A duck walks into a bar...

A three year-old duck!

Duck walks into a drugstore, says "Gimme a tube of Chapstik. Put it on on my bill."

A duck walks into a bar, orders four shots of the most expensive 30-year-old single-malt Scotch and downs them one after the other.

The bartender says, "You look like you're in a hurry."

"You would be too if you had what I have," said the Duck.

"What have you got?"

"Fifty cents."

Haha I should have named this thread the duck tales or something.

Come one folks. More duck jokes.

Duck walks into bar, says "ouch!"

A baby seal walks into a club....

A man walks into the bar and sets a duck on the bar. The bartender says "Why did you bring that pig in here?" The man says "I beg your pardon, this is a duck". Bartender says "I beg your pardon; I was talking to the duck".

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer . . . the barman says, "hey you're a talking duck!"

"Yeah, well, have you ever seen a duck drinking beer?"

"No!"

"You will as soon as you pour me one," answers the duck.

The barman serves the duck a pint and asks him, "So, what brings a duck like you to these parts?"

"Oh," says the duck, "I work on the building site across the road. We'll be here for a couple of weeks, and I'll likely be in every lunch hour," the duck daid as he drank his beer. And, he did.

The next week, the circus comes to town. The circus owner comes in for a pint, and the barman tells him about the talking duck. "You should get this duck to join your circus," he says. "Everyone would love to see a talking duck."

The circus man nods in agreement, and the barman agrees to talk to the duck about the circus.

The following day, the duck comes in at lunchtime, as usual. The barman says to the duck, "The circus is in town, and I told the owner about you. You could make a lot of money in the circus."

"Really?" says the duck.

"Yeah, I can get you a job with him."

"Hold on," said the duck. "You did say a circus, didn't you?"

"That's right."

"That's the one with the big canvas tents, isn't it?"

"Of course," replied the barman, "I can get you a job starting tomorrow.
The circus owner's crazy about the idea."

The duck looked puzzled, "But why would he want to hire a plasterer?"

Grasshopper walks into a bar--"Gimme a shot" ,he says

"Certainly"says the bartender
"You know we have a drink named after you"
The grasshopper says'"Really? you have a drink named Bob?"