Only 2 more months to go!

Soooo, you were trying for 2 years to get pregnant...which makes you 14 and trying to get pregnant.

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You are still a baby yourself. Why were you trying to get pregnant? How are you going to finish high school with a baby? Are you insane? Or lying?

Well maybe you will have enough energy to do it all. I am much older and babies and young children require all your attention. I work full time with two young children. I am married to my hubby who recently bought his own business so he is not around as much. So I can understand about carrying a full load with kids.

If you try hard and your heart is truly in it, it is possible but you will be in one word - tired. You will have little time for fun especially going to college with a young child. How will you study? The child will be vying for your attention when you need to study - perhaps after the child's bedtime - at least that is when I get to cleaning, paying bills, and any other of the million things that need to be done around the house.

Heartburn - takes some tums - they also have the added benefit of calcium.

I too think 16 is way too young for a baby, but you're two weeks away so you need to look forward and try your best for the baby's sake. It certainly will not be easy and babies are very expensive. I do wish you and your child the best .

Re: Only 2 more months to go!
I wish you well Loren, but the vast majority of girls your age who have babies end up in poverty and alone - something like 95%. You have missed out on all the great things young women get to do before they settle down. I assume the father is young too, so he will always wonder what he's missed and one day he may try and find out.

I will leave the hands on mothering advice to the experienced mothers on this forum. I hope one day you will think back on this post as a wiser, more mature woman and understand why the women here write to you as we do. I hope you are able to beat the odds and make yourself a complete person by becoming much more than just a baby mama, but it will be a tough uphill climb.

Gosh, when I was your age I was planning my first trip to Paris... When you're my age (46) some kid(s) will probably be calling you grandma.

This post has made me sad.

Good luck.

No I wasnt trying to get pregnant for 2 years. I was jsut surprised that I didnt get pregnant sooner. I have verything planned out and I know its going to work. There are a lot of things out there that can help me. I will finish high school. I already have 2 babysitters for me. but I really dont need them becasue my boyfriend is going to be home when Im at schoo. So he can take part in his resposiblity when Im gone.

I havent missed out on anything and Im not going to either. Ive done my fair share of ahving fun and I can tell you the truth I really could care less of going out and partying and all that. I really dont like it and Im not going to do that. For my boyfirend hes 18 almost 19 years old is done with that too. Hes never really liked doing that. he watches all of his freinds get into trouble. Im not going to thknk back on this becasue I really dont think its that big of a deal. Ive got things all ready and noting is going to stop me from what I want to do in my life. Im going to graduate Im going to go to college. My collge is only 6 months. Im a mature girl for my age. I dont mean to sound bitchy to any one but Im really happy right now and I dont thnk that there is anything wrong.Thank you for evertything youve said. I know that im not going to hear what I want at times but the I am.

I don't think you sound "bitchy" Loren. I think you are just very, very naive. Well intended, but naive and the above statement proves. You are in for the ride of your young life and it's mostly going to be a rough (even downward) road. A truly mature girl would never get herself in the situation you are describing. A truly mature girl would enjoy her childhood, have a blast at college, travel, have a few love affairs and find herself a career that would allow her never to be at the mercy of a man's paycheck. She would then find a mature, stable man and start a family with money in the bank, a secure home and skills that the job market wants to pay for whenever she decides to go back to work.

Knock um dead, Loren, and congratulations! I'm sure you have plenty of people in your life already to rain on your parade. Don't let um get you down. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to.

As a wise woman frequently says; Hold your dominion.

Reading this post makes me feel strange.

I can almost, word for word, write it myself.

instead of 16, I was 19 he was 22.
Same diffrence in age. Same thoughts, same mind set.

I did not finish highschool.
I did later on though. Went to college later on too. So I got to accomplish what I needed to.

But , my issue was that everyone was ready to tell me that I could not make it and noone was ready to tell me what it is really like as a parent.
And as a child, all i wanted to do was tell them that I had it all planned out and I knew what I was doing. I was too arrogant to see that I knew nothing of parenting and what it was going to take to balance it all out. I thought I knew it all.

EVERY adult and EVERY person has NO knowledge of what it is like to be a parent until they are one. Period.

I think, what you may need to hear and understand is that school may have to take a pause for a while.
Realize, babies dont sleep on a regular basis.
Your body needs to recover from having that child.
You will need to be with that child 24-7 at first if you are going to breast feed.
babysitters are wonderful. And I am glad to hear that you have one.. or two right??! Lucky !!!
But seriously.
You need to know that sleep will be hard. Life will NOT be easy. In ways you have no concept of. Not because you are not smart, but because you dont have a child yet.

Basic things like eating , sleeping, showering, washing your clothes, studying.. all of that is about to go on the back burner for a baby.
Please dont think you can do it all at once.
Taking time out of school ( 2-4 months) may be the best thing you can do.
It will help you establish a routine. It will help you learn how to handle being a parent. It will help you and your boyfriend learn how to be parents TOGETHER instead of one at a time.

With you in school that is what will happen.

You wont be there to help him during the day, and when you are home, he will be so tired, he wont be able to help you because he will need the rest.
So that will leave you up all night, while he sleeps... and then.. in the morning you are off to school with little sleep, and no time to prepare.

It is not a failure to make time to stop school for a while to adjust to being a parent. In fact, it might be a step in the right direction for you.

Being a parent is hard.
Take some time to prepare and learn how to do that well before you hammer out school.
You are young. School will be there in a few months.

Im not saying quit school.
Im just saying you will need some time. You will need to adjust.
And not taking the time to adjust and trying to plunge ahead in school while raising a new baby may make you fail out of school.
THAT is a hard hole to dig your way out of.

Can your school help you by sending work home with you?
Can you study at home after you have the child and keep up with class that way? In your spare time?


I will stop giving out tons of advice, but it can be done. You are right. And if you want to do it, you will do it well.
Just please , PLEASE take some time to be a parent first.

Good luck during your pregnancy, Loren. I relate with the heartburn, and though I don't recall what I did about that years ago, I know now that not eating any food at least two hours before bedtime is helpful. Should you wake up with this painful condition, drink a glass of water. Also, eating almonds keep the heartburn away.

My niece got pregnant at 17, boyfriend 19 (she was to receive a 4-yr. scholarship). Oh, they had some rough times even with much assistance from family. Don't know how they managed it, but both have college degrees now, and both good jobs. He's a tech for AMD, she just got her first job as a legal assistant (mostly computer courses, or through scholarships. The kids are fine, extreeeeemly independent now, but girl that was hard for them. Take care of yourself, eat healthy, take vitamins, and keep yourself regular.

WOW! Has YOUR life always gone according to plan, GW?! Mine sure hasn't! (If yours has, consider yourself lucky, not mature.)

Of course she's naive, she's 16!!! Give her a break. I think she deserves credit for continuing with school and making plans for how she'll get by after the baby comes. Hell, I doubt I would have been that mature at 16. I'm sure she knows she has a tough road ahead of her, but a positive outlook can only help.

Thanks your the only one that has even said anything like that. I do have it all planned out and I think that its going to work.

Thanks for all the advise you have gave me. But Im not going to be taking time off from school though. I believe that I can really do this. I will be a great mom. It will all work out but I will take in what all you have said! Thanks

Eva, I'm not trying to be mean - I've just have seen this story over and over and never with a happy ending. I think of the successful women (emotionally, family and career) I've known in my life and none of them had babies as teenagers. I've worked for literacy volunteers, food pantries, and homeless shelters for women. The one thing the women who needed these services all had in common was the fact that they had babies in their teens, before they had the economic and emotional skills to deal with it. I've listened to woman after woman regret having children when they were so young and unskilled. It's not that they don't love their children, actually I think it's because they do love them, that they have regrets. They only wished they could have been better prepared to take on the incredible task of caring for a child.

I've helped young mothers apply for WIC and gov't subsidized housing. I've listened to them tell me how their boyfriends got bored being young dads and left them for other women (who also always end up pregnant). I've helped them fill out the legal work to go after these guys for child support. I've helped them apply for financial aid so they can get into a community college. I rarely see them go beyond the paycheck to paycheck lifestyle at best, at worst they suck off the government for years out of necessity. I've seen their children follow in their footsteps.

Come on - the father here was having unprotected sex with a 15 year old? That's not OK in my book.

I hope Miss Loren proves me dead wrong. I hope she makes me eat my words and grovel an apology. I hope she gets to say "I told you so you old witch!"- Nothing would make me happier.

I can promise you I will write you back when i have this child and prove you wrong. Im not a low life person and Ive got my head in the right place. Ive got everyhting all set and thigs are going to go great. Im not meaning to sound so bitchy but Ive had great paernts to teach my things. Ive ALWAYS been a very independent women and I make good choices. People might nmot think that Im in the right doing but Ive got things straight in my head and Im not going to give up. Im going to fight for what I want in my life and a child wil make me evn stronger with the things that I do.

Please dont hear me say that I dont think you can do it.

I DO think you can do it, ...it is just... as a parent, I had no clue what I was in for before my daughter was born, and I wished that I had someone who could have told me how hard it was in an honest way instead of sugar coating it and making it sound easy.

If staying in school is the plan then stick to it.
Make sure you have lots of back up babysitters, and family members because you WILL need it. But if the break comes, if the option is there, and if you ever feel you need to, please dont feel bad about taking a break from school.

being a parent is hard. Very hard. But it is one of the best things I have ever done in my whole life.

I've seen this story over and over too, GW. I think we all agree that people are better equipped to handle parenting when they are older and more established. But...the fact is, it's too late to have that discussion. She is already pregnant. VERY pregnant!

So...what can you say to Loren that will actually HELP her?

Fair enough.

One: Loren should make a contract with herself. She should write down all her hopes and dreams and goals. She should post it where she can see it to remind herself why she is working so hard, and why it will be worth it to keep going and become the best that she can be. It is easy to forget our goals when things do not go smoothly. This document should be a map to success for her own reference.

Two: She should keep a journal or diary starting now. She should write this journal to her child and honestly tell her experiences as a young mother. She should use this journal to learn from and teach her child what it is like to have a baby at 16.

Three: She should expect the best (she already does), but prepare for the worst. She should concentrate on getting good, marketable skills and she should start a savings account for herself and the baby. The goal should be $5000 in three years. If she puts away $5 a day for three years she will have over $5000 and a safety net for emergencies. She should tell NO ONE about this money- it's her secret. If she doesn't need it, she can put it towards her child's college fund.

Four: She should take control of her body and not have any more children until she can support herself, and the baby, with or without a man.

Those are very good ideas, GW!

I have a friend who was a teenage mother. She went through some very hard times, and always says that if she hadn't had her son, she wouldn't have made it. "One look in that little face, and I knew I had to keep going," she says, "because he deserved the best." The child gave her the incentive she needed to make a good life for herself, and kept her from giving up when things looked impossible. It was tough, but she is quite successful now. Who knows if she ever would have accomplished so much if she hadn't had a reason beyond herself.

It's not so much what happens to you as how you decide to take it.

Not using protection is just as good as trying.

You obviously know what causes babies...why didn't you prevent?