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Dual Master Bedrooms?

 
 
Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 07:16 am
oh man, I was beginning to quiver with anticipation :wink:
0 Replies
 
eoe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 07:23 am
TO EACH HIS/HER OWN.

Why is this worthy of an argument or having to defend oneself? Does it really matter to any of you who's sleeping with their spouse and who isn't?

Usually my husband and I sleep together but when he starts snoring and wakes me up more than once in a night, I go to the guest room or the daybed in my office. He doesn't like it but leaves me no choice.

After twelve years, I don't sleep well alone.
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 07:29 am
eoe wrote:
TO EACH HIS/HER OWN.

Why is this worthy of an argument or having to defend oneself? Does it really matter to any of you who's sleeping with their spouse and who isn't?

After twelve years, I don't sleep well alone.


No. It doesn't. I thought the point of the thread was to express our opinion about it and so I did.

And I don't sleep well alone either.
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squinney
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 08:39 am
Thanks for your support, Chai.

He probably would sleep with you in our bed if you left the cat tail on.

After 18 years he still gets to sleep with me.

He's such a lucky bear. Very Happy
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 08:52 am
You could get a blow up squinney doll.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 11:23 am
Chai wrote:
HA!

that's what I've been trying to remember Linkat...I think it's called "jimmy legs", no?

As for the poor lovely thing being all alone in the next room, oh honestly. How do you know the poor thing isn't getting the best sleep she's had all month?

What if you partner said to you, "I'm really restless tonight, and I'm keeping you awake, and I don't want you holding me. I need to go to the other bed."?

Would you make that person stay and jitter and wish they could thrash around a little bit?


I can't remember which.

Once when my daughter was a toddler we used to let her sleep with us because she had difficulty otherwise. Then she began to be a restless sleeper - we weren't getting much sleep because of her movements. When I brought her for her checkup the doctor asked how she was sleeping - I told her about the sleeping habits - she then asked are you getting a good night's sleep and suggested we put her in her own bed as we would not be good parents if we didn't get enough sleep. Duh, obvious isn't it?

Perhaps by sleeping separating and then getting a good night's sleep, you can be a better spouse.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 11:25 am
Bella Dea wrote:
Chai wrote:


Why is it any more weird for consenting people to agree to 2 beds, or 2 rooms, than for 2 consenting people to agree that it's ok if their partner have sex with someone else?

I've heard people, including you Bella & Francis, acting as if it would be totally natural for married people to have outside affairs, like if both parties agree, or you live in a so much more sophisticated Rolling Eyes culture..
Why can't 2 faithful people enjoy a good nights rest?


I don't think I've ever said that it was ok for married/committed people to have outside affairs. And if I did, I must have been smoking.

And I understand what you are saying which is why I keep on saying that it's weird FOR ME. I wouldn't do it. And can't understand why anyone else would want to for more than a night or two. I can't stand not sleeping with my husband and don't know why anyone else would want to sleep away from theirs. Aside from someone being so loud of a snorer that you have no other options, that is. Or being sick and not wanting to keep the other person up all night. In normal every day circumstances, I couldn't stand not sleeping with him.


I think the reason you can't understand is you get a good night's sleep together - no tossing and turning or snoring or it just doesn't affect your sleep pattern so sleeping together isn't an issue.
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 11:34 am
He snores on occasion. And gets up for work 2 hours before me every morning, and sometimes on my day off. And gets phone calls at 2am.

I don't mind I guess.
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Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 11:36 am
Bella Dea wrote:
He snores on occasion. And gets up for work 2 hours before me every morning, and sometimes on my day off. And gets phone calls at 2am.

I don't mind I guess.


Well that's it. The benefits of sleeping together out way the cons for you whereas it is not the same for other couples.
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 11:44 am
Linkat wrote:
Bella Dea wrote:
He snores on occasion. And gets up for work 2 hours before me every morning, and sometimes on my day off. And gets phone calls at 2am.

I don't mind I guess.


Well that's it. The benefits of sleeping together out way the cons for you whereas it is not the same for other couples.


Great. Then don't sleep together.

It's not for me. It never will be. End of story.
0 Replies
 
Chai
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 11:57 am
Just a word...

never say never Bella.

I'm not wishing this on you at all, it's great you can sleep through occassional distrubtions.

snoring being the least of it.

For all the reason I listed above, and more I can't even think of, the day may come when you at least don't want to be in each others arms, if not in the same bed.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but severe illness can really have a toll. The day may come where you spouse is the one saying he wishes you would move to another bed, or tell you he needs to sleep in another room. A debilatating illness, or medications being taken can change anyones feelings about sleep.

Even something like back pain, chronic or acute, may cause a person to want to be alone to sleep.

No one, including me, has ever said to you that it's an ideal situation. But marriage is a long time, and our bodies change over that time.

Besides, something that sad to bring up, but I have thought of during this thread, and personally in my life.
One or the other of you is going to go first. You know from my past stories my husband should have been dead years ago. I realized during that time not to get too used to how things are at any particular moment, things can change in the blink of an idea.

I don't discount anything possibly happening. The future is a strange place.

You seem to think some are telling you that people shouldn't sleep together, not at all. But you were the one saying it's weird to you, not anyone else.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 12:11 pm
In many ways I love to sleep (actually sleep) with my husband. It is wonderful when you have that comfortable warm body next to you. It is great when you have a nightmare and can then cuddle up to him and feel better.

But I have to admit when he was gone away on business, I stretched out and sleep the width of the bed - just cause I could, I kept the TV on (with the snoozer), I didn't have some one stealing the covers (he does this nightly - I try to tuck them under my body), my cat could sleep with me again (he can't stand her purring - I love it).

I did miss the warm body, the comforting feeling of him next to me, but I also loved the above things too. Does this mean I want to sleep without him - no, but I am aware of the benefits of not. Right now for me the pros outweigh the cons (except when one is feeling sick or is having a tough time sleeping), but I realize you never know when this could change.
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 12:19 pm
Chai wrote:

One or the other of you is going to go first. You know from my past stories my husband should have been dead years ago. I realized during that time not to get too used to how things are at any particular moment, things can change in the blink of an idea.



Which is exactly why I refuse to give up sleeping with him. There are few things that I share just with him. This is one.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 12:33 pm
Bella Dea wrote:
Which is exactly why I refuse to give up sleeping with him. There are few things that I share just with him. This is one.


I don't think anyone's insisting that you give up sleeping with your husband, Bella Dea.

The strongest thing directed to you seems to be "never say never". Which seems quite sensible.
0 Replies
 
nimh
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 12:34 pm
Well, I'll chime in to say its weird to me too. Thats just a fact: I read it, and I go, "urrgh.. thats awful!". Thats my first emotional reaction.

I dont know why exactly. First off, obviously, I guess, is that I wouldnt want to, myself - like, the desire is alien to me, and things that are alien to you tend to seem "weird". I mean - is my reaction - isnt love all about enjoying the other's nearness? Waking up and seeing her hair.. the scent of her skin as you open your eyes, lying next to her.. looking into each other's eyes when you wake up, her sleepy "good morning" an invitation to hold each other a bit before getting up and facing bathroom tiles and mirror reflections. There's few things as beautiful as your lover falling asleep in your arms, as you caress her hair or just hold her, or as drifting to sleep yourself in your lover's arms..

Thats precious to me, I guess, so I suppose I feel a little bit threatened when I read something like this? I mean, still purely talking instant emotional reaction - lemme do the full nano-second by nano-second analysis here Smile - I think I'd be quite upset if my loved one left the bed after making love, or never joined me at all in the evening, or would say after some cuddling - now go to your own bed. I would feel so alone, kinda - I mean, here's the person you love, and that you love holding - and she doesnt want you to be near! Or something. Thats the anxious counterpart to the romantic above.

So I guess there's some snap-second of self-defence going on there, like: oh god if this is becoming ever more common, then.. I might come across it too.

On another level, purely instinctively speaking, I react negatively to it in an abstract way, and its a kind of silly exaggeration that I sometimes do, taking any random incidental thing and associating / equating it with some grand universal pattern of "where society is heading", and passing judgement on it like that. Even though the incidental example may have very good concrete reasons and nothing to do with any broader thing in society whatsoever. Its annoying, I know.

But for the record, the instinctive association I make when reading little "lifestyle" items like this is with the tendency of people to live ever more separately, ever more individualistically, up to where interdependence is becoming some kind of bad word. Well, I mean, been happening for decades of course - in older times, like was said already, grandparents, parents, children and in-laws might still live together in the same house. And I dont think Id want that myself. But its gone now, instead we got the 'nuclear family', and families become ever smaller too. And theres this dystopian (to me) vision where we all end up in our individual pod, only connecting with each other at moments of choice and in ways of choice, on a purely rational and organised basis.

Yeah, like I said, its a dystopia (anti-utopia), a kind of abstract, apocalyptic (to me) vision. And you know, lots of little things that by themselves seem wholly innocuous, like for example people building ever bigger houses that take up their entire yard and that in return they spend ever more time inside of, kids not playing in the street - cornershops being replaced by online shopping, bla bla bla etc etc - well, its like, I dont like the general direction, so I tend to have a strong immediate negative reaction to any little "lifestyle trend" thats pointed out that fits in the pattern, or something.

So, feeling the same response as Bella had, this is, for me, the backstory of my response anyhow, FWIW.
0 Replies
 
nimh
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 01:01 pm
dadpad wrote:
Bear It is clear to me you are my long lost brother and I think we may have married twins. [..] Does squinney say "I'm going to bed" then does 6 other things?

Every woman does that Razz

As for this little exchange..

Chai wrote:
I've heard people, including you Bella & Francis, acting as if it would be totally natural for married people to have outside affairs, like if both parties agree, or you live in a so much more sophisticated Rolling Eyes culture..

<insert angry responses by Bella and Francis>
Chai wrote:
I have read you in threads saying that if 2 people are both in agreement to their marriage arrangements, one partner could have sex with someone, and it might be all right....

I dont know what Bella or Francis have said, but "it might be all right" is already lightyears removed from "it would be totally natural".

Bit of a low blow here. Accusing them of "acting as if it would be totally natural for married people to have outside affairs", and then when called on it, backtracking to well, she has said that "it might be all right", and he, well, alluded so. And then still wrapping up with a "I'm not going to argue, because you both know that's true"! Not what you said originally, it isn't..

Anywho..
0 Replies
 
Chai
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 01:23 pm
Bella Dea wrote:
Chai wrote:

One or the other of you is going to go first. You know from my past stories my husband should have been dead years ago. I realized during that time not to get too used to how things are at any particular moment, things can change in the blink of an idea.



Which is exactly why I refuse to give up sleeping with him. There are few things that I share just with him. This is one.



Bella, when are you going to get it through your head NO ONE is telling you to stop sleeping with your husband?

I think you are just now enjoying making arguements for things already clarified... did I not say in my last post No one, including me, has ever said to you that it's an ideal situation.

but as ebeth clarified, "never say never" seems sensible.

Again, and this seems to be a point you're missing, I think the discussion of this, and some people fessing up that sometimes they abandon the sacred marriage bed for an occassional night, 50% of the time, or all of the time, but be a really reassuring thing to people who do this, and may have felt they were being an oddball.

Come to think of it, this sex, snuggling then falling asleep isn't even part of my marriage, because 95% of the time we have sex in the middle of the afternoon, or early evening, like before 7pm. Neither one of us goes to sleep afterwards because we eventually get back up and do stuff before bedtime.

Nimh, society isn't "headed" anywhere in this respect. People have always chosen to do this, it's just know more people have enough money to make that 2nd room a little nicer.

jeez louise.
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 01:35 pm
Afternoon Delight
The Starland Vocal Band

Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
gonna grab some afternoon delight.
My motto's always been; when it's right, it's right.
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night.
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day.
And you know the night is always gonna be there any way.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
looking forward to a little afternoon delight.
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
and the thought of rubbin' you is getting so exciting.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Started out this morning feeling so polite
I always though a fish could not be caught who wouldn't bite
But you've got some bait a waitin' and I think I might try nibbling
a little afternoon delight.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Please be waiting for me baby when I come around.
We could make a lot of lovin' 'for the sun goes down.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.
0 Replies
 
nimh
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 01:39 pm
Chai wrote:
Nimh, society isn't "headed" anywhere in this respect. [..] jeez louise.

You may well be right. I did, after all, clearly label the society-headed thing as my "instinctive association". And for good measure I introduced it as follows:

Quote:
purely instinctively speaking, I react negatively to it in an abstract way, and its a kind of silly exaggeration that I sometimes do, taking any random incidental thing and associating / equating it with some grand universal pattern of "where society is heading", and passing judgement on it like that. Even though the incidental example may have very good concrete reasons and nothing to do with any broader thing in society whatsoever. Its annoying, I know


I'm kind of surprised that even such a carefully conditionalised and relativated take would still make anyone go "jeez louise"... especially in light of the, ahem, rather starkly contrasting boldness of some of your own statements here.
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2007 01:42 pm
Chai wrote:



Bella, when are you going to get it through your head NO ONE is telling you to stop sleeping with your husband?

I think you are just now enjoying making arguements for things already clarified... did I not say in my last post No one, including me, has ever said to you that it's an ideal situation. .


Me? I never even wanted to start this "argument" except you had to post (several times) about how I was saying it was weird and unnatural and that it's ok for married people to have affairs.
0 Replies
 
 

 
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