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Tue 26 Dec, 2006 11:47 am
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dogs and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!
I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it . I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her. Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.
I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
I have been asked if I have a cat when I buy both cat food and cat litter.
BBB: I "barked" with laughter
Foolish Questions -- Jackie Washington
Now you've heard of foolish questions
And you no doubt wonder why
The very person that asks them
will expect a sensible reply.
Now I know you've seen this fella
hanging round the place.
He'll watch you take your shaving brush
and lather up your face
And as you give your razor
a preliminary wave
He'll stand right there and ask ya
"Are ya gonna shave?"
Foolish questions...
Your answer is "I hope.
No I aint gonna shave
I just like the taste of soap!
I like to take my shaving brush
and lather up this way."
Well, wasn't that a foolish question?
Well you hear 'em every day.
Then there's the old girl
who'll meet you on your way.
She'll ask you where you're going
And she'll listen while you say
that you're going to the funeral
of poor old brother Ned.
You'll no sooner get the words out of your mouth
then she'll say, "Is Ned dead?"
Foolish questions...
You might as well reply,
"No he thought he'd have the funeral now
and later on he'd die.
Brother Ned was so original
He just liked to have things that way."
Well wasn't that a foolish question?
Well you hear 'em every day.
Now suppose the elevator boy
Forgot to close the door
and you tumble down the elevator shaft
Say 27 floors or more
and when you reach the bottom
And you're lying there inert
The very first person passing by is gonna ask ya
"Are ya hurt?"
Foolish questions...
Your dying breath is "No;
No I thought I'd come down this way
'cause the goddamn elevator's so slow.
I save more bloody time
by coming down this way."
Now wasn't that a foolish question?
Well you'll hear 'em every day
Yes you will.
Dys
dyslexia wrote:Wal-Mart ????
Now you know me better than that! When I first moved to Albuquerque, the only store that would accept my California checks was WalMart. I hated that I had to shop there for even a short time.
I don't know the author of the piece as it was sent to me by a friend.
BBB
Re: Dys
BumbleBeeBoogie wrote:dyslexia wrote:Wal-Mart ????
Now you know me better than that! When I first moved to Albuquerque, the only store that would accept my California checks was WalMart. I hated that I had to shop there for even a short time.
I don't know the author of the piece as it was sent to me by a friend.
BBB
Ah, so you plagiarized the piece without attribution of your source.
Setanta will be along shortly to chastise you, Aunt Bee.
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