Still gaga for the Brit, not sure how to act with him.....?

Hey all. This is long, but please read. It'll only take a few minutes. I appreciate it. Some of my postings are under the screename "MissIntrigued", but all are in the following threads.

For anyone that cares, the story thus far is portrated in previous postings (eg- "how soon can you tell him how you feel" and "can anything come from a long distance meeting")

But basically, I met a guy in England online, we had wonderful email exchanges daily for a month or two before I decided on a whim to go visit him, and we got along fantastically in person in every way, personality wise, physically, etc. We flew back and forth to visit each other several times over 9 months, and we emailed and/or texted and/or called nearly everyday. He would say wonderful things abou tme, how he thought I was brilliant, funny, sexy, amazing, yadda yadda, call me at 3 in the morning drunk to tell me he's thinking about me. Told all his friends and his brother and mother about me. I met all of them except his mom when I went to England (she lives outside London).

Then on my last trip to London, something changed. When I landed it was the same still, he looked really happy to see me and it was great. Then over the next couple of days he acted slightly different. i couldn't put my finger on it but something was off. There were a couple things I was wondering if I shouldnt have said, but I tried to put that idea off.

Then I come home to NY and I stop getting emails and calls every day. The emails I do get no longer have an "xoxo" at the end of them. So obviously, something is up. After a month, I drag it out of him on the phone. Apparently, things I said on my last trip made him believe I wanted something serious right now, and he realized he did not want something serious so he felt it was best to "put the brakes on", but that I was "quality, amazing, sexy, intelligent, funny" and he "really enjoys spending time with me" and that I am "an incredible girl in so many ways" and that he "could well come to regret the decision [he's] made". He also said he wanted to keep in contact and that if I was in London at some point he would be upset if I didn't let him know I was there. Oh, and he mentioned he had gone out a few times with another girl. Nothing serious, and he didnt go out with her until after my last trip, but he thought he would let me know. He also expressed that he has never had a relationship that has lasted even a year, and that apparently he is not in the mindset to do so now, for whatever reason.

I guess Im confused. Do you think this is because of him just not seeing any long term potential with me as a person, or did the fact that he was really liking someone who lived really far away freak him out? Or is he being honest that he honestly is just not relationship minded right now? He is 28 years old, and just about the happiest person I've ever met with respect to how their life is going right now. He has an amazing job that he loves that lets him travel everywhere, have fun, and party. He just bought his first flat in London. he loves his friends. basically there is nothing about his life that upsets him right now. So I guess he is enjoying being single, I dont know.

I never asked him for a relationship, per say, but I guess I was stupid and should have known better than to say some things to a guy. When I was there last time I told him I was thinking about moving to London (which, mind you, I told him the first time I spoke to him so he knew this was something I had contemplated before I met him). But I asked him what he thought of me moving to London, and I suppose in my stupid girly way was hoping to get a positive response affirming he would like me closer to him, but he didn't really answer me at all. He avoided the question and when I pressed on he just said "well, dont do it because of me". The next morning I was being a bit huffy because i was pissed he hadn't given me a response I wanted I suppose, and he took that to be a sign of me wanting a serious relationship. I also stupidly told him I hadn't been with any other guy but him since I met him, in passing, and god knows why I told him that. I guess I thought he'd like to hear that I wasn't sleeping around with other people. Stupid me huh?

So as it is now, we occasionally communicate via emails/facebook. I try to hold back from writing him back right away or writing emails that are very long in an attempt to seem disiniterested and like I don't care about him. I actually AM going to London in less than two months for 10 days, but I have not told him I am coming. I am staying with another friend of mine that lives there, that he has met. I sent him a package "by accident" that was meant for her, and he is supposed to meet her to give it to her. I told her to mention in passing that I was coming to town as if she thought he would have known, to see how he responds.

Should I do that? Or should I tell him I am coming to town myself? or both?

I am trying not to think about him, i really am. I try to go out with other guys, to occupy myself with school and work and going out with friends but I think about him all the time and even though I can distract myself and have fun with other guys that I've been going out, none of them make me feel remotely like he does. It's frustrating; I am intelligent, funny, attractive and have no problems attracting people, and yet I sit here pining for a man across an ocean that all but told me he sees no long term potential with me, despite thinking I am incredible in every way. I guess those things he said , like saying he could well come to regret breaking it off with me, give me some false hope that well, maybe he will see that we were good and regret his decision. I guess Im being silly, but Im hoping that , given time, he'll get over his phase of wanting to be single and carefree and realize that we had a good thing going.

I am still planning on moving to London for a year or two before I start medical school, so who knows I guess.....

Anyway, any input or advice would be appreciated. I know its tough to dole out opinions when you dont know the people or really the situation past what I've told you, but sometimes objective outside opinions can help. Thanks again

WhatToDo/MissIntrigued