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Why am I still feeling this way?

Forums: Relationships
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Locasarai80
 
Reply Sat 24 Mar, 2007 07:57 pm
Ok..I was in a relationship with a married man. It started at where we work and he told me that he liked me and kissed me. That is just the begining of the madness.

We work at a small resturant. It was easy for him to leave at night at first....then about 3 months later things started to get tricky and he would fight with her and all that.

Then we started having troubles at work. The owner of the resturant that we worked at found out about it and lectured us both. It didn't stop there.

We continued to see eatchother for about another 3 months and then get in to a huge argument at the resturant and threw dishes at eachother....I know that sounds wild.....and I walked out. I could live a lie no longer.

It's been two weeks since all this happened and I feel like I am losing my mind over him.

I have talked to him once since it all happend....but I am doing my best to get over it. I feel like it is eating me from the inside the pain is so strong.

He was the man I had always wished for....what do I do to get over this heartache?

Anyone that has any advice or that can understand where I am comming from...that has been threw something like this..your wise words would be appriciated.

Thank you! Sad
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,089 • Replies: 14
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Builder
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Mar, 2007 08:14 pm
Remember what your life was like before you met him.

Then go back there.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Mar, 2007 08:26 pm
Soooooooooo...

you are now bereft, having gone along with a married guy. At work, no less.

Have you not heard about not sh-tting where you eat?

You are losing your mind, etc.
Many of us on a2k have been there in one way or another.


A) Don't go after other persons' husbands, no matter how flirty the husbands.
B) Don't f.ck around at work. Flirting is ok, in the light sense of it.
Indeed, B may be more important than A.
C) That's it. Get a grip.
D) What is your plan, to get laid and marry a rich guy? There's likely not such a good ratio there, and painful even if you seem to win.
E) Start to think in a professional way, do your own achieving.
F) go from A - F.
0 Replies
 
flushd
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Mar, 2007 11:13 am
He was the man you always wished for (?)

I think you need to start dreaming a little bigger! No, seriously.

If your biggest hopes in a man include being a cheating, unprofessional, loose cannon....that's a low standard.

Good advice so far.

In crappy and painful situations, what has gotten me by is to try and look at the reality and some of the facts.
Don't let yourself get so sucked in by the strong emotions that you get blindsided.

With that in mind, when you were a little girl, did you dream of a sordid affair with a man in the small restaurant you are working and plates flying and the boss having to lecture you like a child?

Aim higher. You'll only get what you are willing to go for.
0 Replies
 
amerigirl86
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Mar, 2007 12:32 pm
i think you should know what to do about this.how would you like if you were married and someone was sleeping with your man?you are hurting so many people just not your self,i really hope this man has no kids with his wife because your ruining their life.the pain you have is because you know your wrong in what you are doing.and this is not the man you want because he is already taken in marriage.he dosent want you he is probally using you just for sex.his wife and him are probally having some tough times right now so you need to be a real woman and stop messing with a married man.(you better be glad he's not my husband) Twisted Evil
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Mar, 2007 01:12 pm
Locasarai--

I don't mean to sound patronizing or dismissive, but you've earned your growing pains--not suffering. You elected to change your life for the better and change--even for the best of reasons--can hurt.

Do you still have a job? Is your married, former lover still working at the restaurant? What have you been doing for two weeks besides hurting?

Amerigirl--

She's broken up with the guy. She knows she's been a damn fool. Why are you talking as though she is still involved with him?

Remember, it takes two to tango. If a married man is wandering he's at fault as much as his "dance partner" is. Why does a wandering spouse make you think of your husband?
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Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Mar, 2007 01:32 pm
yu forgot hte 50 mile rule....never cheat unless you're AT LEAST 50 MILES FROM HOME...I thought everyone knew that....
0 Replies
 
pyramid1k
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Mar, 2007 01:41 pm
Feeling "THIS" way
Cuz you know you allowed the body's desires to overwhelm your common sense and you really should drop every part of that so called perfect picture in the dust and move on with life, blessings to you! Py Idea
0 Replies
 
flushd
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Mar, 2007 06:29 am
Sending you courage.

You made the right choice and I hope you stick with it. The pain will pass! Very temporary.

Noddy gave great advice. Cheers.
0 Replies
 
OCCOM BILL
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Mar, 2007 07:44 am
Re: Why am I still feeling this way?
Locasarai80 wrote:
He was the man I had always wished for....what do I do to get over this heartache?
Give yourself the same advice you'd give someone you cared about who had just made the same mistake you just did. And remember; when you go after a married man, the very best thing that could happen is you'd win a cheater for a mate. Probably not what you dream about when you're thinking clearly.
0 Replies
 
jazzieB123
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Apr, 2007 03:30 pm
Re: Why am I still feeling this way?
Locasarai80 wrote:
He was the man I had always wished for....


I'm sorry you're in such a tight spot, but you have totally done the right thing by leaving. Well done Smile Yes, it'll hurt like hell but hey - he is married. He is committed to another woman. He does not belong to you. What belongs to you are your feelings for him. You must try to control them and NOT let them control you.

If he really was "the man you'd always wished for" then he would be available to you on every level. Emotionally, physically, mentally, intellectually, etc. He would not be committed to someone else.

Give yourself time to grieve - and make another wish.

You are in charge of your own life and your own destiny and you're worth more than getting involved with someone who can't be there for you.

Good luck Smile I hope you can get thru this.
0 Replies
 
laylaaufdermauer
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Apr, 2007 05:51 pm
It's only feelings. We can all overcome our feelings no matter how much we may think they "hurt". Just forget about him; it may not be easy, but it is simple. Find the guy that you really did wish for, once upon a time, by simply dating people outside of work, and get past this as soon as you can. Once you do this, you won't even remember what these feelings were like. It's true, no matter how much people like to convince themselves otherwise. You had a life before him, take it back, there's no trick to it.
0 Replies
 
davidlee9
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 May, 2007 11:47 pm
Breaking Up is Really Hard
You did the right thing...and it is really hard for you now.

Yes, you did the right thing to stop the affair. Your mind knows this but your heart doesn't. You are in terrible pain, because breaking up is the hardest thing of all. Logic has nothing to do with it. Whether you did the right thing or not is totally insignificant. Your heart hurts, and that's all that matters.

There's a book that can help you a great deal..."How to Survive the Loss of a Love." It has helped me through the same kind of trajedy.

Let me know what happens.
0 Replies
 
justagirly
 
  1  
Reply Tue 22 May, 2007 01:38 pm
just give it more time...your heart needs to heal. as time goes on, you'll think about him less. what you need is a distraction. some else...someone SINGLE... if you find yourself missing him, just remind yourself it's over and theres no way it could of worked out because he was married. and hes a jerk for initiating the whole thing. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
0 Replies
 
Freedomelf
 
  1  
Reply Tue 22 May, 2007 09:45 pm
Re: Why am I still feeling this way?
OCCOM BILL wrote:
Locasarai80 wrote:
And remember; when you go after a married man, the very best thing that could happen is you'd win a cheater for a mate. Probably not what you dream about when you're thinking clearly.


Amen! You asked for words from someone who has been through this.....I have been through it from the other side, as the wife. My husband "fell for" someone at work and tore the entire family apart. He moved in with her for 2 months but in the end found that he did love me. So he came home for nearly a year. She started emailing him like crazy, begging him to see her just to "help her get over him" because she was going insane from the pain of loving him. She didn't CARE that he had "fallen back in love with his wife" as he told her over and over, or what I was going through with her harrassment....nothing mattered but getting him back. In the end, he DID go back to her, because he got suckered in again......but now he is on the phone to me, crying because he feels like he will DIE if he doesn't hear the sound of my voice.

He now swears that he is "in love" with me, but that he still has a strong attraction to her that he can't help. I've decided I've had enough, so I told him he cant' come back.

She has him....for now.....but ONLY because I won't take him back. Do you REALLY want to be second-best for the rest of your life? Do you want a cheating husband who will no doubt cheat on you, too? Do you want a husband that went back to his wife once and WOULD have gone back to her like a shot if she had allowed it a second time? Do you want a guy who never truly loved you, but just loved the EXCITEMENT of being with you while still being in love with his wife? Do you want a DIRTY ROTTEN LIAR for a husband?

Believe me, I loved my husband more than life itself, and while he was seeing her and telling HER he loved her, he was telling me that he would DIE without me. I got so mad I even forwarded emails he sent me to her, so that she could SEE what he was telling me while he was telling her something else. She just "spun" them to her own advantage, saying that he probably just said those things in order for me not to prevent him from seeing the children....yeah, right. She is delusional.

I'm sorry....I don't mean to be hard on you, but as you can see, women have a capacity to believe only what they want to believe, and she wants to believe that he is in love with her, simply because he lies and tells her so while he is telling me something entirely different. The truth is, he is "in love" with excitement, a good body, doing something wrong and living dangerously, and the ego-boost of an adoring mistress. He will NOT trade that for his wife on a permanent basis.

The only way you can "win" him is by default....if she decides that she has had enough, like me. As I said before, do you really want to know that you were second best for the rest of your life? And being second best....do you really and truly believe that he will never cheat on YOU once you are married? Do you want that life, or would it be better to endure the pain now, and find someone who TRULY loves you in the future, and who you can love and TRUST forever? Think about it, and good luck.
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