Is there life after kids?

Believe me London, you will adjust!

Have you ever seen the commercial/ad where the mom and dad are seeing their son off to college, they're crying, hugging, and putting on quite a show.

The son drives down the road, the parents go into the house, and jump for joy, play their music, dance together, and they're loving it!

Most parents adjust quite soon, so don't fret, you're in the process of having a new life, new interests, and you have earned every moment.

yep, there is life after kids. hard to believe right now maybe but it's true. no noise, no nonsense, no arguing about nothing and the nonsense.....
it took me a few months to adjust to it but i'm better off now without them being here and present day to day, as much as i love them.
i figure i earned this time of my life to myself after it's all said and done.

We'll be facing the empty nest in about three weeks. I never thought it would be bothering me this badly, but it is.

Not if they live at home into their late thirties like our son. c.i.

Misty and Mikey, I am sure you are right, but it sure feel strange right now. Had a text message from her saying she is loving every minute even though she is working 8.00pm to 3.00 am in a fast food bar, then goes for a drink afterwards, then stays in bed till about mid day.
I sure missed out on life when i was nineteen. Will have to phone her later to get the latest updates.

I guess I'm being a little philosophical as our last child is about to go off to school. My job as a father was to raise our children so they could be self supporting and take care of tthemselves. But in doing so, I've worked myself out of a job. I just feel so damn lonely and empty.

There is no rhyme or reason to who gets good children and who gets bad ones.Recently the child actor from tooltime sued his parents .Says are are totally different personalities.Some friends have the same problem. If your raising the NEW me Generation, whatch out...be carefull, be very carefull.

Jim- Of course you do. For many years now your job has been focused on the kids. With some couples, it is at the price of the couples' relationship. There are many couples who have been so busy raising the children, that when the kids leave, the parents find that they have nothing more to say to one another.

Now is the time that you and your spouse need to rediscover each other as two people, friends and lovers, not just parents.

I'd like to elaborate on the remarks Phoenix made.

A departed child leaves a great hole in your heart--but the love is still there.

A departed child also leaves a great hole in you daily routine--even if part of the routine is worrying during the midnight hours.

Just as you changed your routine to accommodate the demands of a beloved infant, you're going to have to change your routine to accomodate an almost-fledged adult. (A personality you helped to create)

The empty nest blues are all about change.

Change is hard, but change can be growth.

the rest have given really sensible good advice.

I know when i took my eldest daughter to start university in Wales (200miles away), I sobbed non stop for the first 100 miles home i think!!!

I knew perfectly well she was ok - her neighbours in the halls of residenced has already made friends with her and they were off to a disco at the students union ... it was that great big hole in my life without her!

You do need to think about YOU now and as has been said - you adapted your life to fit them in all these years and now you adapt again.

Give time to your interests - I was already doing my fine art degree as a mature student when my daughter left - that really helped. It was so absorbing. She was also a handy base for painting in the Welsh mountains! - she was at Bangor uni so Snowdonia was right near - wonderful!

Well I guess we live in the same part of the world then vivien, My daughter has just completed her foundation at gateway and is to start her BA Hons in Illustration at Falmouth college of Art in October.

Incredible!

my daughter went to Gateway as well - went to Bangor to do Psychology but decided after 18 months that it wasn't for her! shock, worry, anyway... via being Welfare Officer for the uni and a year working for the Benefits Agency in Caernarvon, she came back here and did a law degree and is now doing very well.

gateway is of course next door to De Montfort where i did my degree as a mature student.

Kids! you never stop worrying!

Too true. Sure is a small world.

Life after kids. Yep, with any luck and a good tailwind. They need encouraging to leave the family nest tho, such as --- you don't want to live with us surely. Or --- You're nearly 30 years old, so clear off. Then there's -- We are not a hotel/charity/old folks home/... If you got your own place you could have your squeeze of the month move in with you.

And of course once they've split and moved away, you'll only see them at christmas or once in a blue moon. That means you can quietly spend their inheritance and they'll never know till you kick the bucket.

With the unemployment in Silicon Valley at 10.5 percent, many elder children are moving back with their parents, because they have used up their savings. We have my wife's mother and our 36 year old younger son living with us. Our young son is still working towards his bachelors degree. I'm not sure what he's going to do with a psychology degree after he completes it. c.i.

CI === my daughter gained her psychology degree last year. There are plenty of job opportunities in the UK for such people.
But we are islanders and all that that entails. Some amongst us are certainly a little less than compus mentus and need lots of help.

Of course you hit the nail on the head phoenix, but it is the feeling that we are no longer needed that hits home. One of her favourite sayings is "get a life" well I liked the life I had, but I suppose I will have to get one now.

London, getting your own life could turn out to be a very good thing, for you!

What you are going through is just another phase, and once you realize your kids need you more than ever, and still go about some fun hobbies or interests for YOU, you will have it made.

I honestly think parents are not appreciated until the kids fly the coop, take responsibility for their own life, because it's only then that they can empathize and really feel grateful and look back on all the wonderful memories their parents gave them, guiding them all the while, and preparing them for just this time in life.

You will never be more appreciated and loved than you are at this moment, by your children.

And......... you earned every bit of it.

misti is right - time spent with kids once they leave home is 'quality time' and they really do appreciate you more.