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Sun 6 May, 2007 03:15 am
I am sitting here with a prescription in my hands which has not been filled.
This is weird to post. Probably to read too. I need some outside view on this.
I know I can get some straight talk here. And in a way, you know me.
To say I am shy to try this route is a big understatement.
To tell the truth, I hate like hell that I am even considering it.
I am though. I feel like I have tried everything I can.
Yet I feel like ****.
A funk is a funk but my funks have a habit of getting out of control.
That is happening and obviously that is not what I want.
The anxiety is the biggest problem. When the anxiety festers and does not relent, it grows into depression.
Sometimes I can intercept the anxiety enough.
And so life goes on, and depression ain't no big thing. More of a faint background hum.
I've done the research. But I'm still scared shitless looking at this damn prescription.
I was told that I can simply take the Clonazepam if I want. Though apparently, C and Z go together quite well to target what is such a pain in the ass for me.
But the anti depressant scare me senseless. Anti anxiety, I can consider more easily here.
I don't care so much about being happy, but to be scared and feel senseless with anxiety is not working for me. That could be a cop-out to even giving the full treatment a chance. Standards lower when feeling like ****, cause I just don't want to feel like **** any more, it's enough. I feel like I am fairly durable woman but keeping the guard simply for pride's sake now , I'm not caring so much about my stupid pride now that I have something I want to live for and be around for. I mean, my life means something to me.
The C is only 0.5 mg to be taken as I see fit. And there are only 30 pills.
Fast working, get you through what you need to do sort of idea.
Am I making too big a deal of this. What is the worst that can happen.
I know what can happen if I don't do something. I don't know what will happen if I try this.
I am waiting to see the specialist about my ears and why I keep getting so dizzy and sick with every which thing.
I don't even know anymore what to think. I just know that the anxiety levels have been not helping and are probably making all this other bullshit worse. If not helping to cause all these strange illnesses.
It has made me weird and sick before.
Does anyone here have experience with these drugs? Did it help?
As sad as it is to me to say this, I am not only afraid of the stuff not working or creating a weird or different state or possible side effects.
I am bit worried of them working!
That's retarded thinking, I know. The truth is though, that as life keeps getting better for me there is a part of me that want to crawl back up in the safeblankets of feeling like **** and avoiding being happy.
I don't know if trying this would be a step back or a stepping stone to another step forward.
There are important decisions in front of me and so don't want to look back and see I bailed or wasn't around for it because I was sick.
I want to make my moves with a decently clear head and an able body.
That's enough. What do you think?
I can relate very well to what you're saying. I think you have something very significant going on. I take this very seriously so I'll post my gut reactions, and then others will make their comments. (I won't try to respond to everything I read in your first post, but will read for awhile and comment again later.) There are so many wise and kind people here and I'm sure some here know your situation better than I.
The first phrase that comes to mind is: "the beast you know is better than the beast you don't know". Feeling like **** (depressed, anxious, and out- of-control) is a familiar place to you - call it home, though it's not exactly heaven ; whereas the pristine, happier world that you don't know well or at all, is pretty threatening. Fear of success or being happy and not in crisis mode is real -- for you (and also for me, too ).
So, it could be that you don't trust being happy. and if you got happy(ER), it could be such a disappointment if you were to fall out of happiness (like falling out of love).
My own feeling (based on some factual medical info) is that anti-depression medications are very problematic..and have a whole set of slippery slopes of there own. I don't want to (and shouldn't) get into that here. My feeling about taking meds in general is to avoid them unless you have no alternative. I feel that good therapy or talking to a good friend about the important emotions as often as you need is a far better and less risky deal.
I can't comment effectively about the dizziness other than to say you should have your physician test and examine you for other causes (cardiac, blood pressure, as well as balance/inner ear problems). How has your balance been, etc.? When you're distressed to the degree you describe, the dizziness can be about insomnia, too. I almost don't need to ask this. Have you been sleeping well? what does you significant other feel about this? What are his/her comments? Anything else DIS-stressing you out, jobs, family members, finances?
Stress is normal...DISTRESS is not -- and it sometimes can lead to DIS-EASE.
I wish you the best and know that we are all here to listen (OK ...read) what you have to say.
I'm sorry you're having such a bad time.
Joe(we are all here for you)Nation
Flushd--
Ragman has made a number of excellent points, particularly his observation about about the beast you know having a cuddly familiarity and the beast down the road having Very Big Teeth.
One month. Thirty days.
Your doctor has given you the option of trying a low dose of a so-called Happy Pill for one month.
You can take it--or not take it.
You can take the full course of meds--or you can quit in three days or six days or.... (Although the chemicals may need two weeks to start working).
You can make the decisions about the meds at every point in your treatment. You may be flushd-with-rose-colored glasses in stead of flushd-with-the-blues but you'll still be flushd and you'll still be in charge of your life.
Quote:There are important decisions in front of me and so don't want to look back and see I bailed or wasn't around for it because I was sick.
I want to make my moves with a decently clear head and an able body.
Imperfect analogy here:
Both my mother and my d-i-l had arthritic pains in the pelvic girdle. Both of them admitted the discomfort, but postponed seeing a doctor because...they were busy....the pain wasn't that bad....after all, they weren't wimps....
Eventually when the pain was too much to ignore, each of them saw an orthopedic expert and each of them were told that the little tricks of balance and posture that they had developed to reduce the pelvic pain had thrown their lower backs completely out of whack and....
Physical therapy was necessary for both of them. My d-i-l is fine. My mother died of something else.
In your case, toughing it out isn't stopping your mental anguish. Taking the pills isn't "cheating" in some sort of cosmic game. You're the one who is being cheated right now with an anxiety-prone metabolism (probably activated by the little tricks of balance and posture you developed to ward off other pain).
One month. Thirty days. You'll be in charge the whole time. You won't be able to leap tall buildings or turn frogs into princes or solve world hunger. You'll just have a chance for a 30 day oasis of calm.
If you take the pills, you'll know by early June whether or not they help. If you don't take the pills, you'll be there in early June not knowing. Either way, early June is coming.
Hold your dominion.
They will need a week or two to start working, and if you take them for a length of time (zoloft anyway) then you can't just stop. You have to cut down gradually. But they're not addictive in the way that cocaine or heroin are. You have to go off them gradually so your brain has a chance to adjust. The right medication will work. But it should go hand in hand with dealing with problems (the right counselling), not as a cure for them.
Re: Clonazepam, sertraline (zoloft)
flushd wrote:I am sitting here with a prescription in my hands which has not been filled.
This is weird to post. Probably to read too. I need some outside view on this.
I know I can get some straight talk here. And in a way, you know me.
To say I am shy to try this route is a big understatement.
To tell the truth, I hate like hell that I am even considering it.
I am though. I feel like I have tried everything I can.
Yet I feel like ****.
A funk is a funk but my funks have a habit of getting out of control.
That is happening and obviously that is not what I want.
The anxiety is the biggest problem. When the anxiety festers and does not relent, it grows into depression.
Sometimes I can intercept the anxiety enough.
And so life goes on, and depression ain't no big thing. More of a faint background hum.
I've done the research. But I'm still scared shitless looking at this damn prescription.
I was told that I can simply take the Clonazepam if I want. Though apparently, C and Z go together quite well to target what is such a pain in the ass for me.
But the anti depressant scare me senseless. Anti anxiety, I can consider more easily here.
I don't care so much about being happy, but to be scared and feel senseless with anxiety is not working for me. That could be a cop-out to even giving the full treatment a chance. Standards lower when feeling like ****, cause I just don't want to feel like **** any more, it's enough. I feel like I am fairly durable woman but keeping the guard simply for pride's sake now , I'm not caring so much about my stupid pride now that I have something I want to live for and be around for. I mean, my life means something to me.
The C is only 0.5 mg to be taken as I see fit. And there are only 30 pills.
Fast working, get you through what you need to do sort of idea.
Am I making too big a deal of this. What is the worst that can happen.
I know what can happen if I don't do something. I don't know what will happen if I try this.
I am waiting to see the specialist about my ears and why I keep getting so dizzy and sick with every which thing.
I don't even know anymore what to think. I just know that the anxiety levels have been not helping and are probably making all this other bullshit worse. If not helping to cause all these strange illnesses.
It has made me weird and sick before.
Does anyone here have experience with these drugs? Did it help?
As sad as it is to me to say this, I am not only afraid of the stuff not working or creating a weird or different state or possible side effects.
I am bit worried of them working!
That's retarded thinking, I know. The truth is though, that as life keeps getting better for me there is a part of me that want to crawl back up in the safeblankets of feeling like **** and avoiding being happy.
I don't know if trying this would be a step back or a stepping stone to another step forward.
There are important decisions in front of me and so don't want to look back and see I bailed or wasn't around for it because I was sick.
I want to make my moves with a decently clear head and an able body.
That's enough. What do you think?
Anxiety can be a big part of depression. Don't necessarily separate them in your mind. Sometimes people feel asnxiety the most of all negative feeings when depressed...very common.
I think you have no reason to be scared of the antidepressant....I am just a bit worried about this "when you need them" thing. (IF that is referring to the anti depressants, not just the anxiety meds)
They're SSRI's, right?
You will, as Wilso said, have a couple of weeks lead in to any real effect, and you should take them for at least six months.
The does sounds low, too...though I really am not sure.
General practitioners, at least here in Oz, tend to dose people at a sub therapeutic level.
You do tend to have a lowered immune system when depressed....getting stuff all the time is not uncommon.
If you get side effects from the Zoloft, there's plenty of other stuff to try.
I'd be more worried about the sedative.....they can be very addictive.....but I assume your doctor is monitoring?
Scared of feeling ok?
Pffft...that's the depression/anxiety talking....
Good luck...I hope you feel better soon.
Absorbing and grateful. Couldn't sleep at all and now glad I am here to check this thread.
Answers to questions:
Yes, I'm in therapy and seeing a pyschiatrist. Finally have a solid trio of GP, pysch and therapist.
So it is doc monitored (2 docs)
The dosage for Z is a start of half of 25 mg first week, 25 mg second, then 1 and a half tablets of 25. He prescribed 90 pills to start.
I am assuming this is relatively low?
No, the 'as you need them' only referred to C.
He told me not to start the Z if I wasn't ready. He would like me to do the combo, but the anti anxiety meds were what I was most receptive too (thinking it could get me through situations I would not show up for otherwise).
Ragman, you expressed my fears and concerns about anti ds perfectly.
My sleep is horrible which isn't new. But out of hand now. Normal for me would be a day of long 10 or 12 hour sleep or more and then a day with no sleep or in the hour range.
Lately I just don't sleep.
The only thing stressing me out now is what would be considered positive change. But it's still stressful. I managed to save more money than I ever had, and to actually go back to school and switch jobs, and family is doing well, friends are being pretty damn supportive nowadays, sig other is the best I have ever known.
It's old stuff making its appearance again. and you are right, it does feel like home. Though i really do want to push through this. somehow.
I'm tired of pushing people away.
thanks for everything.
flushd, I don't know much about the meds, though I have two siblings who have been on A.D.s since their teen years. But, I wanted to say that I'm sorry you're at this crossroads. I love my sleep, if I were having trouble sleeping and antidepressants were the way to go, I'd take them. And they can help with sleep.
I'm sorry you're going through this, flushd.
When boomerang had her great postcard series, I made one that said something like (OK, I found it):
I feel connected to all of the people I've been in my life, a sort of sisterly relationship. Some of them I am proud of, some disappoint me.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm resisting change because I don't want my future self to be disappointed in who I am now.
Does that make any sense?
I've seen both of my parents make great strides on SSRI's -- I'm not sure of the exact kind, or dosages, or even side effects really. But they've really been helped.
flushd wrote:Absorbing and grateful. Couldn't sleep at all and now glad I am here to check this thread.
Answers to questions:
Yes, I'm in therapy and seeing a pyschiatrist. Finally have a solid trio of GP, pysch and therapist.
So it is doc monitored (2 docs)
The dosage for Z is a start of half of 25 mg first week, 25 mg second, then 1 and a half tablets of 25. He prescribed 90 pills to start.
I am assuming this is relatively low?
No, the 'as you need them' only referred to C.
He told me not to start the Z if I wasn't ready. He would like me to do the combo, but the anti anxiety meds were what I was most receptive too (thinking it could get me through situations I would not show up for otherwise).
Ragman, you expressed my fears and concerns about anti ds perfectly.
My sleep is horrible which isn't new. But out of hand now. Normal for me would be a day of long 10 or 12 hour sleep or more and then a day with no sleep or in the hour range.
Lately I just don't sleep.
The only thing stressing me out now is what would be considered positive change. But it's still stressful. I managed to save more money than I ever had, and to actually go back to school and switch jobs, and family is doing well, friends are being pretty damn supportive nowadays, sig other is the best I have ever known.
It's old stuff making its appearance again. and you are right, it does feel like home. Though i really do want to push through this. somehow.
I'm tired of pushing people away.
thanks for everything.
Your concerns should be addressed to the health care professionals responsible for your care.
Be well!
:wink:
Zoloft is an SSRI. Not addicting in the traditional sense, but once you start it, you aren't supposed to stop suddenly, but taper down. I know that there are sexual dysfunction (especially for men) side effects for some.
There are many other SSRIs out there, like Wellbutrin, that have less side effects and don't just inhibit the reuptake of serotonin, but also of other neurotransmitters like norepinephrine and dopamine. I know that a lot of people do well on Wellbutrin that didn't do as well on Paroxetine, Prozac or Zoloft.
On the other hand, Clonazepam, or Klonopin (trade name), is a benzodiazeprine. It is a schedule 3 controlled substance, which means it is addictive and has potential for abuse. I know of people who have benefited in the use of drugs like this (or Diazepam, or Oxazepam, or Alprazola m...) for a limited time, but if one is an addictive type person, I'd be careful and try other options first. This one should be used only in cases of crippling anxiety or neurosis, to get you over the hump, IMO.
(I'm not a doctor, just a pharmacy tech)
The dose you described for zoloft is a low one.
The 0.5mg of clonazepam is the standard starting dose.
As Snood says - it's a sedative and can be addictive.
Your recommended starting dose of Zoloft is very low - so don't expect great things at that dose. There's often some irritating side effectss to start - but these go away! It's not addictive, but a certain percentage need to taper off slowly - so it's usually suggested that everyone does.
You should be discussing these issues with your doctor - some people need help, and drugs are only one way.
I'm ignorant of all the compounds ascribed to work.
Mostly I have applauded a lot of them, via hearsay, especially zoloft for my
101 year old aunt (long story.)
On the other hand, I just read (and I suppose I saved the article) re how hard it is to get off this stuff.
Given that getting off is any kind of question, I'd go for low dosage, watch and wait.
pretty much second what snood said. long term use of an ssri leads to tolerance, so you need to increase the dose to maintain the same effect, and if you decide to quit, you have to taper off, rather than stop abruptly.
it's standard practice to start taking ssri at a dose so low that there may not be much psychological effect (excluding placebo effects that is). but this is wise IMO because if you start with a full dose the side effects might not be tolerable. again, as snood pointed out, there are many ssri alternatives; i've taken a couple of them myself. it so happens i could tolerate the ones i was prescribed, but many people can't.
on the other hand, i have no experience with benzodiazeprines, but my impression is that they're powerful substances, so it might be wise to put them aside for emergency use.
finally, good luck flushd, and keep us posted.
Zoloft literally saved my life flushd....it also gave me back such a huge portion of my life that I'm forever grateful the drug was developed.
I've spoken before about my anxiety attacks here, so won't go into detail expect to say they were daily and were preventing me from having any sort of life.
I was given the same dosage to start, 25mg to increase to 50mg hold there if it worked, or increase, etc.
I am extrememly sensitive to any kind of drug, and was frightened to take a "whole" 25mg, so the phychiatrist said for me to split them for a day or two, then proceed....anything to get me over my resistance and started on the med.
Anxiety, physically, is your body raping itself of its seritonin. It uses up all your seritonin, looks for more, which you can't produce fast enough, so you become anxious/panic. It was important for me to know this as I could visualize the battle going on and how I could fix it. Zoloft is a SRRI - Seritonin Reuptake Inhibitor. It creates a block, a wall between the cells so one cell can only take so much seritonin at one time, and allows the other cells to produce a normal stockpile....now this is not medical talk of course, but it helped me.
I was warned my anxiety might actually Increase temporarily, as my body was trying to grab the seritonin, and couldn't get it, and freaked out.
Don't worry, that's temporary. Then, you will start to normalize, and remember what it is like to relax, concentrate and enjoy things you had cut out of your life.
Fact is, when I split that 25mg pill for a few days, I felt weird for a couple days, a little dizzy once in a while, a little jumpy, then felt fine, increased to 25, then 37.5, then 50, etc.
Somewhere in the beginning, like at 25, I experienced my last panic attack, which I feel was induced by the increase, since it happened in the middle of the night....I'll be honest, I wanted to chuck the whole thing then, but thank God I didn't. After that, everything started to improve.
Personally, I'd say don't worry about the flat affect side effect they talk about. I went through a time, a few weeks where nothing bothered me, nothing excited me as far as happiness, but internally, I was a walking cacoon of contentment. I thought of it as my "Zoloft Holiday". I in NO WAY felt drug, I just was feeling this huge relief of being able to sleep, eat a meal, and interact with others. Soon enough, when your body recovers, you'll be the person you used to be, but new and improved.
I've been on a maintenance dosage of 150mg for 4 or 5 years. I have no desire to taper off since my anxiety comes from roots from decades ago, and I don't think my body could ever regulate myself properly. When I've forgotten a dose here or there, I can feel it.
Important for me to note...the Zoloft is not drugging me, it's correcting a chemical imbalance in my brain.
Hope I didn't bore you flushd, but I thought relating a personal story might help you.
Yes, discuss with your physician, and I can undertand your hesitation, but it can be a really really good thing.
Sorry....wanted to add something....
yitwail mentioned the placebo effect...yes, there's that, but sometimes when your body reacts sooner than expected, it really is due to a sensitivity, not mind over matter.
osso- yes, I've heard some bad experiences too...however....
I asked TONS of questions about dosages for maintenance, and was told that overall, the dose that most people settle around is either 150mg or 200mg....right where I am.
This isn't something that will hold you forever at a small dose like 25 or 50...it's got to be integrated well into your system for it to work. It's got to build up by taking regularly...and yes, tapering off, if you choose, should be done slowly.
But Christ, it's not like heroin or something.
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