extended metaphor help

"trip on the Tokaido"

funny but seriously i need some ideas fast its due tomorrow please can some one help.

here is what i came up with its not very good can some one please help me fix it


My life is a trolley
Confined by tracks and rails
Perpetually going back and forth
Place to place accomplishing nothing
I have no control in were I am going
Or were I might end up
My tracks were laid out for me
Many travelers come
But they do not stay long
Unlike me they move on
Creating there own paths
As I am left alone
Unable to follow

I you were a bit older youd have understood the Tokaido metaphor for ones life in retrospect. What started as your "trolley" has now speeded up to over 200 miles an hour. Older people see time as a blazing blur outside of their window seat on a high speed train. When we were younger, we had an ocean of time out in front and we paddled in canoes (another metaphor), when we age, our boat through time gets a huge Marine deisel with twin blowers and a main jet vectored thruster nozzle, and we move like sweaty hell between our ports of call (Holidays, birthdays, etc etc)
Ask anybody over 50

You'll also want to repair your spelling, grammar errors before submitting this to your teacher. Farmerman's perspective is great, but you need to live just a bit longer to appreciate it.

Hey, Florida. Welcome to A2K.

Two suggestions. Review your diction because the words you have chosen do not necessarily create an image in the mind of the reader.

Of course, change "there" to "their", but I think you are on the right "track" with what you have done so far.

Let us know how you did.

Hey ninja-Consider Ashermans points well. They will turn your poems meaning into a higher gear. Lord knows , Im the last one to correct spelling and grammar, we farm folks arent noted for our talents in verse.

However, keeping with the train motif. Your last couple of lines maybe would benefit from some other train metaphors like the fact that train tracks go on forever and two tracks dont meet, they just stay parallel. Maybe you could work that into your consideration of other people's lives and yours.
Just a thought, despite the spelling , I thought its a darn good attempt at poesy .

Where (location) has an H.

Were is a verb.