What you're describing is not the "7 yr itch" - you should do some more research. It's a person who got a glimpse of what life could be like and who's making a change.
I'm happy if you're happy that you're working it out. I'm surprised actually, given how totally controlling of your lives your husband was. I am also surprised that your husband is not pursuing his soon-to-be divorced friend.
I completely agree with Bella Dea on this one - there's a certain amount of respect - no, I should say there's a minimum amount of respect that I have to have in my relationships and cheating crosses every single line I draw in the sand. I don't understand people who continue with their relationships, but I read about it every day here. Different strokes.
Good luck. Hope you stay happy.
sozobe wrote:I think her motives are probably good, I just worry a bit about the message. Guy whose wife is (or might be) cheating comes and reads this. What message does he take away from it?
The quitting her job part especially concerns me, as part of her apparent recipe for a happy marriage.
So, imagining this reader, I wanted to say hmmm.
Right, I don't think the intent was a 'roadmap to success' but more that success is possible with a personal example.
martybarker wrote:I had always told myself that I would not stay with a cheater. Until I was actually faced with the reality. When I found out that my husband had developed feelings for another woman and was unhappy in our marriage I tried desperately to get counselling and work on our issues. My relationship didn't turn out the way yours did. 3 years later and he is still with the woman he had developed feelings for. This was after 15 years of marriage and two wonderful kids. I understand now that people go through changes. Some stick around and work through them and some simply walk away.
I have to say though, that hindsight is 20/20. Knowing now what I didn't know then I realize that I am better off without an unfaithful, noncommitted,disloyal cheater. I feel that his lying went further back than I realize. And I also totally agree that cheating is a choice. In counselling my ex claimed that this new found love "just happened" I don't think that he slipped and fell(naked) right smack dab on top of her(naked) I feel that he made a choice long before he met her that he no longer had respect for me as his wife and the mother of his children.
Just reading this story now without reading the replies, gonna reply first.
I don't even see what you did as cheating, snookie. Seriously.
Any man that is inviting a woman into your home to live with your family! after admitting a love for her and be so openly engaged in an emotional affair....is long gone.
No longer your problem. No longer required that you retain commitment to someone who is gone!
This story blows my mind. I'm glad if you are happy - but my god...he should have been crying to you and kissing your ass, not the other way around.
I'm just reading the story and the replies....
And at this point, what I agree with Mrspookie is.... Love IS worth fighting for...
First thing, if you and your husband are happy now, good for you!
No, not everyone here is going to read your story and be happy for you or agree that cheating is a wake up call.... Whatever, we all see things from our own perspectives.
(that disclaimer out of the way...)
My issue is the fact that you and your husband never really communicated. I think communication is the most important part of a relationship, if you can't tell your partner what you need or want, then I think you need to take responsibility for not getting what you need and want.
My other issue is that you are using his mental cheating as a justification on your physical cheating. IMO, both cheatings are bad, but the real issue here is that you didn't have the guts to communicate with your husband in the first place.
We are all responsible for our own happiness.
