All of your burning philosophical questions answered

Philosopher or Oracle?

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If people stood on their heads twelve hours a day, would they tend not to wrinkle as they age?

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First off, I'd like to thank CJane for picking up the slack while I was napping (er, gathering more information. Yeah, that's the ticket). Well-rested, I am ready to continue.

gustavratzenhofer wrote:

Why do intelligent people elect idiots to lead them?

Most people vote for someone stupider than they are. This has happened since the dawn of time. Why, Thomas Jefferson was elected by geniuses from the Planet Zarkon and Bill Clinton benefited greatly from the dolphin vote.

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Phoenix32890 wrote:

Jespah wrote:
You'll be only marginally saner but at least you won't be Richard Nixon.

Who knows? If you are really malevolent in this life, what are the chances that when you die, you will return as a reincarnated Richard Nixon? Imagine what it would be to KEEP returning as Richard Nixon?

This is defined as hell, although it could possibly be Marlton, New Jersey before corporations discovered it and turned it into a Manhattan bedroom community. Uh, what was the question again?

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nimh wrote:

Why are so many of us spending time on A2K that would have been more productively or satisyingly be spent in other ways?

Racking up an enormous post count is productive when you start hitting the really high up there rankings, like Guru and Most Beloved of the Three Tenors and Yugoslavian Midget. As for satisfying, well, you're apparently not spending enough time on the sex threads, young man.

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How come that boy Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth--surely he was joking, no?

Anybody seen a meek chairman of the board recently?

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boomerang wrote:

Oh hurrah! I have a philosophical question that is driving me crazy:

Are the "Star Wars" movies best viewed in the order they were made (4-6, 1-3) or in the order of the story (1-6)?

It's actually an extremely complex algorithm. First, never watch any of the episodes that are not prime-numbered in order of creation. This immediately eliminates 4 and 6, so you miss nearly all of the immensely annoying Jar Jar Binks character.

This leaves you with 1, 2, 3 and 5. 3 has too many Kenner toys (I mean, ewoks) in it so you should watch that part first and get it over with, then burn it in the pagan ritual of your choice. This applies to the entire movie, but only watch the ewoks part, all the while lamenting about the lack of quality entertainment in the world today.

Then watch #2 but be sure to mute all of the Yoda sequences and replace them with the hit songs of the 70s. There's nothing like Yoda singing "You're Having My Baby".

Then watch #5 backwards. Finally, watch #1 and be sure to take a drink every time the Millennium Falcon goes into hyperdrive.

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Noddy24 wrote:

Philosopher or Oracle?

Oracle is a database, yet I have some semblance of mastery (or mistressy, if you will) over it, so Philosopher, but only when the moon is somewhat full or at least when the clocks change. Thanks for asking.

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Phoenix32890 wrote:

If people stood on their heads twelve hours a day, would they tend not to wrinkle as they age?

This is very true, but then we would have to make hats with feet on them and no one's patented that yet. {runs to Patent Office to make an emergency filing}

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Setanta wrote:

How come that boy Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth--surely he was joking, no?

Anybody seen a meek chairman of the board recently?

Well, Sinatra is dead, which would automatically make him reek. Er, meek. There's also something about stock options in there. Or maybe that was stock footage. I often confuse the two.

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If Gus put Odor-Eaters in his boots, would he disappear?

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George wrote:

If Gus put Odor-Eaters in his boots, would he disappear?

Sadly, no, although it's worth a shot and we could all use the respite. I know this because I have tried covering skunks in Odor-Eaters and have found the skunks laughing at me. Then again, I suspect that all nonhuman animals are laughing at us, as are all of the plants, this is why I stay indoors and shy away from everything, even dust mites.

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jespah wrote:

boomerang wrote:
Oh hurrah! I have a philosophical question that is driving me crazy:

Are the "Star Wars" movies best viewed in the order they were made (4-6, 1-3) or in the order of the story (1-6)?

It's actually an extremely complex algorithm. First, never watch any of the episodes that are not prime-numbered in order of creation. This immediately eliminates 4 and 6, so you miss nearly all of the immensely annoying Jar Jar Binks character.

This leaves you with 1, 2, 3 and 5. 3 has too many Kenner toys (I mean, ewoks) in it so you should watch that part first and get it over with, then burn it in the pagan ritual of your choice. This applies to the entire movie, but only watch the ewoks part, all the while lamenting about the lack of quality entertainment in the world today.

Then watch #2 but be sure to mute all of the Yoda sequences and replace them with the hit songs of the 70s. There's nothing like Yoda singing "You're Having My Baby".

Then watch #5 backwards. Finally, watch #1 and be sure to take a drink every time the Millennium Falcon goes into hyperdrive.

Oh now you have me confused.

The one with the ewoks was number 6, but it came out third.

And

I would rather drink when the Millennium Falcon goes into hyperdrive during number 4 (because I like to drink), but it did come out first. I don't think the M.F. was even in #1.

And

I think Jar Jar Binks was in Episode 1, which came out fourth, but I've been wrong before.

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Ow, my head...

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jespah wrote:

George wrote:
If Gus put Odor-Eaters in his boots, would he disappear?

Sadly, no, although it's worth a shot and we could all use the respite.

Oi! Gus is the grand old man of A2K.. if A2K were an ancient, traditional village, Gus would be the bearded village elder, introducing the young 'uns about the lessons of life. They would gather around in an attentive circle as he taught them about truth and virtue and sheep.

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I see no one has asked the all important question yet, so I will.

What is the meaning of life?

By the way, I've already seen the movie. :wink:

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Jespah, you are a very funny woman. I remember being startled by how quick and funny you were back on a certain thread long, long ago about a duck, (not on a2k).

Does nutella stand alone as the embodiment of deliciousness, or should it be accompanied by vanilla ice cream?

Is the road not taken paved with gold, or covered with diamonds the size of pea gravel?

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dyslexia wrote:

[When I was younger I went to NYC to pick up the British motorcycle i had ordered and I sat in a coffee house in Greenwich Village and listened to Rick Von Schmidt and John Hammond singing the blues on the sidewalk. I also wondered why Richard Nixon was a quaker.

Wrong question.......

The question is:

"Why a Quaker would become Richard Nixon."

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boomerang wrote:

Oh hurrah! I have a philosophical question that is driving me crazy:

Are the "Star Wars" movies best viewed in the order they were made (4-6, 1-3) or in the order of the story (1-6)?

Avoid them all.....except the very first one made.

Edit:

Sorry.....I hadn't realised jes was answering all the questions....

Embarrassed

)

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I made the same mistake, sorry jespah

http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/standart/blush.gif

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All of your burning philosophical questions answered

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