Still has a doubt...

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My wife and I had been separated for about 8 months now, she's working as an architect in the US and I'm here in Poland. We got married 3 days before she left to migrate in the US and since then, we communicate almost everyday thru phone and chat(video cam). We never had any problem in the relationship and I feel that we trust and love each other. Last month, she told me that she will meet an old male friend back in college. 2 days after that meeting, I accidentally saw my wife's email to the guy, telling the guy that their picture is used as Desktop Wallpaper. I ask my wife about it, then she told/confessed to me everything. She love the guy and she even regret our marriage. I already talked to the guy and he told me that he would never interfere with our marriage and he respect me and our marriage. he even told my wife to love me and takecare of me. In my opinion, my wife is obsessed with that guy. I told my wife to think about this for a week and realize things that she is doing a sin, not only to me, our family and God. I just told her that I just need a heart felt sorry and realize things. After a week, she told me that she is sorry for all the things she've done and she loves me. she told me that I dont deserve what she did, she felt sorry and she will be a better person after that problem. she will go home for our 1st year anniversary just to show me that I am important to her and she loves me. I have already seen that i am important to her, but still has a doubt. i would like to clarify something, nothing happened to them, in terms of sex.

now, 2 months after the problem happened, i still have a doubt with regards to whether she loves me truly and if she will stick with the marriage we have. how will i get back the trust i gave her? when she go home, do we need to talk about the problem we had? What will we do to gain back the trust and love we had?
I love my wife so much...

thanks,

Siskind

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Kalel--

Welcome to A2K.

The first year of a marriage is always difficult and the first year of a marriage with the husband and wife being separated by 3500 miles is very difficult.

For eight months you've missed her. You've been lonely. Your wife has also been lonely--and perhaps a bit foolish.

Quote:

In my opinion, my wife is obsessed with that guy. I told my wife to think about this for a week and realize things that she is doing a sin, not only to me, our family and God. I just told her that I just need a heart felt sorry and realize things. After a week, she told me that she is sorry for all the things she've done and she loves me. she told me that I dont deserve what she did, she felt sorry and she will be a better person after that problem

You lectured her--and I hope explained that you loved her. She told you she was sorry.

Now, either drop it or divorce her. If you don't feel you can trust her, then her behavior--virtuous or not--doesn't matter.

You can't build a marriage in a single weekend, no matter how romantic.

Because of your geographic separation (before a firm relationship was established), your marriage is under severe stress. Why is it necessary that you be in two separate countries? How long is this separation going to continue?

Frankly, I don't see a lot of hope for your marriage unless the two of you start living together. You are both growing and changing--and quite possibly growing in different directions.

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thanks for the reply noddy24,

i know she've been foolish, but the good thing is she recognized her faults.

i will follow her within this year or early next year. i told her to wait and she said yes. i know she loves me with her recent actions. and we are now talking about our future together, having children and building our own house.

maybe it's all in my mind, i want to gain back the trust i gave her before.

my worries will disappear when we will be together.

more inputs please...

thanks,

judex

Noddy24 wrote:

Kalel--

Welcome to A2K.

The first year of a marriage is always difficult and the first year of a marriage with the husband and wife being separated by 3500 miles is very difficult.

For eight months you've missed her. You've been lonely. Your wife has also been lonely--and perhaps a bit foolish.

Quote:
In my opinion, my wife is obsessed with that guy. I told my wife to think about this for a week and realize things that she is doing a sin, not only to me, our family and God. I just told her that I just need a heart felt sorry and realize things. After a week, she told me that she is sorry for all the things she've done and she loves me. she told me that I dont deserve what she did, she felt sorry and she will be a better person after that problem

You lectured her--and I hope explained that you loved her. She told you she was sorry.

Now, either drop it or divorce her. If you don't feel you can trust her, then her behavior--virtuous or not--doesn't matter.

You can't build a marriage in a single weekend, no matter how romantic.

Because of your geographic separation (before a firm relationship was established), your marriage is under severe stress. Why is it necessary that you be in two separate countries? How long is this separation going to continue?

Frankly, I don't see a lot of hope for your marriage unless the two of you start living together. You are both growing and changing--and quite possibly growing in different directions.

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WOW, that's not your everyday kind of marriage!

I would say follow her sooner, rather than later, if you want to give this marriage a true chance.

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maybe it's all in my mind, paranoid of what had happened... i really want this marriage to work out...

thanks!

judex

Bohne wrote:

WOW, that's not your everyday kind of marriage!

I would say follow her sooner, rather than later, if you want to give this marriage a true chance.

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Still has a doubt...

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