How to limit time spent with the bratty kid in the class

Just wanted to report to you all I am a world class heel!

The other day, my daughter is talking to the "bratty" girl on the phone. This girl wants her come over this weekend. I decide seeing she is supposed to be with a babysitter that I would instead invite her over and try it for a few hours. I discussed this with my husband and he agreed that being at our house could be a good influence on her. Because of course we do everything right and our children are so well behaved and perfect.

Well I speak with the mom and find out they are separating because hubby is abusing drugs and she is frightened for her children's safety - restraining order and so forth.

Well who is an a$$ now.

Not you.

The situation in this child's home is sad and awful. Good on her mum for taking the steps she is taking.

Likewise, good on you (and your hubby) for making sure that your daughter is not influenced by the 'bratty' kid. That's part of good parenting, no? It doesn't make you an ass. Besides, it's not like you 'cutting off' the 'bratty' kid - instead you're inviting her to your home. Excellent idea, even more so in the light of what you have just learned about her father. She probably will benefit from being in your more 'normal' household. (Not that you should martyr yourself to that cause, should her brattiness continue unabated even in your home.)

I just feel terrible - here I am calling her bratty when her life is in such an upheaval.

It is sad that there is so much turmoil in her little world. No child deserves that kind of a life. And yes, you will now have some more insight into some of the causes behind her brattiness. I think probably having them in the back of your mind as you deal with this child may help. But you're still right in trying to ensure that your daughter has friends that you are comfortable with - that is a separate issue IMO.

If the word 'bratty' bothers you - pick a name for her: Susie, Katie, Tara....

Sure. Till you discover that you have charge of Little Brat, and Mrs. Brat decides that is a great time to go visit Grandma Brat. Then what? You are stuck, that's what.

Okay, we see Mrs Brat has serious problems going on at this time. Be helpful if you can, but don't let it mess up your life. Not even for a little while.

Unfortunately the needy kids are very rarely the loveable and charming kids.

You didn't whip the kid through the town at high noon or expose her in the pillory. You just bitched a little. Now that you know the facts, you're in action mode.

Good for you.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) I am way too busy to even invite the concept of being taken advantage of in that sort of way. But having her over for a few hours on Sat. would have happened either way.

She is not a mean child - just very hyper and hard to control.

OK I did it. She came over this weekend. I even let her stay for dinner. She was a handful, but I was ready. I did have to threatened the - if you don't stop ABC I will bring you home (and I meant it). I only had to threaten it twice. Yes, she did try to get away with stuff, but I did not give an inch.

Lunch time - can we eat in the bedroom - CindyLou gets to eat in her bedroom. My response - in our house we do not eat in the bedrooms. After lunch - can we have popcorn? Me - no, you still have your half eaten sandwiches - eat those and I will let you have some popcorn. Them - we ate our sandwiches. Me - I check the trash and see the sandwiches and say sorry we do not waste food, you cannot have any popcorn. And so the day went. Besides a bruised leg and cut lip (as a result of wild running around), we survived.

Funny part - when I went to pick her up, the little sister wanted to come over and play with my little daughter too. I said I can't handle that many children - however, I suggested when it warms up we all get together at the playground.

My husband however, is not ready to have her back over any time soon!

Linkat--

Men lack endurance in some areas.

Your daughter must have felt very secure that Your House Rules applied across the board, even to The Brat.

What are you thoughts on this? My daughter was talking about some problems she was having with the "bratty" girl - surrounding how she wouldn't take turns, how the kids at her school are all mean and she doesn't want to go there, etc. I talked to her about how she could handle it.

Then she tells me about how this bratty girl's older brother hits her (the bratty girl). She is in second grade and he is in 5th grade. Now I can understand siblings fighting like this (my brother and I did as well), but then whammo - my daughter tells me when she was over at their house that this brother was about to hit her (my daughter) except the mom had just walked in so he stopped. She was last over there a couple of months ago. Now my brother might have hit me, but he never hit my friends. And knowing my daughter, I find it highly unlikely she would even do anything that would provoke such a reaction. My daughter can be a little monster at times, but in her words - she is only naughty with me or her grandparents. I have always been complemented on her behavior with anyone else.

I did not discuss this with my husband as he is working 7 days a week from about 8:30 til 10:00 most days (he just opened a business) - for two reasons - little time to talk and he has enough things to worry so he may blow this out of proportion and it was quite a while ago. I discussed with my daughter how important it is that if this sort of thing ever happens again that she is to tell me immediately and if at school or some one else to tell the responsible adult. I also understand that this boy is very angry right now because of the family's personal situation - their mom has talked to me a little about this.

Now - if she is asked to go over and play, under the circumstances, I don't want her too. Should I talk with the mom on this? I wasn't as it was so long ago, but I was not going to have her go over there again - way too much turmoil and fear that this boy's anger may come out on my daughter. Am I being too paranoid? Any thoughts?

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, how about if Little Monster comes over here instead? If pressed, you can just say that you understand the situation there is not ideal and that maybe they'd both be happier visiting at your house until things settle down.

I agree with FreeDuck. You want to protect your daughter--but you don't want to overprotect her to the point where she can't have friendships.

A bratty houseguest seems to solve the problem for now--and you will gain great karma.

So I am not overreacting about the older brother hitting?

I don't have a problem with having her coming over or as I suggested when the weather gets nicer we meet at the playground so they can run around and play.

That sounds good to me.

I don't think it's an over-reaction, no.

Thanks - its hard to know when it is your child. The thought of anyone even another child hitting her really brings out those protective instincts.

I agree that it's not an overreaction.

Linkat--

You don't want your daughter exposed to any of the avoidable ugly parts of a household in chaos--particularly when there is the potential of physical danger.