12
   

All of your burning philosophical questions answered

 
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Mar, 2007 08:33 am
Joe Nation wrote:
Sorry,,,,,,, I need to learn how to pay attention.

I think I was so excited to see a quote I actually recognized that I jumped to the conclusion that it was on J's sig not Roberta's.

Roberta's explanation was crystal clear, unlike the skies of Scotland, and for the first time I see the young girl, her damp clothes clinging to her like SaranWrap, getting kissed against her will, all while being surrounded by a quite concealing field of rye.

I had to go lie down (lae doone?) while I thought about it.

I'm done thinking about it now.

um....so ,,, that is all.

Joe(I would like to know about the feather because I have another question)Nation


Okay, I'm ready. Here, have a Lorna Doone.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Mar, 2007 08:35 am
Reyn wrote:
Chumly wrote:
I am an impressive handsome lad by any measure, yet I'm reluctant to use my photo as my avatar due to the overwhelmingly inevitable erotic propositions beyond what a mere mortal could endure. And yet I do like the personal touch it can bring to this harsh cyber-world.

What should I do?

Simple, wear a mask when you take a photo of yourself! Laughing

Next question....


A leather mask is best, as it breathes. Try to stay away from anything plastic or allergenic. Thanks, Reyn, for picking up the slack on that one.

May your sock drawer smell of cantaloupe.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Mar, 2007 08:37 am
Eva wrote:
Chumly wrote:
Jes,
I am an impressive handsome lad by any measure, yet I'm reluctant to use my photo as my avatar due to the overwhelmingly inevitable erotic propositions beyond what a mere mortal could endure. And yet I do like the personal touch it can bring to this harsh cyber-world.

What should I do?


You must post your picture immediately, of course. The women of A2K are more discerning than average, having been spoiled by the likes of Lord Ellpus, Francis and numerous others. We can take it. We will let you know if your photo measures up to our expectations.


































Oh, sorry. You were speaking to jespah, weren't you. Embarrassed Laughing


No sweat, all help and added advice is most welcome, I do sleep between postings in order to keep up my strength and sometimes an answer cannot wait, so I thank you for picking up the slack.

May your toaster always be shiny.
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  2  
Reply Sat 24 Mar, 2007 03:29 pm
jespah wrote:
Roberta wrote:
... Jes, I reread that Burns question twice, hoping it was directed at you. But I don't think your signature line is from Burns. So I assumed Joe was talking to me. Didn't mean to horn in on your turf. I shoulda made up a joke about kilts. But, like I said, being literal minded is a character flaw.

Thanks for the kind words about my figurativity and literalitivity.

Here's a question for you. The other day I found part of a yellow feather on my living room floor. There are no birds here. In fact, there are no feathers anywhere in my apartment (I'm allergic.) Whither camest the feather?


A neighborhood child either was carrying around a Big Bird doll or a neighborhood neat freak came by with a feather duster (they carry 'em everywhere, dontcha know). Either way, it ends badly, with the child crying about the lost feather or the neat freak whining about both the clutter of a feather lying around and the loss of perfect symmetry on the feather duster itself. It's worse, of course, if you know of any under-18 neat freaks. Try to keep them out of your apartment at all times, unless they offer gifts of brownies.


Wouldn't I have known if one of these types had been in my apartment? This is kinda alarming. And how come I didn't get one of those "May the jaguar of joy take a bite out of your tush," kinda things at the end. I'm hurt. Crying or Very sad Very hurt.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  2  
Reply Sat 24 Mar, 2007 05:59 pm
Okay, here's my question:

I want to start a service business where I call people for people.

Suppose you didn't to go in on Monday, you call me and on Monday morning I call your boss and say:

"Jespah will be in on Tuesday, if she feels like it."

And, you know, like if I get any lip back, I will really let them have it between the eyes like:

"Hey, what part of crazy-brain psycho slavedriver did you not understand, you crazy brained psycho slavedriver! Eat me!!"

Anyway, my question is:

Do I have to stand in line at the unemployment office with you or can I just send a note?"


Joe(Please give Jespah some money, she's not as dumb as she looks)Nation
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Mar, 2007 07:12 pm
Roberta wrote:
jespah wrote:
Roberta wrote:
... Jes, I reread that Burns question twice, hoping it was directed at you. But I don't think your signature line is from Burns. So I assumed Joe was talking to me. Didn't mean to horn in on your turf. I shoulda made up a joke about kilts. But, like I said, being literal minded is a character flaw.

Thanks for the kind words about my figurativity and literalitivity.

Here's a question for you. The other day I found part of a yellow feather on my living room floor. There are no birds here. In fact, there are no feathers anywhere in my apartment (I'm allergic.) Whither camest the feather?


A neighborhood child either was carrying around a Big Bird doll or a neighborhood neat freak came by with a feather duster (they carry 'em everywhere, dontcha know). Either way, it ends badly, with the child crying about the lost feather or the neat freak whining about both the clutter of a feather lying around and the loss of perfect symmetry on the feather duster itself. It's worse, of course, if you know of any under-18 neat freaks. Try to keep them out of your apartment at all times, unless they offer gifts of brownies.


Wouldn't I have known if one of these types had been in my apartment? This is kinda alarming. And how come I didn't get one of those "May the jaguar of joy take a bite out of your tush," kinda things at the end. I'm hurt. Crying or Very sad Very hurt.


Oops, sorry, I forgot the "may you" part, and I've alarmed you about weird feather-wielding intruders.

May the song of your life not be a polka. Unless you like polkas.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Mar, 2007 07:15 pm
Joe Nation wrote:
Okay, here's my question:

I want to start a service business where I call people for people.

Suppose you didn't to go in on Monday, you call me and on Monday morning I call your boss and say:

"Jespah will be in on Tuesday, if she feels like it."

And, you know, like if I get any lip back, I will really let them have it between the eyes like:

"Hey, what part of crazy-brain psycho slavedriver did you not understand, you crazy brained psycho slavedriver! Eat me!!"

Anyway, my question is:

Do I have to stand in line at the unemployment office with you or can I just send a note?"

Joe(Please give Jespah some money, she's not as dumb as she looks)Nation


Oh my. Well, can you please tell Cement Head that I really don't want to hear the same story yet again and will gladly pay him to tell it to someone else? I'll pay for that, and for him to go elsewhere. I be generous that way. And, er, thanks for the parenthetical thing, I think.

As for the Unemployment Office, they're online here, so you can A2K and getcher check at the same time. It's convenient and lazy, at the same time! So it holds a lot of happiness, so far as I'm concerned, or at least whatever happiness can be purchased for 55% of my usual salary.

May the tuna salad of friendship be enhanced by the chunky celery of patience and the sliced apples of understanding.
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  2  
Reply Sun 25 Mar, 2007 04:35 am
jespah wrote:

Oops, sorry, I forgot the "may you" part, and I've alarmed you about weird feather-wielding intruders.

May the song of your life not be a polka. Unless you like polkas.


I'll pass on the polkas. Thanks for the "may you."
0 Replies
 
George
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Mar, 2007 03:27 pm
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
0 Replies
 
Tryagain
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Mar, 2007 01:07 pm
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Try, and I am an alcoholic'?
0 Replies
 
Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Mar, 2007 06:52 pm
Does it hurt to smack your lips with relish?
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  2  
Reply Wed 28 Mar, 2007 07:54 pm
It all depends on how big the chunks of pickle are.


(signed) Jespah's Stand-In
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Mar, 2007 04:30 am
George wrote:
What was the best thing before sliced bread?


Forgive me, I've been remiss for a while.

The best thing before sliced bread was bacon. And if you talk to Emeril Lagasse, it still is.

May a friendly alien materialize and do your taxes.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Mar, 2007 04:34 am
Tryagain wrote:
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Try, and I am an alcoholic'?


Well, it's called that because there may have been a few folks who were imbibing adult beverages when that rule was thought up. This is why you should use your neighbor's name when coming out (as it were) at an AA meeting. "Hi, I'm Fred Dinkleberg, and I'm ...." Then if someone gets upset about you impersonating Dinkleberg (or his equivalent in your town), just tell 'em you were drunk while saying that and really meant to say you're Mrs. Ethel McShnookie of Saskatchewan. Ethel does not mind as she does not get out much.

May the motor boat of maturity carry you swiftly and safely through a sea of idiots.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Mar, 2007 04:35 am
Eva wrote:
It all depends on how big the chunks of pickle are.


(signed) Jespah's Stand-In


Thank you for filling in while I was eating too many pretzels.

May all your lost gloves and socks be found and returned to you.

And, for Chumly:
May the spoon of joy get to the last bit of the rice pudding in the bowl of plenty.
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Thu 12 Apr, 2007 06:01 am
I hope you're not all anwered out, oh, great know-it-all of the north. I have another question.

When my cat died, a dear friend adopted a wolf for me in my cat's honor. I received a certificate of adoption. My question is, what if this wolf gets into trouble. Am I responsible? Must I pay for damages? What if he decides he wants a college degree? Am I stuck with the bill? BTW, he never phones; he never writes. Kids these days. Confused
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Thu 12 Apr, 2007 04:07 pm
Roberta wrote:
I hope you're not all anwered out, oh, great know-it-all of the north. I have another question.

When my cat died, a dear friend adopted a wolf for me in my cat's honor. I received a certificate of adoption. My question is, what if this wolf gets into trouble. Am I responsible? Must I pay for damages? What if he decides he wants a college degree? Am I stuck with the bill? BTW, he never phones; he never writes. Kids these days. Confused


Not at all, and thank you for the nudge.

First, my condolences (albeit kinda late) for the loss of your dear cat.

Now, onto adopted wolves. Generally, your standard wolf family remains more or less out of trouble (although sheep might think otherwise), solid blue-collar type citizens not attending college but keeping on an even keel by learning a trade. The trade is group hunting, and fortunately their aim is far more reliable than Dick Cheney's. They kinda live in the animal kingdom's version of Bayside, Queens. Not as ritzy as Manhattan but well-kept with nice lawns graced by the occasional garden gnome. There are some cross-dressing wolves, they wear a lot of wool and maybe your adoptee was a tad concerned that you would not be accepting of this alternative lifestyle. That could explain the dearth of phone calls.

Greyhounds, however, you have to be careful of, seeing as they're very speedy for a quick getaway, plus they're all tattooed. We had one briefly, and his tattoo said something like XJ2002-35b, which I suspect is dogspeak for "Mom". But even I can't be sure with these wily beasts.

May the hamster of respect power the slightly squeaky wheel of love.
0 Replies
 
Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Thu 12 Apr, 2007 04:13 pm
I have long hair and my (shorthaired domestic) cat will take my hair ties and run away with them, my dog OTOH has long hair too, so I cut it every spring, what does this all mean?
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Thu 12 Apr, 2007 04:38 pm
jespah wrote:
Roberta wrote:
I hope you're not all anwered out, oh, great know-it-all of the north. I have another question.

When my cat died, a dear friend adopted a wolf for me in my cat's honor. I received a certificate of adoption. My question is, what if this wolf gets into trouble. Am I responsible? Must I pay for damages? What if he decides he wants a college degree? Am I stuck with the bill? BTW, he never phones; he never writes. Kids these days. Confused


Not at all, and thank you for the nudge.

First, my condolences (albeit kinda late) for the loss of your dear cat.

Now, onto adopted wolves. Generally, your standard wolf family remains more or less out of trouble (although sheep might think otherwise), solid blue-collar type citizens not attending college but keeping on an even keel by learning a trade. The trade is group hunting, and fortunately their aim is far more reliable than Dick Cheney's. They kinda live in the animal kingdom's version of Bayside, Queens. Not as ritzy as Manhattan but well-kept with nice lawns graced by the occasional garden gnome. There are some cross-dressing wolves, they wear a lot of wool and maybe your adoptee was a tad concerned that you would not be accepting of this alternative lifestyle. That could explain the dearth of phone calls.

Greyhounds, however, you have to be careful of, seeing as they're very speedy for a quick getaway, plus they're all tattooed. We had one briefly, and his tattoo said something like XJ2002-35b, which I suspect is dogspeak for "Mom". But even I can't be sure with these wily beasts.

May the hamster of respect power the slightly squeaky wheel of love.


So you think he's not calling because he thinks I won't approve. Silly lupine. As for blue collar, I like that a lot. Never been to Bayside Queens. I'm sure it's a lovely neighborhood.

As for the speedy greyhounds. Hah! Cheetahs can run almost twice as fast as greyhounds. Let 'em run. Don't know what to say about the tatoo, though. You think it's a dog version of mom? I'm touched.

But greyhounds are not my concern. I've got an errant wolf on my hands. Glad I don't have to start a college fund.

Love the hamster thing.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Thu 12 Apr, 2007 05:44 pm
Well, the wheel is only slightly squeaky, yanno. I do wonder, though, whether wolves like garden gnomes.
0 Replies
 
 

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