He's going through a divorce and we're dating.....

Walk, far and fast, away from this relationship.

I would be very careful before getting too involved with this guy.
Maybe he's just one of them 'too-good-for-their-own-good' guys and it's all very innocent, but even then you have to be aware, that she will NEVER be out of his life.
Especially with the children, that he accepts as his own.

Does not sound normal to me, though!

The name of this game is AMBIVALENCE. This guy's brain says that he wants a divorce, but his heart tells him the opposite.

Walk away.......fast. No good will come from this for you.

Rule of thumb: A man or woman coming out of a bad marriage and divorce is not ready for a permanent relationship for at least two years.

Right now, this guy isn't single--he's married. He'll be officially married until the papers are signed. Once the papers are signed, he may still be emotionally married.

Right now you represent freedom and his lost youth and a world full of potential. He's not seeing you as a person. He's too caught up in the changes in his own circumstances.

Are you a woman or a therapist? If you're playing therapist and disinterested Guide to the Single's World, good. If you don't want your feelings hurt make this guy a very part-time friend.

usawoman, yup...really, he has to make a choice: move on, or keep pining over his ex. you, or her. but there's no point making an ultimatum for him. there's really no point trying at all because he's in it too deep. he's probably not going to just abandon those kids, and completely shut out his wife...so the only sane option for you left is to walk away.

YOU are dating a MARRIED man. What do you expect? He is married to her, not you. Marriage is not only a legal state of being, it is a habit, a safe place, even when things are going wrong.

You may be ready for a relationship, but he is not. You can't or should not force it. Let him go and make his decision. Once he is divorced, if he really does divorce, and you want to be with him, that will be the time to pursue a relationship...after some time has elapsed for healing and distancing from his soon to be ex-wife.

I hope you do not get hurt in this venture any more than you have already.

Absolutely true.....I hope you listen to this. I speak from experience as the "wife" in a situation like this.

In the mean time, I'm wondering if I said hello, welcome to a2k, freedomelf. I'm not sure we agree on anything (haven't reviewed posts), but no matter, pros and cons are welcome here.

actually, it's welcome back to elf. Sorry things have been so ugly for you lately.

Everything that needs to be said has already been said.

Never get involved with someone going through a divorce. They are still married and will be, emotionally, for quite some time.

But since you're already in it, cut your losses and get out of it now. There's no triumph here. Only pain and heartbreak. It's clear, from what you've written, that he simply hasn't let go of his wife yet.

Helping her to clean the apartment? Please.

Thanks, osso. JP, I remember your kindness and thank you too. I guess I have more time on my hands now without a husband again, hehe, so I thought I would post.

Freedomelf--

Welcome home. We care.

how's the sex? that's what matters....

thanks noddy. I appreciate the ww from you and jb.

At this point in my relationship, my husband is, once again, "confused." He called me up crying on Tuesday night. After a gut wrenching session of "I think I love Brenda, but I think I love you too and I will die if I don't hear your voice", I just couldn't take it anymore.....I went through all of this last year and it nearly killed me. I won't go through it again.

I wrote him an email the next day and told him that I will no longer read his emails or phone calls. If there comes a time when he wants to come home, on his hands and knees, begging me to take him back, I might listen to him....or I might not, I don't know at this point. I do know that until then, I don't want to hear a single word from him. He tried to call me today. I didn't take the call. I have to get out of this.

The only good thing he is doing is he is still depositing his check automatically, in our checking account and he is actually living very frugally. So I do appreciate that. I don't know how long it will last, but I know that legally, I don't have a chance of getting more than he is giving me now, so he is being wonderful on that score. When it changes, if brenda twists him into abandoning us, (I don't think she can, but then again I didn't think she could twist him into coming back either) I will pursue my rights for the kids' sake.

I do still love him and I believe I always will....that's the hard part. A marriage of decades is hard to give up all because of a bimbo that would not stop pestering him even after he made his choice. She really has made my life miserable, because I know for an absolute fact that he would have never contacted her again if she hadn't done that. I wonder how she could live with that.....knowing that the man she loves would have never cared about her enough to go back to her if she hadn't made him feel so guilty about her pain, and sent him emails saying that she was still crying over him. I guess she just doesn't care about that as long as she gets what she wants.

by the way, when I said "bimbo" about Brenda I did not mean to denigrate the OP in this thread at all. I have no idea if the situation is even remotely similar, and I hope I didn't insult the original poster.

Careful not to hijack anothers' thread, elf. Perhaps we should move back to your original?

Mid-Life Crisis
(altho', to be honest, you kinda hijacked that thread too.)

Agreed. And so what if he's married? Even if he's still having sex with his wife, it's still fine as long as you're getting that good stanky monkey-lovin'.

Really, you can trust me and Bi-Polar Bear on this. We're guys. We'd never steer you wrong.

The "bimbo" is not the issue: Your husband is the issue. Puh-lease. She 'made him feel so guilty'??? Puh-lease. You "know for an absolute fact" ... puh-lease. You don't know dick.

I am sorry this is happening to you but puh-lease stop blaming the wrong person. Your relationship is about you and your husband. Other people enter it only at the INVITATION of one of you. You don't know her from Adam. You don't know what she's doing, or why she's doing it. You only know what your husband is telling you. The plain and simple fact is that your husband can't keep away from her.

So start blaming the right person! Sorry to be harsh but wake the heck up.

And I am not an advocate of people getting involved with married people.

Such language! I'm offended.