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dating today

 
 
OGIONIK
 
Reply Sat 12 May, 2007 08:43 am
Im 21 year old male and new to dating, or so i thought. Iv'e always had friends with benifits. But the older i get i realise ive never had a serious relationship, and while im out involved with another one night stand my friends are at home with their wives/serious girlfriends.I dont know anything about dating or relationships, but i do know i dont like coming home alone at night even if i did get laid.( my longest relationship is 5 weeks, and we broke up like 3 times)

What advice can you give me on how to date? should i just stay with the friends with benifits and one night stands until i maybe meet a girl i like? or should i be looking for the relationship right off the bat?

I dont have any clue on how to start or even how rewarding a relationship is, should i even consider a relationship this young? I feel like im missing out on something, but i dont know if im ready for "love" yet.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 1,127 • Replies: 13
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 May, 2007 10:49 am
Ogionik--


Quote:
What advice can you give me on how to date? should i just stay with the friends with benifits and one night stands until i maybe meet a girl i like? or should i be looking for the relationship right off the bat?


You want a steady girl friend because you think a steady girl friend would make your life more comfortable for you.

What do you have to offer her?
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Juanita1927
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 May, 2007 07:09 pm
Hey there,

Firsty I wouldnt really worry...you are only 21!! You still have plenty of time. Where Im from most guys dont settle down until their late 20's. Just enjoy yourself, make sure you use protection. When the right girl comes along you will know. There are no rules to having a relationship (thats what makes it so hard and fun at the same time Smile)
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OGIONIK
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 May, 2007 02:38 am
Noddy24 wrote:
Ogionik--


Quote:
What advice can you give me on how to date? should i just stay with the friends with benifits and one night stands until i maybe meet a girl i like? or should i be looking for the relationship right off the bat?


You want a steady girl friend because you think a steady girl friend would make your life more comfortable for you.

What do you have to offer her?


Besides great sex? haha , j/k Smile

Im not to sure what a woman would want me to offer her.
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 May, 2007 07:42 am
Ogionik--

What about a sincere listening ear? Aside from listening being the only way of getting to know someone in depth, listening intently shows interest and is very flattering for the speaker.

What interests to you have--besides sex--that you'd like to share with a partner?

Are you the sort of person who keeps promises and honors commitments? If you tell a woman you'll pick her up at 8:30 on Saturday do you follow through? Or do you figure if something more interesting comes up, that's great for you?

Women are people--and want to be treated as people.
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OGIONIK
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 May, 2007 08:03 am
Im a great listener, i love being intimate, if i say something i follow through, im not naive, i know how to take the lead on things, sex is fun but i want someone who i can have a deep conversation with as well, which turns out is alot harder than i thought...

its like picking looks or intelligence, the ugliest girls i mess around with have the fun personalities, but the girls that are dumb as hell have bodies like WHOAH.

I think i might just put a relationship on the back burner until i want kids or something.
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 May, 2007 03:55 pm
Ogionik--

If you're looking for intellectual women, remember that they aren't necessarily hanging out in bars.

Start spending some time and money following intellectual interest that intrigue you and start to meet women with whom you share interests.

On other threads your attitude has been a rather old-fashioned and unliberated. This could offend intelligent women.
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OGIONIK
 
  1  
Reply Tue 15 May, 2007 01:57 am
LOL, i can be a bit annoying at times. Smile
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Tue 15 May, 2007 09:59 am
Ogionik--

Every so often you're going to have to put your Inner Chauvenist Pig on a short leash. Further, you should always have a muzzle handy.
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Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 May, 2007 11:11 am
Less Hubris... More Humility
Forgive me here for this, but ... :

The only TRULY ugly person is the one who thinks others to be ugly.

Not everyone can be physically attractive, but once you develop some depth and compassion for others, you'll find their inner beauty...the kind that lasts. It takes patience, compassion and TIME, a seemingly rare commodity in today's young men and women.

Try, as well, to put immediate gratification aside.
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flushd
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 May, 2007 06:33 am
If you are looking for someone special to spend quality time with, and for it to possibly go somewhere other than just bed, one great thing to do is to NOT waste time with people who don't have the qualities that really mean something.

So if you go on a few dates with a woman and she has a great body but bummer personality: don't sleep with her, don't keep calling her, don't waste time there. You move on. A person only has so much to give.

Sounds simple enough right, but it amazes me to see some folk who lament "I can't find anyone nice who wants more than sex" - meanwhile, they are putting all their time and energy into EXACTLY those people who have qualities that drive them up the wall....because they think the person is good in bed or they have their mind stuck on one thing that they will like.

All the advice given so far by Noddy and Ragman is good, regardless if you think you are ready for love or not. They are good qualities to build - so when that time comes when you sure know you would like to be with just one special person - she'll give you a chance and see you have prepared for it/made it a priority in your life.

Dating is fun. Dating without sex is fun, it really is. So much anticipation, getting to know so many different people, what you like and don't.

Basically it begins with taking the lead over hormones. You don't have to become a monk or anything - it's more about focusing it where it counts.

I could say more but this is enough for now. Have fun.
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kitchenpete
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 May, 2007 06:46 am
Imagine you were meeting nobody you liked at all - write a list down of what attributes you would want your girlfriend would have and then what it is that you have to offer.

Making that list (even if it's only in your head) will be a good way of working out your priorities.

Of course, you need someone you find attractive physically if that side of the relationship is to work but that's just one line, not 10 lines defining exactly her perfect measurements, etc., as young guys like to do with each other.

When you've worked out what you would really like, go to places where women like that are to be found - it could be a yoga class or a ball game, whatever you find more important.

And don't worry - you're still young. Good luck.
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 May, 2007 07:14 am
When you meet a girl, do you ask about her or talk all about yourself?

These days Interesting Women can afford to be picky. Only the needy girls or the greedy girls will settle for a man who is completely focused on himself.
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Freedomelf
 
  1  
Reply Sat 26 May, 2007 10:30 am
well said, ragman. Smile
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