Is it possible to still get on with an ex?

My mother used to have a saying, "You can't have everything in everybody". Over time, people change. What was once very attractive to a person at one time, may become obnoxious later.

That does not mean that a person can't see some good in their "exs" after the relationship has dissolved. After all, there was a reason that two people are attracted to one another in the first place. Often, especially in younger couples, one or another, or even both parties to the couple mature and grow in different directions, rendering the "couplehood" untenable.

That does not mean that a person cannot still find an "ex" attractive, and even likeable, even though he/she might not want to resume the relationship.

I think its very rare for two people to remain good friends after an intimate relationship rdissolves. I can only think of one couple I believe that did it.

I became very good friends with a person with whom I had an affair. I suppose my case may be a little different that most. We parted, not because of some rancor, but simply because it fizzled out. But we still cared for each other very much. He did some things for me for which I will be forever grateful.

When I met my husband, I had told him about this man, and said that he was now my dear friend. He was very uncomfortable with the idea of having a person in our lives with whom I had once been intimate. I respected that, had a long talk with my friend, and we both decided that it would be best if we did not contact each other again.

It is a decision that I have always regretted, but priorities are priorities.

My parents were separated for almost thirty years. They got along fine as long as she lived in her house and he in his, somewhere else. They talked on the phone often, he was invited to all of the family get-togethers and she always made sure to send a plate when he couldn't make it. In turn, he bought her anything she needed or wanted, contributed to her yearly Las Vegas jaunt, it was an interesting, amusing relationship. They never divorced, remained legally married until they died, but they hadn't live together as man and wife since 1974.

Re: Is it possible to still get on with an ex?


Yes.

If you were friends to begin with. At least that's my experience. I liked them for a reason - fell in love at some point. Just because the romantic love ended didn't mean they weren't still nice, good people.

I think it's possible. And, when there are children involved, it's downright necessary to at least be civil and not downgrading the other person.

And I like ehBeth's response. After all, you saw something in that person at some time in the past. Unless it was strictly their looks and a roll in the hay, there should be some points of commonality. This does not mean that current lover or spouse would not be jealous or concerned, but I think that out and out hating of an ex speaks of lingering feelings, not only about them but also about your own judgment.

Re: Is it possible to still get on with an ex?


I have a couple of ex-boyfriends, well, three to be exact, that I could never be chummy with and I did rebuke their attempts at friendship after we were done. I could be courteous with them, friendly even on the surface, but we could never be chat-on-the-phone, let bygones be bygones-type buddies. They turned out to be skunks in the end and they broke my heart.

Now, I don't carry any lingering anything for these guys. I just walked away from those relationships disappointed in them as human beings.

I have been friends with most of my exes. One or two I will never be able to be friends with. Most I've lost contact with eventually. One I still talk to regularly (he'd come visit and sleep in my bed with me - totally platonic). I'd like to be back in touch with three or four others, just to see how they're doing.

I, personally, cannot see myself being friends with someone that I don't respect, whether that is a man or a woman. I have near zero respect for my ex-husband. People have said that someday we may be friends but I don't see that happening.

I'm in sync with littleK on this.

I'm fond of several of my exes, and, no, I don't want to rewind the clock. On the other hand, there are a couple of them - interesting --- there are some I don't qualify as ex, re level of respect. Those that got to ex were interesting people I still have regard for.