Opposites Repel

Hmm.. A study that shows that people seek mates that have similar interests.. What a novel idea!

From the article:


I dunno.. The "study" seems a little silly to me and is weak as far as any sort of scientific basis. The results may be accurate for the questions asked of 18-24 year old hetero students in Ithaca NY but I think they'd have a hard time proving that the study represents the entirety of "Western society" based on their survey participants. They haven't even shown the results to replicable in Albany yet never mind the rest of western society.

Yeah, I know. I've always thought "opposites attract" was kind of like "the exception that proves the rule", though. (Think they're both silly.) (Not talking about physical, by the way, the blonde and the talldarkandhandsome, but basic personality/ values.)

Perhaps it's just me.
Perhaps I'm a chameleon.
But the women I have been in love with are so different from each other, that I can't buy either the "similar" or the "opposite" theory.

I always figured that the "opposites attract" thing came about because that is what people tend to notice when they see a couple.

I'm just guesing but I'd wager that you and EG don't have to many "heated" discussions about things that you are in full agreement on. Others are a lot more likely to see and notice the items you don't agree on where the discussion might be a little more umm... "spirited"..

fbaezer, I think for something more short term, physical attraction and novelty can trump major personality/ value differences. But I think there has to be a lot of commonality to make it work long-term.

I'm probably just frustrated with how many of my friends take up with stupid, incompatible people and then chirp "well you know what they say, opposites attract!" at me. Then come to me with sob stories when they break up.

Fishin', yeah, but that's part of why I think it's dumb. People think that "the exception proves the rule" because there are many "rules" than do indeed have exceptions. But that doesn't mean that an exception proves anything, ya know?

I would have to say that all my opposites are gone and my "similar" has been around for 8 wonderful years.

Perhaps similar folks are attracted (and stay together) because - surprise! - they argue less frequently and/or less passionately.

My husband and I are both Jewish, close in age (he's younger, but only by 2 1/2 years), with similar educational and socio-economic backgrounds. We don't fight often. Most of the time, the compromise solution so neatly and readily presents itself that we don't even bother with too many discussions (e. g. I want a blue car, he wants a green car, look, we can afford a brown car - so a brown car it is, etc.).

It's not that being able to agree on car color brought us together or keeps us together, no. It's that, this is one less thing to negotiate about. I think a lot of relationships go sour because of a death from a thousand cuts, rather than one huge blow-up. So agreeing on car color, what to eat tonight, where to go on vacation, etc. isn't important individually, but it all adds up in the grand scheme of things. And, when important disagreements come up - where will we live? Will we have children? etc. - we (and other couples in similar circumstances) can have that disagreement without it tearing us apart because we don't fight on a regular basis so we aren't worn down by constant disagreements. We pick our battles, but it's also true that we have few battles to pick.

It's no great shock to me that people with similar value systems get along together and stay together. It's also no great shock that these similar people meet in the first place. Barring the Internet and the personals, how often do you meet people outside of your general sphere anyway?

Perhaps, somewhere out there, in mainland China, there's an 18-year-old Buddhist who's the man for me (sorry, Mr. jespah). Well, so what? Mr. Right is in mainland China for gosh sakes - he's not here and I'm not looking anyway and there are a thousand reasons for me and Mr. Right from China to never meet. And we will, alas, live and die without having ever known one another.

Like I said, so what?

Sozobe, when I wrote "been in love with" I meant it.
I've been in love with 5 women, and married 2 of them.

Some are tall, some are short.
Two are very good looking, one is "above average", the others are "below average".
One is of rich origin, two come from the middle class, two, from the lower middle class.
Three are quite loose, two a little uptight.
The level of family orientation varies wildly.
One you could classify as an intellectual, other as an avid reader, the other three as average readers.
Two love money, three don't.
One swears all the time, one doesn't swear at all.
Their religousness levels vary, though only one goes to church.

And yes, the 5 of them are intelligent, have dark hair and a good heart.

fbaezer, looks like you are the exception that proves the rule.

Good points, Jes.