need to know

If you don't confront, it excludes the option for healthy resolution, IMO.

A confrontation doesn't have to be negative. It could be as simple as slipping a telling statement into a conversation.

Welcome, peaches.

Peaches--

Figure out who is in charge of your life--and incidently, your love life. Then the details will start falling into place.

Good luck.

i didn't understand
hey,i don't understand what u mean,i would love to remain friend with both(i feel he noticed that i feeling and staring acting wierd ),i really need your help,iam miserible

WHY can't you confront them, peaches? It seems like your friend would be pretty much without risk -- just ask her if she has feelings for this guy. If she says no, well, she says no. If she's not telling the truth, that's her own problem. If she says yes, talk about it. Find out what is at stake.

Start there -- if she has no feelings for him, then you can move on to dealing with your feelings for him, without worrying about your friend.

Good luck.

Welcome to A2K peaches!
What University do you attend?

Peaches--

Your description of your problem is a little confusing. Please, I beg you as a former English teacher, consider using a few, wellplaced periods in your prose.

Are these facts correct?

You are a shy person, but at university you have found a group of friends, both male and female. You are particularly friendly with one woman.

There is a man in the group you have been admiring from afar.

He has been admiring your best friend--who is unsure how she feels about him. Unsure or not, she has broken up with her present boyfriend and he is depressed.

The man you have been admiring from afar does not know how you feel.

Your friend, the woman does not know how you feel.

You are depressed. Why? Because neither your woman friend nor the man you have been admiring knows how you feel? Are either of them mind readers?

Please, sit down, clear your emotions out of your mind and write (either for us or to clarify the situation for yourself) what you hope will happen. You are not going to get what you want unless you know what you want.

Do you want this guy as a boyfriend? Platonic or non-Platonic?

Do you want to keep your best friend, as a best friend?

Do you expect either of these people to become mind readers?

Is there an adult on or off campus you could discuss this complicated situation with. From where I'm sitting your problem seems to be that you are paralyzed by your shyness and before you start tangling up your life with love and passion, you'd better overcome your shyness. Further, depression is a paralyzing emotion. Perhaps you need some objective help to cut through this tangle.

Or would you rather that someone--your father, a professor, a marriage broker, another girlfriend--would arrange a marriage/relationship with you with this guy who doesn't seem to read minds?

Either you take charge of your life--and your love life--or nothing pleasant will ever happen.

Good luck, Peaches. Let us know how you're doing.

Noddy, I read this...



...as saying that Peaches' female friend (ff, or Fifi) has a boyfriend, and when Fifi told the object of Peaches' affections (Oopa) about this boyfriend, Oopa was depressed, which seems to indicate some depth of feeling for Fifi.

Where did Peaches go?
,i really need your help,iam miserible
can youfind her?

LOL. Does this mean I have a great mind, morganwood? It is certainly running in a similar channel.

correction
u must not have not understood all of my posts,i was in a rush .(sorry).anyway lets assume the one whom i like is Mr.x,while my bestfriend is Ms.y. Mr.x the one who i have feelings for is the one who was depressed when he found out that Ms.y found a boyfriend (Mr.x is interested in MS.y,while i was interested in Mr.x)both Ms.y and Mr.x r my friends.Ms.y told me before that she wasn't inetrested in Mr.x he was only one of her best friends,at that time i was interested in him either ,about 2 years ago.now after she got a boyfriend ,she tell me she had feelings for him but he didn't make the first move so she forgot about him of course i had feelings for him at the time when she broke me the news ,that was interesed in her and she was interesed in him but forgot him as she says which i don't is true cause befroe she told me she didn't have feelings for him and now she says she has.i still want my bestfriend to be my bestfriend and i still have feelings for him .berfore she broke me the news i thought he had feelings for me ,he asked me stuff which i took as a positve sign.i don't my bestfriend to think i am backstabbing her .and i know that i can't make him run rigth to me

So, you like a guy who your friend used to kind of like, and he used to like your friend and might still like her. Am I correct?

If that's the case (and since you say it's been a couple of years), I say, tell your friend you're interested in the guy and just make sure all's okay there. After all, if the tables were turned, I'm sure you'd like it if your friend cared enough about your feelings to be sure that you weren't still hung up on someone who she liked.

Now, assuming your friend says, "Hey, I'm not interested in him any more." or "I've moved on." or "I have a boyfriend." or something like that, I'd say the next move is yours - to tell this guy how you feel or at least make it clear to him that you're receptive. Be careful, though, as this can be tricky. If he's still interested in her, then chances are that you can forget it. If he's not still interested in her, then, of course there's a possibility that he likes someone else or isn't attracted to you or whatever. The long and the short of it is that telling someone how you feel isn't a guarantee that wonderful things are going to happen. Sometimes, you set yourself up for heartache (you don't mean to, it just happens). But, he might like you, or might be waiting for a signal from you that it's okay to go ahead with you. Hey, you never know - and you never will, unless you get this information from him. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

So, how do you learn if he's receptive to your charms? You could come right out and ask him, but frankly I don't love such questions as I think they put people on the spot. I think you do better if you, instead, are a good friend to him. Be a good listener. Check for nonverbal cues as well. Let's say his name is, I don't know, Doug.

You'd say, "Doug, how was your day?" or "Doug, some friends and I are going to the movies. Want to come along?" or "Doug, I can see you look tired, are you feeling okay?" or similar stuff as is appropriate.

And, you need to be observant. If he says something like "Thanks for asking; I'm tired 'cause I was out on a date last night." or "I'm thinking of asking Amy out." or something like that, then you have the information you're looking for. Or, he might say something like "Thanks for asking me to the movies. I've been really lonely lately." or "Could we just go to the movies alone, and then our for coffee? I'd like to be able to really talk to you." Those sentences, of course, also tell you what you want to know - and the message to you is far more pleasant.

Best of luck to you.

lol, this is pathetic, ya not even dating the guy. Sounds like u dont have ne real problems so u exagerate the biggest problem u have in ur mind.

...issues are funny.

Skotup--

You seem a bit mean spirited in the last post.