A Q For The Men Re: Penis Reduction

Hi all.

I'm 57 and I have a huge penis *introduces self in big-dick-anon fashion*

I have suffered big penis related pain and embarassment since I was a teen. At 22 my pain got so bad I was bed-bound and put on quaaludes for a few months stretch. The pain and embarassment almost never goes away. It is always there.

I'm 5'7 and 145lbs. I exercise, I eat well. I take care of my penis: regular massages, relaxation exercises. I am very fit: so I know it is not because of weak muscles or poor posture. My penis is just too big for my little frame.

I have an appointment to go in for a penis reduction. That's one month away! Here's my problem.....

My doctor gave me okay to do this, and actually recommended it when I was younger (21). I went to see the specialist, I had the appointment set up, and on the day of the surgury I 'ran away'. I just didn't show up. I got terrified, and became a total loon. My friends could not drag me there: I was yelling and refused to go.

I have thought long and hard about this. For many many years. I don't want the pain anymore. I know it will be good for me; physically and mentally (I could wear normal fitting pants!).
I have been obsessing about this lately. I'm scared. Though I can see it as something I want, there is a part of me that doesn't want to do it.

I need some insight. I haven't been sleeping. I have been avoiding going out because of this. As weird as this sounds, I like my body and my penis exactly the way it is. I'm worried I won't feel like myself anymore, and that I will regret it or have a hard time adjusting. I'm worried I won't like it.
Once it is done, it's done. I can't turn back.

What do y'all think? Has anyone gone through this or have any experience with this?