feeling hurt - wifes pension or me!

There's two possibilites:

1) he is giving you a very frank, open and honest view to the future with him.

2) He is a lying, egg-sucking dog of a man who doesn't want you any closer than he has you now.

Do some research: Have you ever heard of someone losing what I would think would be benefits inherited through a pension plan by moving in with someone or even getting married? What kind of pension plan would force a person to live alone the rest of their lives?

Joe(Something smells and it ain't my nose)Nation

Moving in with someone won't do it (at least, not anywhere that I am aware of) but remarrying is a very common reason for terminating survivor's benefits in pension plans.

What Joe and Fishin' said.

We don't really have enough information here, and you might not either. You say the "pension" was from a large salary. In many cases, and this is more frequent with "pensions" from high paying positions, the retirement money is not paid into a general group retriement fund, but put into an annuity. Many people in high-level executive positions get this, and even insist upon it. When someone dies and their beneficiary gets the annuity, they don't get the capital, they get a "life interest." That means they get paid from the annuity for as long as they live. It doesn't matter if they move in with someone, and it doesn't even matter if they remarry, if they have a life interest in an annuity.

Some group pensions might terminate upon remarriage, but even that is not a universal provision. A company i worked for a few years ago set up a pension plan (i was responsible for doing that), and eventually settled on a small group annuity, just because it pays out to the principal, and gives a life interest to the sole beneficiary (it also have a provision for the principal to take loans secured by their share of the annuity, and after retirement, to take a limited pay-out of the capital, but that can only be done after retirement--all of those features made it the most attractive plan).

I strongly suspect that you are being fed a line of burro poop.

BM

in the U.K. the law is if you live with someone or re-marry the wifes pension stops. I have looked into this and its definately true.

Well, we didn't know you were in the UK--so how could we be expected to give you a cogent answer? I know other English speakers resent the "Americano-centric" attitude here, but if you speak standard English and you post here, the odds are that you are American, and we will assume that unless we know differently.

Anyway, if you knew this to be true, why did you ask us?

Perhaps Karen45 is asking if anyone else has had the experience of a partner choosing to retain a pension over making a commitment to them? Ask yourself if this man could manage financially without that pension. If the answer is "no" can you/are you willing to help financially to make up the difference if you move in together? And what happens to him if you decide in future to separate? If the answer is "yes" then he's decided the extra money is more important than a live-in commitment to your relationship -- at least for now. (What's wrong with a little space anyway? Romance doesn't pay the bills.)

Pretty sneaky of the UK. I live in a senior development. There are plenty of couples living together without getting married because of pension concerns.

From what I can see, most of the U.K. pension laws list "cohabitation as husband and wife" as one of the reasons for terminating a pension.

So circumvent the law. It doesn't seem to be very hard to do. You could, for example, buy a house and rent a room out to him. (or he could buy and rent to you.) OR either of you could rent an apartment (flat) and sub-let to the other...

If there is any questioning from the pension folks you pull out your rental argreement as proof that you aren't cohabitatng.

Fishin makes a great suggestion, which I just may use myself one day.