leave your apartment to avoid being the butt of jokes?

I baked some yummy chocolate chip cookies today.

Looking after your figure is the least of your worries isn't you fat slob, you're so grossly overweight your door frames need widening.

I'm heading out to my stud farm to sell some beasts.

You consider that tacky whorehouse you patronize a "stud farm"? It's a place that caters to types, like you, who are ready for the glue factory, and who have to pay for whatever sexual favors they can get. And, in your case, they have to up their fees to make you more tolerable.

My new GPS is helping me to take trips without getting lost.

Yup, now you can cruise around your 15X14 foot basement room without worry of smashing into the brick wall of the boiler room.

I am having friends over on Saturday and am wondering what type of refreshments to serve.

That's easily fixed, why don't you take them to the Salvo's where you normally go on a Saturday night to get your free meal, I understand it's bangers and mash this weekend. You're friends will appreciate it after eating youir crappy stuff the last time which made them all violently ill.

My beasts brought exceptionally good prices today so tonight I will be celebrating in the flashiest restaurant in town.

Please try to keep your hands to yourself this time. I'm surprised they'll let you in after all the bottom-pinching you did last time.

I'm going exploring outside my city today.

Looking for a new location to pick people's pockets, you creep?

It's been so warm I think I'll buy another fan.

Been watching those hot chick flicks again?

Home again after my night out and my partner is massaging my neck to prevent a migraine coming on.

That's not a migraine, it's the start of your hangover after you raced around the bar taking long gulps of everybody's drinks.


I just had the tastiest grilled cheese sandwich cooked up in bacon fat.

Cardiologists grow wealthy on dietary choices like yours. Don't come here complaining when the chest pains start, you fool, you're asking for them.

I eat a low fat diet.

You should, you great waddling lump, but dumpster-diving isn't low fat, you twit.

We're off to the Calgary Stampede again today. If I hear one more twanging country song I'm going to do something drastic.