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Too scared to do ANYTHING!!! What can I do?....

 
 
Reply Thu 26 Apr, 2007 02:34 pm
I've become so frustrated with myself over the past....well, few years really. My mum hasn't helped AT ALL, she's constantly putting me down, and convincing me that I'm useless at everything.

I'm severely lacking confidence, am to scared to try anything new that will help build my confidence, and I have to go and get a job sometime soon. I REALLY want to get a job, but at the same time I'm so reluctant and sooooooooo terribly scared (proper having panic attacks about not being able to do the job right by the time they expect me to have learnt stuff) that I'm too nervous to do it.

It's making me depressed and I'm stuck at home with my mum as I have no money to leave, and she's making everything a million times worse, and messing up my life for me.

I just don't know what I can do. I REALLY want to join clubs and get a job and do new things (thinking about jonining the RAF) but my mum's basically convinced me that I'm going to fail or just plain quit. So I'm now scared of starting. I'm so deeply into these feelings that I can't just will myself out of them. It's really starting to gnaw on me and I'm so lost.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 2,945 • Replies: 7
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Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Apr, 2007 03:13 pm
You've already completed and made a start -- getting the problem defined and identified. Congrats on that progress. Some people never get there.

Step #1: Identify that there's a major problem. You have to take responsibility for your own actions (and inactions). Be kind but be as objective with yourself as you can be. Take steps seriously and take the steps of your choice one at a time.

Step #1A: Redefine what is success and what is failure and who decides that. No one can convince you of anything without your cooperation!

Step #1B: Many times people think 'cause you stop and start a job that it's a sign of failure. Consider those stops and starts to be life-lessons. I've started and stopped many dozens of jobs. All of this 'extra' work experience has added up to a rich set of experiences that have taught me a lot. These all help to make my current business flourish and easy manner with which I now deal with clients and employees affords me a great deal more understanding and empathy. This empathy is lacking in your mother and the longer you stay there, the more she will cripple that in you.

Step #2: Get counseling help (psychologist) with a counselor that you trust. Find one that you have researched whom has either helped someone you know or comes highly recommended by someone trusted.

Step #3: Stop letting your mother get into your head. It's bad enough that you live together but the fact that she's psychologically abusing you is a whole other kettle of fish. STOP LISTENING to her.
She is in worse shape than you because she seems to get pleasure out of your pain.

Step #4: Until you move out (hopefully soon), let your mother know you no longer will allow her to talk to you as though you're a failure or HER victim. She has to take responsibility for what she contributes to your mood and your lack of confidence. If you must rebut or debate with her, let her know all the things you have completed and at which you already have succeeded. Write her a letter underlining those accomplishments, if you must. First, though, make the list for yourself and read it over and over 'til it sinks in.

Step#5 Find some sort of suitable employment (be less selective possibly) and then find a flat-mate to share the expenses.

Step #6: Find a decent partner, have a child and then get this child to torture your mother. Payback is a bitch!
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Apr, 2007 06:57 am
Set small goals and make them happen.

Example: Before the end of the month you contact the RAF and ask them for literature.

Is your bf supportive?
0 Replies
 
martybarker
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Apr, 2007 07:12 am
It sounds like its possible that your mother is afraid of your leaving home.Are you comfortable talking to her about this and how it makes you feel??
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cjhsa
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Apr, 2007 08:15 am
When was the last time you ...um.. you know...
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happycat
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Apr, 2007 08:19 am
martybarker wrote:
It sounds like its possible that your mother is afraid of your leaving home.Are you comfortable talking to her about this and how it makes you feel??


bingo!
0 Replies
 
material girl
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Apr, 2007 08:37 am
My God Honey rose, you sound just like me!!I know how you feel.

Have to say Ive got a bit more confident over the years but still not 100% there.Mybe only 60%.
How old are you?
Age is an issue.Getting older really helps with confidence.Sounds silly but when I realsied that I didnt give rats arse as to what other people thought of me it, really helped.Completely the opposite feeling to when you are younger and you feel like everybody has to like you.

No idea if your mums scared of losing you but ignore her as she is not helping you in any way(which is the worng way for a parent to behave).
Negative people are holding you back to keep you down to their own level, they are jealous of anything you achieve.

Well done for knowing that you want to get out and get a job and join the RAF!!!How cool is that!!!!
Im stuck in a dead end job partly because I cant handle interviews.Waaay to shy to sit there and talk about me and be convincingly intelligent enough to get the job.

One thing I have noticed, as Ive changed over recent years Ive got tougher and will fight my corner and people dont batter an eyelid, whereas before I didnt think I was important enough to have a valued opinion.I always thought theyd retaliate in some way but nope, the majority are pussycats, but dont forget your opinion is just as important as anybody elses.

Other people here have given great advice, take baby steps, try to talk as much as you can, just about anything (best to make it interesting)and that will help you with interviews as you will be used to hearing yourself talk.

Your not going to fail!Whats the worst that could happen?!You should be proud of yourself that you have given these things a go.

Im totally out of my comfort zone at the mo, Im trying to start my own(small)business.But Ive got the point where I need a challenge and need more in my life, just like you.


My God, I went on a bit.
So in conclusion-
Forget negative people
Realise you are just as important as other people
Try new things, nobody and nothing is going to bite.

Why should everybody else get everything good and not you?!
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honey rose cr
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 07:48 am
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY F***ING COMPUTER IS SO S***!!!

I'VE REPLIED TO THIS FOUR TIMES NOW! EACH TIME THE FRICKING THING HAS GONE BACK A PAGE RIGHT NEAR THE END OF MY POST WHEN I WANTED TO DELETE A LETTER!!!! THE 'O' IS FALLING OFF THE F***ING KEYBOARD AND THIS LAPTOP IS BRAND NEW!!! ARGH!!!!!

Anyway, I guess I should start my reply YET AGAIN. Mad

-Sigh-

Thanks, yadda yadda. I like step 6...lol

My mum is hard not to listen to, I take everything anyone says kinda hard. It can automatically change the way I think, yadda.

Boyfriend is very supportive, but sometimes this support makes me worried about letting people down and can make me want to back out instantly.

Can't talk to my mum about much without her freaking out and throwing me out. Even simple things. She said she'd buy me a car for my birthday, then nearer the time asked what I wanted for my b'day. I said car, she said no, so I asked for make-up etc instead.

Then a few days before my birthday she asked me what I wanted AGAIN. So I jokingly said car, she went apesh*t and threw me out. Didn't see her on my birthday, or for a few days before and after either...

Quote:
When was the last time you ...um.. you know...


Say what now?... *raises eyebrow*

Material Girl: I'm 17. I've just been offered interviews at two Pharmacies, haven't even been able to call them until today (called one said I wasn't interested) the other one I'm thinking of doing, 6 days a week, but money! Apparently the woman who would be my boss "Gets irritated if things are done properly..." I KNOW I can do things properly, but I'd be working in close proximity to other people AND my boss. As soon as I know someone is looking over my shoulder I can't concentrate. I start to think "Am I doing this right? What are they thinking?" etc etc, and I'll either just be really scared to continue, or mess up.

I could happily talk to a customer, loudly, clearly, confidently...But if someone else is there I'll wonder if they think I'm saying the wrong thing, if I make a mistake etc etc so I'll muck up.

My mum's backed off a bit since I started talking openly to her about my sex life Razz
She gets weird, which makes me feel uncomfortable, but she seems to be backing off RELUCTANTLY; which makes the atmosphere really weird aswell....

-sigh-

I just don't know whether to ring this Pharmacy and get an interview, I'm scared of locking myself into something then really hating it. I won't be able to quit because I'll let everyone down, but the stress of having a job last time made me ill.. (Or rather, the way I worked myself up that I was going to do something wrong...) I'm sure I'll really enjoy it if I can get the courage to actually try it, but I'm soooooo nervous right now. Crying or Very sad

Soz for the craziness at first... That was so frustrating!! <_< grrr
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