I can't write this email...

At least, I've written it but I can't bring myself to hit "send." Thought I'd run it past you guys before I do.

There is a kid in sozlet's kindergarten class who I'll call Sally. She moved here right before school started (a lot of people do that). She had a hard time making friends at school -- she and sozlet mostly got along. Sozlet has maybe 10 good friends (playdates, etc.), this girl is one of them.

On their first playdate, at Sally's house, sozlet came home and wrote furiously in her (private) journal. I tried not to pry but she was definitely put out about something, and I thought I saw the word "Sally." It gradually emerged that she just didn't have fun but thought there was something bad about that -- she didn't want to tell me or E.G. She was hugely relieved when we said it was OK.

Nothing BAD happened, it's just that Sally was really grabby and bossy and sozlet plain didn't have fun. I didn't reciprocate with a playdate invitation.

When I'd volunteer at school, there often seemed to be episodes of grabbiness -- Sally would tell sozlet that she couldn't play with someone, sozlet would get mad and tell the teacher, the teacher would resolve the situation. ("Now Sally, sozlet can play with whomever she wants..." etc.)

A while later, Sally's mom (who I like) called and asked if sozlet would like to come to the pool with them. I asked her, she said fine (if not very enthusiastically). They went, it was OK -- there were more problems of the same type. (There were other kids at the pool that sozlet knew, Sally would interfere if sozlet tried to talk to them, etc.) I had expected that something like that would happen and before she left reminded her that she was there with Sally and should stay with her, she said afterwards that she did keep playing with Sally but Sally wouldn't let her pay ANY attention to her friends at all.

I didn't reciprocate that one either.

Then we went to a community event. Sally was there. Lots of other people sozlet knew were there, too. Same old thing. Sozlet went up to an old friend of hers, a good friend from preschool who she doesn't see that often anymore, and Sally got between them and when sozlet said something like "hey that's my friend!" Sally said, "you're lying, you don't even know him, you just met him." (I saw this part, it was with a ton of attitude.)

Sozlet was FURIOUS and came stomping back to where we were and told us what happened, Sally's mom talked to her (I didn't see what she said, exactly). Kept happening the whole time. Sozlet tried to play with other people, Sally'd run interference.

Sozlet was about as mad as I'd ever seen her by the time we got home, I really had to talk her down.

So I was cleaning up my desk and found a note I'd made of Sally's class list for next year (they won't be in the same class), because I knew Sally's mom was interested. I copied it down in an email and sent it to her. She wrote back right away, thanks so much and Sally is dying to have a playdate with sozlet, what would be a good time?

I asked sozlet if she wanted a playdate with Sally, she said NO. Emphatic.

This is what I've written (after some other general stuff) (name changed):

Unfortunately, when I asked sozlet, she said she'd prefer not to have a playdate with Sally right now. I'm not quite sure how to handle that. I want to respect her preferences, but I know that she can have fun with Sally, too. I think I'm not going to push it for now -- I'm sure the kids will see each other a lot this summer (pool, library, etc.) and sozlet will probably get over it.

I'd written a "well we'll be busy..." thing first but it just rang too false for me. Is this too bald, though? Keep things more general, then have the conversation in person? (Will probably run into them before too long.)

Thanks.