dating a widow

Do you shout at her like you're shouting at us?

HOW CAN I OVERLOOK ALL THE ATTENTION SHE HAS SHIFTED TO THAT??

Bella Dea wrote:

Do you shout at her like you're shouting at us?

No-I dont. we openly discuss it. She feels a calling to see this to the end. I just feel it is at our relationships expense. Will she ever give us 100% again?

Markh- The woman that you are living with was married to a man who died under tragic circumstances. She needs to get a closure on the situation.

Apparently you are jealous of a ghost. What would you like her to do? Refuse to go to the golf tournament?

She knew and loved him, before she knew you. If you were wise, you would become part of the memorials, and support her during this time.

I remember once reading about Gene Wilder and Gilda Radner. If you remember, they were married, and she died of ovarian cancer, at rather young age. A few years later I read a story about Gene and his new girlfriend working together on on the foundation that he started in Gilda's name. Now that girlfriend, IMO, had a lot of empathy.

I felt her love so strongly, that I would do anything for her!

Mark--Thanks everyone for your honesty. I feel like it will all end up ok. She is seeing atherapist too, and as her grief subsides, I think she will change as I will. I know what I need to do. I just have to get at peace with it, or I will lose her. And the plus here is that she does want to see me, I just moved out into a condo, so we are missing eacgh other a lot. She is going to a National Firefighters conference at the end of this mo. I hope she will get some peace and then I hope we can take baby steps.....Thanks, again, Markh

Is she hurting you deliberately?

Why should she change because you are irrationally jealous? Jealousy is a selfish emotion, not a loving one.

I felt her love so strongly, that I would do anything for her!

markh wrote:

Quote:

I felt her love so strongly, that I would do anything for her!

Just something else for you to think about... I am getting the feeling from what you write that your definition of love involves "what's in it for me." (Because you felt her love for you, you were willing to do anything. Now that you see her attention on something besides you, you wouldn't?)

For your benefit now as well as for any future relationships, you might want to work on redefining love for yourself. It's always about giving more than you get. And, it's never about being the center of attention. It's always about allowing the other person room to grow and relishing that growth. And, it's never about stifling the other person for the benefit of one's own feeling of security.

Just something to think about.

Mark - I feel for ya. This is a very difficult place to "be" and growth (mental) is sooooo much work. It can be easy to give up, but what you'll find is that you'll "be" there again and again somewhere down the road until you get it right.

Did you realize you ended yur last post with "But she admits she isn't trying very hard on our relationship now. I think seeing her try harder would inspire me to meet her halfway?!"

Take her out of the equation. This isn't about her, it's about you. YOU have to want to better yourself, and you have to want to do so for yourself rather than for someone else or to "win" someone else over. The whole thing is about YOU changing for yourself. When you do that, the rest will follow. It may not be the same woman. It may be that with change you attract someone even better.

So, don't be inspired by others, be inspired by yourself. Don't wait for someone else to do X so you can do Y. You are young now. What happens when you're ten years down the road still waiting for someone else to do their part to make you happy? Be happy / inspired/ secure with yourself independently and you'll be amazed what happens in your life.

There are lots of ways to do that. Your dr may have some suggestions regarding positive affirmations and steps to take in that direction, so check with him/her for a recommendation based on what he/she knows about yur personality and what would work for you.

I've been very blessed with the works of such authors as Dr. Wayne Dyer (Power of Intention) and Dr. M. Scott Peck (Road Less Traveled / Further Along the Road Less Traveled).