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Dual Master Bedrooms?

 
 
Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Mar, 2007 07:59 pm
when did this jump past good naured bickering? I'm not mad...
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squinney
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Mar, 2007 08:01 pm
Very long day at work followed by an additional 4 hours of "Kids Night" at the clubhouse with 17 five-nine year olds.

Did I miss anything? Laughing
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Tai Chi
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Mar, 2007 08:10 pm
Sounds like you could use a good night's sleep Squinney -- maybe Bear should sleep on the couch Very Happy
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squinney
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Mar, 2007 08:20 pm
Tai Chi wrote:
Sounds like you could use a good night's sleep Squinney -- maybe Bear should sleep on the couch Very Happy


That sounds perfect! Why don't YOU let him know? Very Happy
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Tai Chi
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Mar, 2007 08:22 pm
Unfortunately, I'm allergic to Bears...
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squinney
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Mar, 2007 08:34 pm
He's not feeling well, so I'm gonna let sleeping Bears lie.

Luckily it's a king size bed which is like having our own rooms with the exception of him always ending up with the remote. Sometimes as I'm drifting off, and he thinks I'm not paying attention to the tv any more, I sense his approach and put my hand on the remote just to mess with him. He backs right off.
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dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Mar, 2007 11:33 pm
squinney wrote:
He's not feeling well, so I'm gonna let sleeping Bears lie.

Luckily it's a king size bed which is like having our own rooms with the exception of him always ending up with the remote. Sometimes as I'm drifting off, and he thinks I'm not paying attention to the tv any more, I sense his approach and put my hand on the remote just to mess with him. He backs right off.


Twins, I'm telling ya they have to be twins. Just to mess with me is her favorite excuse
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Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Mar, 2007 06:52 am
Tai Chi wrote:
Unfortunately, I'm allergic to Bears...


you will be by the time I finish with you if you poke your head and your nose into my bedroom affairs.... Evil or Very Mad
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nimh
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Mar, 2007 07:37 am
Chai wrote:
nimh, how long have you been living with this woman?

It does sound like a harlequin romance, it really does, the way others have expressed themselves sound "weird" to you

Harlequin romance?

Haha.

Umm, no. That, it was not.

As regulars here will know... We probably went through as much pain and misfortune as in any average 20-year marriage. But nebbermind.

(Before that relationship, I shared my life with another woman for six years.)

But look it - to just get to the point. When you are equating your own response to my post, with how I described the way the separate bedrooms sounded "weird" to me, you have to reread our respective posts.

Before you angered me so, I posted one post here, in all, that described my reaction. It was extremely careful in assigning the whys and hows of my reaction to my very personal psychological make-up, and went to great lengths to make clear it was a highly individual and relative reaction.

Compare that with how you responded to my experience of love or "true" romance in your subsequent posts before I came back. Here, I'll reproduce the relevant bits for you.

I'd sincerely wish you'd check yourself after comparing these two quotes, lengthy though they may be.

nimh wrote:
Well, I'll chime in to say its weird to me too. Thats just a fact: I read it, and I go, "urrgh.. thats awful!". Thats my first emotional reaction.

I dont know why exactly. First off, obviously, I guess, is that I wouldnt want to, myself - like, the desire is alien to me, and things that are alien to you tend to seem "weird". I mean - is my reaction - isnt love all about enjoying the other's nearness? Waking up and seeing her hair.. [description snipped].

Thats precious to me, I guess, so I suppose I feel a little bit threatened when I read something like this? I mean, still purely talking instant emotional reaction - lemme do the full nano-second by nano-second analysis here Smile - I think I'd be quite upset if my loved one left the bed after making love, or never joined me at all in the evening, or would say after some cuddling - now go to your own bed. I would feel so alone, kinda - I mean, here's the person you love, and that you love holding - and she doesnt want you to be near! Or something. Thats the anxious counterpart to the romantic above.

So I guess there's some snap-second of self-defence going on there, like: oh god if this is becoming ever more common, then.. I might come across it too.

On another level, purely instinctively speaking, I react negatively to it in an abstract way, and its a kind of silly exaggeration that I sometimes do, taking any random incidental thing and associating / equating it with some grand universal pattern of "where society is heading", and passing judgement on it like that. Even though the incidental example may have very good concrete reasons and nothing to do with any broader thing in society whatsoever. Its annoying, I know.

But for the record, the instinctive association I make when reading little "lifestyle" items like this is with the tendency of people to live ever more separately, ever more individualistically [description snipped].

Yeah, like I said, its a dystopia (anti-utopia), a kind of abstract, apocalyptic (to me) vision. And you know, lots of little things that by themselves seem wholly innocuous, like for example [..] cornershops being replaced by online shopping, bla bla bla etc etc - well, its like, I dont like the general direction, so I tend to have a strong immediate negative reaction to any little "lifestyle trend" thats pointed out that fits in the pattern, or something.

So, feeling the same response as Bella had, this is, for me, the backstory of my response anyhow, FWIW.

Compare:

Chai wrote:
Nimh, society isn't "headed" anywhere in this respect. [..] jeez louise.

oh nimh...I meant to say this before....you said something above about sleeping together and waking up together and looking into each others sleepy eyes and all that stuff, and asked "Isn't that what marriage is all about"?

Well, no, it isn't.

In fact it's a very very small part of the big picture of what being married means. Touching is bonding, but going through what life throws at you is infinately more so. [..]

yaknow...

thinking about it, I have been married to, living with or dating with weeking stays with men for a total of more than 20 years. I don't know about everyone, but [..] I never once have thought....

"oh wow, I wish we were waking up together and staring into each others sleepy eyes and pushing back each others tossled hair."

Sure sometimes you wake up and spoon for awhile, but [..] life isn't some harliquen romance novel, which quite frankly, are boring in the extreme. [..]

I'm romantic in ways that REALLY count.

You can discount that last line as a joke directed to someone else if you wish, and still I think the contrast would be pretty stark when it comes to whether respect is expressed for the other's reality. And this was before I came back in anger. Like Bella said, you were doing exactly to us what you accused us of doing to you.

Food for thought. OK, now I'm really out of here..
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dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Mar, 2007 09:05 am
Perhaps it would sound differently if Chai wrote, like you that "To me...." and "I believe..." and "I think...."

Other than that I see no difference. Chai is, like you and Bella, only explaining her preference. Do you really believe she thinks more of herself and is shooting you guys down? Because i don't see that.
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squinney
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Mar, 2007 09:31 am
Can we all just agree that:

1. Each persons preference is personal and unique to them

2. Each persons desire for how their marriage proceed is personal and unique.

3. NO ones preferences are right or wrong?

I originally posted this because the concept is appealing to me on some levels, but would cause a major riff since it doesn't agree with Bears preference.

I admire marriages that can operate successfully and without one person feeling neglected with dual master bedrooms.

I envy those with dual master bathrooms.

I respect those that after many years still want to wake up with their partner... dragon breath and all and find that appealing. I don't think that's overly romantic, Harlenquin-esque or unrealistic as long as their partner agrees. Just the same as dual master bedrooms would have to be a couple decision.

(Gawd, my middle child inability to deal with discourse and need to moderate is getting a work-out this week) Very Happy
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eoe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Mar, 2007 09:46 am
Glad you feel that need to moderate squinney because this has become so completely ridiculous, I wouldn't even bother.
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cyphercat
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Mar, 2007 10:44 am
Nimh, don't worry, I like waking up the same way you do, so we're fine. Everyone else just chill out. Razz
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CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Mar, 2007 11:01 am
cyphercat wrote:
Nimh, don't worry, I like waking up the same way you do, so we're fine.


Me too!


Quote:
Everyone else just chill out. Razz


They're lacking some TLC in the morning http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/standart/punish2.gif
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Mar, 2007 11:17 am
Bear and I are of the same mind...what the hell happened?

I'm goin' to watch them smooth out the concrete in front of my house.
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dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Mar, 2007 12:01 pm
http://www.northernbrigade.com/files/uploads/395/group-hug.jpg
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Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Mar, 2007 12:21 pm
I had no ideea this was such an important issue to you honey, I'll convert the downstairs family room to my bedroom next week....
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DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Mar, 2007 05:33 pm
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain once said "I can live for two months on a good compliment." Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is "Words of Affirmation." Simple statements, such as, "You look great in that suit," or "You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies," are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.

Quality Time
Quality time is more than mere proximity. It's about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.

Receiving Gifts
Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.

Acts of Service
Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.

Physical Touch
Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.
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snood
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Mar, 2007 09:23 pm
this is incredible - that you posted about Chapman's "Love Languages".

I swear to God I just finished the book less than a week ago. Me and Cheryl were both reading it, as part of our pre-marital preemptive medicine stuff.

It's very, very interesting ideas - the whole notion that just learning how your 'other' perceives expressed love can make all the difference.

Mine is quality time, with physical touch second. Hers is physical touch, with quality time second. Kinda convenient, eh?
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DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Mar, 2007 11:11 pm
Sweet.


T and I are quite a bit away from each other. She's acts of service and I'm words of affirmation....
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