Original Songs

On the contrary, NYA. That was quite good.

NYA, I especially like the chorus there.

Beedle, yeah, I am basically just dumping songs from my youth here. Rereading them, I find I was bound to structure, and perhaps I still am. The last song I wrote (and it has been a long time) was for my brother's wedding this year, upon his request. He married a lovely Japanese woman, and the ceremony was in two languages, including three translators. I wrote my song in three verses of haiku, with a single riff in D, including the ever-popular minor third.

This one I have never performed, as the people involved were too close to me. The intro came from something I actually saw scrawled on a subway wall, and the story is, at it's heart true, wrapped up in the fiction of the two girls:

This is the story of Jen and Melissa who wrote out their names on a cold subway wall
while the sun, it went down and snowflakes peppered their faces.
They were at the same school, they knew all the same people, their friendship was stronger than most.
Between two little girls there was always a shoulder to lean on.

The years they flew by, the girls they got older, lovers, they came and they went,
but then came the day when Melissa fell harder than ever.
She said "Jen there's a man I've been seeing a lot lately, I think that I've fallen in love.
He's wild and he's free and he's dangerously perfect for me."

Chorus:
Don't cash in your dreams on an out-of-sorts lover
who looks like heaven in hand-me-down clothes.
Follow your heart, but try not to let it take over.

Jen was protective, she said "Listen here, if you're looking for thrills, that's okay.
But don't get too close for a dream can turn sour in a day."
Melissa said "Jen, don't be pessimistic, try to be happy for me,
for he might be the man that I marry, someday in the future."

They had a good laugh at this faraway thought, and parted with many kind words,
but they drifted soon after Melissa moved in with her man.
Bill was a loner, a quiet sort of guy, with a chip on his shoulder the size of a truck,
and he worshipped Melissa just a little too much to trust her.

(Chorus)

Melissa had always dreamed of being famous, a singer, or maybe a dancing career,
but Bill told her "Honey, I'd die if you ever left me."
At first this was sweet, but the tone quickly changed as Melissa grew anxious to follow her dreams,
and one night the back of Bill's hand broke her dream into pieces.

It was raining and late when Jen heard the doorbell, Melissa had come to her bruised and in tears,
and Jen took her in, and quietly took in her story.
In the back of her mind Jen said "I told you so" but never let on to that thought,
for between two good friends there should only be shoulders to lean on.

(Chorus)

Melissa healed slowly, but Jen, she stood by her, and helped her get back on her feet,
and Bill was arrested and charged with assault soon after.
Though the names have been changed all these people are real, and the truth is that Bill has never been charged,
but Melissa gets by with help from a few of her friends.

(Chorus)

NewYorkAsked, you're right in saying that there is exceptional talent on this thread and you fit right in.

Cav, your (very good) last song reminded me of the Dixie Chicks:

Right away Maryanne flew in from atlanta on a red eye, midnight flight
She held Wanda's hand, and they worked out a plan, and it didn't take them long to dicide

That Earl had to die...

Goodbye Earl
Those black eyed peas, they tasted alright to me, Earl
You feelin' week? Why don't you lay down and sleep, Earl
Aint it dark, wrapped up in that tarp, Earl?

I found myself singing that song alot when my cousin was getting divorced from her husband of 42 years. (We do tend to be slow learners in this family.)

nice
Cavfancier I love the song about Jen and Melissa. And it does sound like that Dixie Chicks song.

itchy feet
ITCHY FEET--------------------------------------------

Itchy feet
Clambering o'er mountains
Thrashing arms
Swimming thru the ocean
Pumping legs
Running o'er the landmass
My itchy feet
Need a damn good scratching
Got toothbrush & a comb
Clean underwear
A change of socks
A pocket full of cash
But my pack of smokes
They're all still damp
And taste of bloody salt
Still
I'm sitting in the shade of an
old time family diner
No Chevy at the gas pumps
Cos the gas is all used up
No tow-truck in the workshop
No cars are driving past
Instead they're on the multi-lane
Just a couple of miles west
Above my head a signboard says
In flakey faded paint
"The Wanderer, Home Cooked Food &
Fresh Brewed Coffee"
I guess the owners got itchy feet instead
Just a bit like me.
Instead there's weeds & stuff
growin' thru the porch
That they might start the food chain
as varmints scuttle past
But from underneath an oil drum
A rattler quietly crawls looking for his dinner
Well bollox, I'm outta here
I've got a ways to go
To the east, below the sun
There's a thousand miles of coastal swamp
Twixt thee & me my love
Too far to walk
But hey
Is that a Greyhound comin' down
I hope it ain't got fleas

Hey, Oakman. Superb...Cav is in the process of working out a new thread. More details later, but needless to say, your talent takes me away.

When you speak of the country diner...weeds growing through the porch...it makes me quite nostalgic.

Hmmmm. My feet are itching

hi letty you little suthern ding dong, yeah i've been there, seen it, eaten it, done the dishes, got sore fingers (no washing up gloves), got guts aches, sore bum & couldn't sit for a week and had to sleep with the roaches

Here's a work in progress....squinney says it reminds her of something else....but I think it's very original....

Goodbye Bitch

Billy Joe and Andy were the best of friends
all through their high school days
They went cruisin' for chicks
and dippin' their wicks
every Friday and Saturday.....

after graduation Billy Joe went out
on tour with a skateboard team
Andy looked all around his town
and found a girl named Maureen....

She had big old tits
and dick sucking lips
that drove young Andy wild......
and she was hot like fire 'til young Andy squired...
her to church and down the aisle

Things started going bad when Maureen got bitchy
and refused to give him head....
She put a big vibrator called The Terminator"....
In the night stand next to her bed......

Now Billy Joe came home and saw that Andy
was a real unhappy man....
So they started to think
over hot wings and drinks
and came up with a plan.......

The Bitch had to die!!!!!!!!! la la la la la la......
biiiiiitch....you gotta die






anyhow, I'm working on it.......what do you think?

It's certainly evocative BPB.

Evocative, yeah, that's the word.....and funny.

Oak, that is the kind of song that appeals to all--even those who have never seen an old, deserted place like that. In the southwest, they are all over and seem so poignant and lonely.
Let's hear some more from you, please.

I forgot to mention how funny BPB's song was Actually, I didn't, I thought 'evocative' was funny enough. Hmm...gotta dig up some more hoary chestnuts from the archives....

Hmmm. Bet Elizabeth Dole wouldn't find Bi's song funny..except in private, perhaps.

I wanna hear more about Cav's hoary chestnuts.

Ahh, hoary chestnuts....good stuff, them. Thanks Eva. Here is a bit of spleen vented upon lovers everywhere during a dark time, a long time ago, in a galaxy far away:

SONG FOR SPRINGTIME LOVERS

The rain falls slick on the city streets, a pair of happy lovers duck beneath an archway
where my spit still burns a hole in the corner.
The sun melts the stone in her heart, spring puts the fire in her eyes,
and a boy takes her hand and says "I understand your desires."

Chorus:
When a kiss is like poison and a song is like rain
I'll dance with you 'til we switch partners again,
and if there's something left of the love we have shared,
perhaps we'll do coffee sometime.

The flowers push their heads through the cracks in the streets, reflecting a state of terminal grace,
built on the solid foundation of last year's remains.
He'd like to make love to you under the stars, but not before one final trip to the bar,
a couple of drinks makes love easier, don't you agree?

(Chorus)

Bridge:
At the first sign of green in this city of ours,
his thoughts turn to purchasing candy and flowers
to woo the young lady who's fresh as the spring,
isn't hormonal upset a fine thing?

When your city streets are polluted with lovers, and you want to kill all of the birds with one stone,
remember that everything changes with a change in the weather.
So if springtime is for the fickle-hearted, and winter is for the rotten in soul,
just give me a season that gives me a reason to sing.

(Chorus)

I knew I had something bitter stored away.

Yikes! The dark side of Cav.
How about partly cloudy with drizzle in the afternoon, drizzling out toward morning in late fall?

, Diane, that was an inspiration:

The onomatopoeia of the sprinkler system.

Requiem for Pete:

Fog seeped in and put the night to sleep.
With frigid finger stroked the eyelids closed.
The unborn song died in the quiet throat
And vibrated there.

But no different was the night
Than when he watched with velvet eyes,
The world beneath him breathing sighs.

And should we in the brazen heat of day
Cry out and pray,
Then let the brittle sorrow of our plight
Be soothed by the gentle truth of night
The truth of night.

For my young friend, a budding musician, who died under mysterious circumstances at nineteen.

Diane, I was once booed offstage at an open mike folk night for singing that song, which I considered a great honour.

Letty, I really like that piece...

I wrote this in high school for a girlfriend who ran away from home:

FALLEN ANGEL

Fallen angel, every leaf that hits pavement tonight belongs to you.
When your pedastals crumbled by the light of the waning moon, you ran for, you fled for friendlier skies.
You've made me quite crazy with worry for you dear, wish that I could help you somehow.

Chorus:
What good is a friend that you can't turn to?
What good is a shoulder you can't lean on?

If it's a friend you need, you know I'm here for you, darling, don't leave me stranded.
Remember, those who have scorned you must be forgiven, and you must forgive.
The night sky seems so empty without your silver lining to light my way back home.

Chorus:
What good am I if you can't talk to me?
What good am I without your love?

Bridge:
In my eyes, you can do no wrong, there'll always be a place for you in my heaven.
So I raise another glass, in the hopes that you'll be coming home,
In this ether daze, I can swear I see you smiling.

Chorus:
What good is leaving if I can't find you?
What good is living if you can't be mine?

Fallen angel, every foot that hits the streets tonight belongs to you.
If I were selfish, I'd say "how could you do this to me", but in this circumstance all I can do is wish you well.

(1st chorus)

This one I actually have on tape somewhere.

Re: No title
First I would like to say that I do read a lot of raw talent on this thread. Even I am raw, I am not perfect in any way. I say this because I am not trying to be mean or rude towards anyone when I suggest something. I understand how everyone can be very overprotective of their work because it is so personal. I understand that I have been a victim to that. I am just making suggestions.



I really like this wording except for the last line. Echoes in the hollows is awesome. I read that and thought why I didn't come up with that first. But the problem is with "of my brain" it is missing something. The lines flow so well and then the last line drops the flow a little short. I just think if there was something added in it would keep the flow.



I like this chorus. Very good job but the second line when it comes to heaven it screws up the flow. Unless Heaven plays a major roll in the entire song dropping "for heaven" does allow the chorus to flow much better.



I like these lines but I think they are the weakest out of the whole song. It is only a suggestion, as is everything else, but this is how I thought of it after I read it and it might work better. But it is yours and I could be making you very upset right now, which is not my intentions, I just thought people would like good suggestions to make them better.

Imprinted on sand and lost in candy stores
Everything that makes me what you thought
Every sigh and every question
Every shock that burned me.



I think this is very good and flows well and I really like "your mute words come to me." And I think the name of your song is at the end of your song-Obeyed. It sounds like it is going to be a song about Obeyed but it isn't which goes with "everlasting irony." Or so I think. I hope I did not offend you. As a whole this song was good but it just had some minor problems that if worked out would make it better.

cavfancier

I liked the Song for Spring Time Lovers it was great. It started a little slow because the first line was a little wordy, no offence. But it was really good. I like the Bridge a lot. Where it says "this city of ours" I thought it was "THE city of ours". I liked it either way. Great job.