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Tue 27 Feb, 2007 04:28 pm
Okay, so after a series of attempts at relationships with men while also being very attracted to women and compelled by their beauty and sensual savour, I think I am ready to persue a relationship with a woman for a number of reasons. One, I think women can fulfill me on many levels: Spiritually, Emotionally, and (this is quite important) Sexually.
There is a girl who I go to college with who has expressed interest in me. She is beautiful, a "queer christian" like myself (though I identify as bi and I am not even sure I like identification at all), and has a lot in common with me intellectually and conversationally. In other words, she seems like a worth while companion to seek out.
But, here's the issue. I am so incredibly attracted to her - to the point of sheer lust - that I am afraid of getting involved. I would like to see about having a relationship with her that wouldn't be based purely on sex. But when I think about her in any sense, I get turned on immediately. I feel maybe I've built her up in a way that she couldn't live up to because I've known her for a reasonable period of time, and have had the hotts for her since I first met her. But she is so cool and would have so much to offer me besides sex. But I feel like I couldn't concentrate on those things with her because of how much I hunger to know her carnally.
And yet, I suppress that out of respect for her. I do not allow myself to think of her when masturbating (though, I admit that thoughts leak in) because in my view, that is like having sex with her (or at least the idea of her) without her knowing it. I wouldn't like to think that she thought of me when masturbating because I have no control in the situation, as flattering as that seems on the surface.
The dilemma here is that I WANT her badly, but I also want to KNOW her badly. Oh, and I've never had sex with a woman; so my curiosity and desire for that is compounding the issue even further.
What's a girl to do?
Jump her bones.
She's expressed interest in you, go for it.
munch that carpet baby.... enjoy life while you're young....
hmmm....don't know if I particularly like the phrasing used by bi-polar bear, but I think I get the jist of what you are saying. Not sure that's really what I want, though. What I am saying is that part of me wants to be satisfied sexually, but a bigger part of me wants more than that.
daniellejean wrote:hmmm....don't know if I particularly like the phrasing used by bi-polar bear, but I think I get the jist of what you are saying. Not sure that's really what I want, though. What I am saying is that part of me wants to be satisfied sexually, but a bigger part of me wants more than that.
It's possible to have both in one relationship. In fact, they're the best kinds of relationships to have.
Quote:But I feel like I couldn't concentrate on those things with her because of how much I hunger to know her carnally.
What sozobe said. Jump her bones. You can't even get pregnant! Then later when the lust begins to die down and you know her better you'll figure out if you connect on a more spiritual level.
um, not sure if I see the problem. Why not have both? People do it all the time. And she's interested??
What are you waiting for?
You completely lost me on why you don't allow yourself to think of her while masturbating, daniellejean. But, other than that, I agree with everyone here.
To love someone is to have that person's growth and best interests at heart. Lust is the opposite of love as it may seduce another into an action they might regret. God has made you with an empty space that only He can fill. Sex will ultimately never satisfy you and will leave you empty if it is not in the right context. God loves you and wants the best for you. It is time maybe you ponder that and have a rethink about your lust. I do not agree with the other people's replies.
Thats because you're a christian crackpot.
God doesn't exist.
daniellejean, if she's expressed interest in you, express it back.
Be open and honest about having never been with a woman but also make it clear that you don't just want to experiment with her...you want to get to know her as a person.
You can love and lust after someone at the same time...it's called a good sex life when you're involved. :wink: Seriously though, there is no need to seperate love from lust. They are totally seperate things and can stand alone or together. You deserve to be loved
and desired. But should it turn out that you only lust after her, mayeb that's ok too. We don't always fall in love with those we lust after...in fact, many of us don't even like some of the people we lust after.
Perhaps you can just ask her out for coffee or lunch and get to know her a bit. Lunch tends to be a more neutral ground...nighttime tends to bring out the animal in us all. :wink:
And good luck!
We went out to the movies a couple of weeks ago. We had a great time, and there was no boundary-crossing, so to speak. But I got scared and never called her back. I've had too many relationships in the past year. And I'm also really busy these days. And the thing of it is, I'm not even that sad that I didn't call her back. I don't owe her anything, and she owes me nothing. So, I am really happy that I can accept that maturely. But there is also something to me not wanting the hassle of dating a woman right now (even though that's really what I want) because it would make my life even more complicated than it already is.
I am finishing school this semester, and working on loads of paperwork and logistics for my job in France next year. So, dating isn't a priority. But I can't tell my hormones that!!!
P.S. I know that I mentioned some spiritual qualms in my original post. But, if I wanted this to turn into a religious debate, I would have posted it in the religion and spirituality forum, which I did not. So I would appreciate it (although, of course, I cannot control it) if we could keep the religious mud-slinging to a minimum.
daniellejean wrote:
I am finishing school this semester, and working on loads of paperwork and logistics for my job in France next year. So, dating isn't a priority. But I can't tell my hormones that!!!
Sure you can. You are in control of your body, not the other way around.
You sound like a confused (but bright) young woman who has a lot going for her if she'd just let herself believe.
If you want to focus on school, don't date. It's perfectly acceptable. And should you date, that's fine too. We all have to make decisions in life and sometimes those decisions aren't always right. But my mom always told me, and I still to this day beleive it, that any decision is better than none at all. Flounding in the dark won't get you anywhere. At least a bad decision will help you learn how to make a better decision the next time.
You beat yourself up a lot and I think you need to take a good hard look inside yourself. You don't seem to me a bad person in any way. It just feels like you are convinced that you are somehow tainted or less than you should be. Correct me if I am wrong here, but it's very sad to see a bright young person not making it because they can't find the courage to believe that they can make it.
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