my friends are divorcing.

Here's an update...HELP...My daughter friends mom,I'll call her L, just called. Her and the soon to be ex had a big fight over the weekend and she ended up spending 4 days in jail for assault. She was living in her moms basement with her 2 daughters from a prev. marriage. Moms an alcoholic, they argued tonight and the mom called L a terrible mother(this is all I could decipher through the sobs over the bad cell reception) The girls are crying and stressed, it's a school night and she can't possibly stay at her moms. My response"come over, I'll get the spare beds made up. Now I'm scared. What if I come home from work and some of my stuff is pawned off or worse, they end up staying for a long time.

Help Me.

When they get there, tell them you've had second thoughts about the sleeping arrangements since it is the holidays. Perhaps out of town relatives are expected and you need the beds for them.


Offer to drive them to a motel and pay for the first night if they need the financial help and you're able to do so.

If you really feel the need to become intimately involved in their problems, you could always let them spend one night at your place, take the next day off and pack away any of your valuables that you're worried about or help them find other sleeping arrangements.

Phew, L is at her moms. Don't know any details but my heart aches for those kids. I love them as if they could be mine. I've got my daughters friend one more night. She's in better spirits and doing homework.
Hope this is where the drama ends.

Marty--

Other people's crises are times when you will wish you had another sane and sensible adult to discuss the situation with.

I'm not clear why you were worried that your friends--or the parent of your daughter's friend--would take advantage of your hospitality. Was this a real worry or were you just feeling momentarily fragile?

Giving one child sanctuary should be a major contribution in helping "L" find her balance. Remember, you didn't cause the problems here and your help should be limited to what you can do without straining your own emotional reserves.

Single parents have fewer emotional reserves than some other people have. Don't feel guilty that you're not doing everything. Be glad that you can help a bit.

Hold your dominion.

I think I was feeling momentarily fragile.....Like I mentioned, L and I haven't been very close in the past year,I think mainly because she is in a circle of friends with my ex. She has said things to me in the recent past to make me feel that she is not a good friend or someone physcologically healthy to be around. She has made little digs to remind me how happy my ex is with the women he cheated on me with. She is about 5'5" and about 90lbs. She appears to have major sinus problems and smokes non-stop. My gut tells me that she's drinking and possibly doing drugs. She has no financial means, she is collecting disability and now her husband has totally abandoned her.
Honestly it's mainly the girls innocently getting caught up in all of their parents issues that pulls at my heart. I wanted them to feel safe in my home. But truthfully if L would have called needing a place for just herself I don't think I could have turned her down, despite how she has treated me over the past year.

Marty--

As long as you're kind because you want to be kind and not because you're too namby-pamby to say, "No."