How soon can you let someone know how you feel?

I think that's a possibility that you should be prepared for. You can't control his actions. I think telling a guy that you love him too early in a relationship is a kiss of death. My advice...play it cool and let him make the first move...but then again I'm a girl.
I'd like to know what a guy would think you should do.

Take it just one day at a time. Sure, you're geographically separated, but you're still getting to know each other.

Beautiful relationships can't be rushed.

If he's going to travel all that ways to see you the he's obviously well into you but I would agree with the playing it cool tactic. Just enjoy every moment of your time together and try to resist the temptation to expect too much ...yet.

hey, my sister married this guy from Australia, they have two kids, and they had never met until a year before their wedding (when he came over and proposed). this is where it get really strange; they "dated" online,over the phone etc., since she was like, 13! it's insane.
guess this doesn't have much to do with you except that it's best to take things slow with long distance relationships so that if you meet someone else you won't be tied down. pesonally i don't know why people even bother. i think my sister was crazy.

The best thing is to let it play out casually. Do not rush into these things as anxiousness could cause hesitation on his part. A man is always hesitant about these conversation topics because it feels as if he is able to step into a black hole. All the things he enjoys will be restricted because it will be contingent upon the other person's approval. A least that is how I feel as a man when women initiate these forms of conversation topics.

Borealis

One's mind does crazy things when we think we found somebody that looks, smells, and feels like they're the right one to spend the rest of your life with.

In the early stages of an "affair," we tend to overlook things that might later become irritable or not acceptable.

Take your time; get to know one another with all the pimples, scars and wounds. After you've exchanges some pharts (bad parts) together, and all seems well, you might have found the "right one."

Hey all

Thanks for the advice

He came for New Year's and we had a blast. His second day here I got ridiculous stomach problems and was running to the bathroom every five minutes, and he wasn't disgusted by that, and in fact still tells me I'm sexy, so I guess that's a good thing!

Anyway, so we still talk, though I notice his emails aren't as frequent as before we met in person. I guess once you meet you don't have quite as much to "ask about" in the whole getting to know you thing in emails anymore, and he just got promoted at work so he's got alot more responibility and etc, but I wish he'd call more. I'm being such a girl, right?

If I don't hear from him for a few days I tend to freak out and think he doesn't like me anymore, at which point he'll usually throw me a text or an email apologizing and saying he got swamped at work or had to go out of town for work or whatever. And I know at certain time's of the month the magazine he works for is on deadline and he's at work till late....but I still get paranoid. I guess being a silly girl.

So now I am going over to London again in three weeks, and this will be our third week that we spend together. I still dont know what to say to him, even though I am dying to know where he thinks this has the potential to go, if anywhere. I wish I knew if he was seeing any other girls, which I don't think he is, and I want to know and at the same time would be upset if I found out he was, so I guess I shouldn't ask....

Argh, why can't guys just be upfront! If he was here in NY I wouldn't care and could take it slow and easy because I'd be seeing him more often and we'd be dating on a more normal level, but when someone is in another country.....even two days without an email or a call drives you paranoid!

*sigh* So I guess the consensus here is that I should stay away from asking any "so where do you see this going" questions?

I am in the midst of making a big decision about my future right now: to go to London for an MBA, which means I would be closer to him, and only take two years to get a degree, or to stay in America and pursue medicine, which will take me another 7 years at least, and eat up most of my daylight hours. I love healthcare and sometimes feel like I wouldnt be happy if I gave up that dream of being a doctor, but am I being stupid to think that Im also possibly giving up on a normal life with someone I've really clicked with by not going over there for a couple of years?

Wow, I've just started a whole new topic here....apologies....just needed to rant, I've been stressed and don't know what to do with myself.

thanks guys

MissI, If your "dream" is to become a physician, go for it. You already know how much of a sacrifice to social intercourse is required for the next seven years plus, because of time required in internship.

Out of four nephews and nieces in the medical field, only one is now married, and they're now in their late thirties.

From where I sit, I think you need to pursue your goal to become a physician. It's something you would regret for the rest of your life if you didn't, and the other can happen if it's in your karma.

Good luck.

Well, if you are going to persue this relationship, long distance or not, that has got to stop. It will poison anything you do have. Paranoia breeds distrust and distrust destroys even what is honest and true. You have to trust him or it's never going to work.



I think if you are each flying across an ocean to see one another, asking if the relationship has a future is not out of the question. I mean, you don't have to demand a marriage proposal or force him to decide if he wants to father your children or anything. A simple "where is this going?" would work. If you don't, you might spend the next however long thinking something is growing when really it isn't...or you might waste that time believe nothing is there when it is.




Deciding youir personal future based on someone else is almost never a good idea. Especially when you aren't even sure where that other person is in terms of the relationship. Asking him to provide answers for you regarding the relationship so you can mek this decision will most definitely scare him away. Who wants that responsibility?

If this is a guy you can marry and spend the rest of your life with, it will work. If not, it won't. Plain and simple. If you don't pursue what you want to do, and this relationship doesn't work, what will you be left with? A dream of what you could have been and nothing to show for it.

If you "clicked" with someone at a coffee house, would you drop your life to move to their neighborhood and invest your entire life into making it work?

Don't drop your life for the prospect of a relationship. Make your decision and then go from there. If it's meant to be, things will fall into place.

My girlfriend dropped the bomb on me!
It was years ago and we had only been going out for a year or so.

But one day she told me she was taking steps to study medicine in
Kansas City, MO. We were in St. Louis at the time and that's only
a distance of 4.5 hours. But we both just knew that it would be the
end of our relationship, even though I thought we had something special going there!

But in reality, that's what she really wanted to do with her life,
and we knew the time and effort she would have to put into it, so
we just let each other go. I was sad for a while, but it was for the best.

We lost touch, but I bet she's happy doing what she's doing!

i dont think its ever too soon. i waited too long to tell my boyfriend how i feel and now were broken up and he stil doesnt know. it really sucks. ive got a new boyfriend and everything but i still am in love (at least i think so) with the other guy and he has a girlfriend. so dont wait for whatever it is.

Go after your dream of being a doctor. It is far too early to base decisions around this guy, especially when say so honestly that you would resent giving up your dream!

If it meant to be with this guy- it will be- its cliche but true. As things develop you will find ways of making it work.

I travelled 3500 km to try and revive a relationship that I thought was "the one". It would seem that time changes people, myself included. It wasn't the same.

Advice is, don't hang onto the past. Look forward, and ditch your emotional baggage at the first opportunity.

strawberry is right. most relationships that you get involved in don't end in marriage. that means they end in breakup and that is frequently unpleasant. if you give up your personal goals to run away with this guy, when it eventually comes around to breakup, you are going to feel like ****. you're going to feel like you're nowhere in life and you'll regret it all.

it's also better that you don't tell him exactly how you feel. it's ok to let him know how excited you are to see him, but it is probably better to not tell him that you love him. it may be that you more love the version of him that is in your memory since you only get glimpses of the real man. but once you say it, you'll convince yourself it is true in no time. it also changes things, and as borealis pointed out, it can put the man in an awkward situation.

I love it how people come onto A2K and ask questions that are basically unanswerable about a personal situation, and have two dozen people go ahead and give them answers anyway. If people know each other as intimate friends, giving advice about affairs of the heart is still a fool's errand. So much more so for complete strangers. It's hilarious.

I basically agree, snood, however, complete strangers can sometimes give the most objective advice, as they are not emotionally involved and don't know the parties in question.