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Sat 28 Jun, 2003 08:42 am
Classes for men at our local Learning Center for Adults - Sign-up by July 21st. NOTE: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their content, each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants.
TOPIC 1 - HOW TO FILL UP THE ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step, with slide presentation.
TOPIC 2 - THE TOILET PAPER ROLL: DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Round table discussion.
TOPIC 3 - IS IT POSSIBLE TO URINATE USING THE TECHNIQUE OF LIFTING THE SEAT UP AND AVOIDING THE FLOOR/WALLS AND NEARBY BATHTUB?
Group Practice.
TOPIC 4 - FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY HAMPER AND THE FLOOR.
Pictures and explanatory graphics.
TOPIC 5 - THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: CAN THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO THE KITCHEN SINK?
Examples on Video.
TOPIC 6 - LOSS OF IDENTITY: LOSING THE REMOTE OR ALLOWING OTHERS TO USE IT.
Help line support and support groups.
TOPIC 7 - LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING.
Open forum.
TOPIC 8 - HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
Graphics and audio tape.
TOPIC 9 - REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST.
Real life testimonials.
TOPIC 10 - IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation.
TOPIC 11 - LEARNING TO LIVE: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LIVING ALONE OR WITH OTHERS.
Online classes and role playing.
TOPIC 12 - HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION.
Relaxation, exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
TOPIC 13 - CAR KEYS AND OTHER ITEMS:
Practice on developing skills of putting things back where they belong so that they can be easily found.
RECAP - Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued to any survivors.
BUMPERS STICKERS FOR LADIES:
BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IS HERSELF
OH MY GOD, I THINK I'M BECOMING THE MAN I WANTED TO MARRY!
GINGER ROGERS DID EVERYTHING FRED ASTAIRE DID, BUT SHE DID IT BACKWARDS AND IN HIGH HEELS
A WOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG...YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HER IN HOT WATER
I HAVE YET TO HEAR A MAN ASK FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO COMBINE MARRIAGE AND A CAREER
SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME
COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN, SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH
DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN
I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I HAVE A GUN
WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT
OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY, I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME
DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN
ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE
I CAN BE ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS TO BAD PEOPLE
HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?
DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES
And last, but not least:
IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN
ppppffffftttttttttttttttttttttt
Generic bumper sticker:
IF WOMEN ARE MADE OF SUGAR AND SPICE, WHY DO THEY TASTE LIKE ANCHOVIES?
geriatric bumper sticker
WHATS AN ANCHOIVE?
can't spell, never could
ok spell checked it: anchovy
what is it? I think it's a salty something or another. Tasting a bit like the ocean
Yep, it's a fish. Can't stand 'em.
I thought I'd risk it last year, though. I was in Nice, France and really wanted to try an authentic salade Nicoise. (Love those olives.) It came out to the table topped by these hideous, huge, hairy (!) strips of fish. Uh huh, anchovies. I picked the olives out of the salad, but I couldn't even bring myself to eat a one after looking at those awful things. Sheesh...
Us Okies don't take to fish naturally, you know. We're suspicious.
ROFL! Thanks for that Bumblebeeboogie!
Er - anchovies are a thing best eaten as an addition to a dish, after having disincorporated during the cooking. They add a wonderful flavour, but not if they are still in lumps, in my view. Some people love them, though, all hard and "hairy" (I mean the bones) and coruscating salt.
I believe any woman who tasted like an anchovy would have to have wrapped herself in salt and cured for a long time first!
I must confess that, after having learned a dinky-di method for perfect parallel parking from a driving instructor, it dropped from my memory as soon as I had passed the driving test! And that day, the day of the test, is the day I did my last perfect parallel park. It has been downhill from there.
Many a Deb fella has been known to mumble under his breath when alighting from my car - "It's ok. I can walk to the curb from here." (My women friends, most of whom CAN parallel park perfectly, are kinder.)
Sigh.
Anchovies and green olives--the perfect pizza . . . if you put a little salt on it . . .
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