Thanks for the responses, guys. I'd have been back sooner, but I kind of only sporadically seem to have the energy for putting my thoughts into words, you know?
Oh, how infuriating...
Are she and your mother friends? Like, separately from being partners in mother-in-law-dom? Is there any chance that she really didn't expect your mom to relay that information? In a friendship situation, I could see that things would be said just to kind of vent, and then talk about it and realize it was silly -- kind of like Mr. C and his attempts to explain why his dad did it. He said it, realized it was irrational, and got over it.
Nope, they're not close at all, they only ever see each other if they run into each other at the store or something like that, and that's rare. My mom was surprised that she thought it was appropriate to unload that on her and expect her to go along with it.
( F-i-l did the same thing with her after his big blow-up at me last summer, as though my mom was going to be looking at it his way, jeez...)
I suspect she's unloading on anyone she runs into that seems like they'll be a sympathetic audience (or just an audience at all).
That sucks though, I'm sorry... (Yes, I remember the whole "MY SON" incident... I actually had forgotten all but the broad outlines until Osso referred to it, then went and found it back... sigh...)
Oh, that was nice of you to bother with tracking that down and reading it again, I appreciate you taking the time
It does add a weird layer to this whole thing.
All I can say is that grief is not always an enobling experience. Right now your m-i-l is on a coping level of a toddler with a very nasty brushburn and she wants a mommy to kiss it and make it better.
Picking your mommy to be her mommy was really dumb.
I'm glad to hear that you pick up on that too-- it's been driving me crazy and I feel mean for thinking it. I mean, I completely understand that in her position, you'd have your weak moments where you just need to be comforted; but as a parent, it seems to me she needs to also have some strong moments where she's giving
comfort to her kids, which doesn't seem to be happening. And yeah, my mom was not the right choice for mommy-role, but I don't think she's being at all selective of who she leans on...
She does have sisters; one she rarely talks to, and one she is fairly close to but who doesn't live very close by.
While it is very convenient for her to decide that you've taken both her son and her husband, remember she's whacky as a jay bird and her universe has some large flaws in the emotional fabric.
Thank you for that. I tell
myself that it's not accurate or reasonable, but in the back of my mind, it bothers me. I feel guilty for things very easily (Catholicism in the genes) so it's hard for me not to take it to heart. I'm always inclined to think that if someone is blaming me for something, they're probably right; and plus Mr C tends to be so protective of her and thinks of her in such a positive light that I feel like I must be wrong to think not-so-well of her.