opinions

If you can rewrite it and run your post through spell check, I would greatly appreciate it. It's difficult to read as is. c.i.

She sent you the signal, but she probably just wanted you to feel comfortable. She probably did not mean the signal the way you thought she did.

Keep away from her.

Next time, with another woman, stop after you give your number to her. Let her call you and ask you for coffee or conversation.

Sorry. These misunderstandings happen to the best of people.

When you saw her at the store, a polite nod of your head, with no conversation, would have been best.

She knew you were interested. If she had been interested, she could have approached you.

The ball was in her court, so to speak, not yours.

Welcome to able2know!

Apparently I did not do an adequate job of trying to edit and clarify Georgio's post to make it easier for readers to comprehend. I've deleted my interpretation and will let his stand on its own.

Georgio, you may wish to do some editing of your post and include paragraph breaks and formatting with punctuation. A wall of text is very difficult for your readers to understand. To refer to the woman, it is spelled h-e-r not here. They are words of entirely different meanings.

As to my opinion of the situation, I still believe you had a crush on her and she was just trying to politely discourage you. As soon as she yelled "Leave me alone!" in the middle of the store, that should of been a red flag signal to you. Since you missed that, her repeatedly telling you that she was married should of been the second sign of disinterest.

Why would you continue to pursue a woman who yells "Leave me alone!" and tells you she is married?

dupre..
She sent you the signal, but she probably just wanted you to feel comfortable????
comfortable, concerning what ???

I would have not approached her, if there were no strong signals, to tell you the truth, i did not want to come even close to her, because its a working place, but upon the signals, i approached her, and i kept that because when i spoked to her she was really interesting.

you are right no approach after giving her my the phone number, at that moment I should'v asked her for her phone number, to know her level of interest, but i was seeing her every day at work so I though no need to ask her for ph.no, I know she didn't have a boyfriend at that time (source).
there was no need to pay her a visit at her office, you think it was right thing to do?? .

thank you for correcting, but you changed some things which turned the meaning up side down .

it sounds like he had a crush on her and followed her around like a puppy and she viewed it as him stalking her.
I didn't follow her like you described,
I did not stalked to her.

Although the last paragraph confuses the heck out of me and I'm not sure exactly what it is he was trying to say there.
why she lie to her friend, ask your self this ????


please choose your words.

georgio, I was afraid to offend you, because I know I would have misunderstood your post as evidently Butrfly did. That's the only reason I wanted to get clarity in your meaning before I responded. It seems, however, that dupre did a pretty good job of answering your question. c.i.

Comfortable?

Some woman come across as being flirtatious, when they are really trying to be friendly.

When enough men misinterpret her signal, she will change her manner.

She probably often receives phone numbers from available men, but when she does not call them, the matter is closed.

She collects the numbers and can still feel attractive and wanted without stepping out of her marraige.

She is either a nut or is extremely naive.

Stay away from her and you will be better off.

Dear dupre..

I did stay away from her, but it was too late, because georgio known now as the one who followed that lady, its OK, for me it's an experience none a less, we are learning from our mistakes, although am not the student in the first class.

I would like to know just one thing, do I have the right to play with other peoples feelings just to show my self that I'm still attractive?

dupre, The way you analyzed my post was the most exact one of all what I read.

no matter how old you are you still need to learn more.

Dear Butrflynet

Ones I traveled to EU for some work to do, there I met a woman about 34 years old.

She started the process of what we all know (smiling, winking, .…), even ones she took the door handle from my hand, opened it, stared at me & then she left away in front of my colleges.

so I pay a visit to here section, fortunately she was alone in here office, I introduced my self as Georgio, she replied introducing her self by handshaking, I took her hand and wanted to kiss her, she gave that look but she kept her hand, then withdarw it slowly,so I stooped, then blab bla bla…!. Ok next day saw her at lunch time, wanted to talk to here, she replied, what do u want from me (smiling)?

The next day I saw her at lunch time, geo said hello, she replied, what do u want from me? Geo said, nothing, just seeing u is something very nice, & she walked away??? .

we had coffee break so we met again, geo said hi, how are you, she replied, how can I help you?
geo said concerning what? With a smile she went away.

I started not to like this, so to clear things I went to her office, I invited her (in front of here colleges) to private conversation, saying that I have no bad intentions for her (it was really), we talked a little, then she had to go to work.

The Next day I gave her my phone number, geo said feel free to call me at any time, but she did not call, but she kept smiling, winking, at work.

I saw her outside the work place in some market, so geo said hello how are , can I walk with you, she replied ok, she bought some things, during this she mentioned that she is a married woman (there was no ring), geo said how nice, and ask her to tell him go away, she did not say nothing, after a while she said you are a college at work, geo said no I'm not, please tell me go away, So near the accountant she screamed leave me alone (geo asked here to tell him this but not in this way, she is not a well mannered person), I was very embarrassed.

The next week, geo though of giving her a flower to break the freeze, so he did , he gave the flower, she replied I don't take presents, geo said this is not a present, it's a symbol of something very nice, and I apologized for that day in the market, but she kept the silence, and stood near him like a school girl who is waiting for the candy, geo got a little angry (of the behavior), & said although I'm sorry for that day at the market , but I'm happy also, because of me everybody in the city heard ur voice, wow wow wow , she got crazy and said I wont take it ( she would've taken it if I did not say this).

Next week geo saw her at lunch time, she smiled so he went to her office and invited her to a cup of coffee, she replied I have a husband, geo said am very happy for you, cause you have a husband, you know way, she said no, geo said cause you are a diamond but I hope he is not treating you as a glass, she became red, did not know what to say, & there was period of silenceeeeeee. And after thinking so much she said, everybody has a dream, I have a dream to go to mars, geo said I'll pay to NASA to arrange for you it's not a problem. She said Your acquaintance, geo said in meaning of what, and at this moment we end our meeting because we have to go home.

After a while geo met her girl friend and she told him that she told her, that geo followed her to the market and embarrassed her there, but in fact I met her there by chance (I embarrassed her, unbelievable), & that without sex she will forget you(she wanted to know if we hade sex)This is one of the things that her friend told me, and it was lie.

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There was no need to scream at me in the market, I asked her very gently tell me go away (twice) , please, I'll vanish, she replied you are a college at work, why why why, am not her college at work I was there for a limited period of time.

I was standing ones with a nice girl in the Corridor laughing, she kept walking between us for over 5 times, going to the right & waitting, then going to the left & waitting, we were the 3 of us only, even the girl who is standing with me noticed that there is something and asked me do you know this woman?.

Some times women, will tell you that they have someone, but they dont, cause they want you to know that they are attr. and you have to run run run to get them on your track.

please dont make any quick judgments, read, analyze.

thank you .

Sorry, Georgio, I won't just tell you what you want to hear. I thought the purpose of you posting the story was to get different opinions about the situation to help you understand what went wrong.

I spent close to an hour reading, analyzing and editing what you originally wrote so people could better comprehend it. I don't think I made any quick judgements. You just don't like hearing that you may have had some fault in the matter too.

In my country, it doesn't matter what the woman is doing or wearing or how she is acting...when she says "no" it means no. There are quite a few men in our prisons who chose to ignore the "no".

In your story you say she rudely yelled in the market "leave me alone!" when you continued to follow her after she told you she was a married woman. She did exactly what you kept asking her to do. She told you to leave her alone. You just didn't like the way she said it. I think she was very smart doing it that way. She waited until she was near a group of people for protection rather then trying to confront you alone in an aisle.

Ignoring her "leave me alone" and declaration of being married, you tried to apologize by offering her the gift of the flower. Your sarcasm about her screaming like an MTV song upset her and you say she got crazy and declined the flower.

Still, you ignored all that transpired before and you again went to her office and asked her out for coffee. She again told you she was married.

Exactly what part of "I'm not interested" did you not understand her saying to you? Why would you continue to pursue a woman who says she is married?

What else did she need to say to you to make you understand she wasn't interested and was just being polite because she thought you were a co-worker at her job? If you weren't a co-worker, why did you continually go to her place of employment?

I'm sorry, I'm not going to just tell you she's a tease and it is all her fault and have sympathy for the way she mistreated you. There is something here for you to learn from and I really hope you take the time to analyze the situation again.

Yes, sometimes people give off mixed signals and it can be frustrating trying to figure out what is really going on. At times like those, my advice would be to take it slow, make your interest known and then leave it at that for her to respond if she chooses to do so. In this case, you did make your interest known several times and each time, according to you, she responded in a courteous but negative way.


I wish you the best of luck with the next one. Let go of this one.

Georgio --

Although I am a 38-year-old single man and have had some very
nice girlfriends, I still don't know very much about women!
I am like many men, very puzzled about women really want, what to
do, and the proper ways to find women who are interested in me.

So I have to think for myself, about what is right. And keep
trying, in small ways, with many different women.

I think every woman is different and likes different things,
so I just need to find the right one. I have three thoughts for you:



1) A SMILE MEANS NOTHING

I knew a woman in college who liked to go to bars and dance clubs
on the weekends, with four other women, just to have a good time.
They would put on makeup, and wear very short leather skirts,
and make themselves look very sexual. They liked to attract men.

But they never wanted love, sex, marriage, or even boyfriends!
They just liked to go out and see how many men they could
attract. That was all!

Men would ask them to dance, and would buy them free drinks and
food and give them flowers. The women would smile at the men and
wink, and show off their legs to get even more men interested.
They would giggle and talk in provocative ways, and try to
collect as many phone numbers as they possibly could.

It was never serious. They never intended to call the men. It was
just a little competition to see which woman could be most
attractive. It was fun just to be attractive.

Not all women are like this but a few are. Some women spend so
much time trying to be attractive, that they do it everywhere
they go, like a hobby, no matter who is around. It is nothing.
To be fair, you could do this too. You could dress sharply, be handsome
and attractive, say cute flirting things and make women swoon for you.

But the reason I say this is that just because a woman smiles and
looks nice, it doesn't prove anything about her. She may
actually dislike you and want to avoid you!! Even though she smiles.

If she wanted you to chase her, she would give you a LOT more than
a smile! She would spend a lot of time trying to be in front
of you, trying to get your attention, and make you chase her.
There would be no doubt.

A smile is just a way of being polite. It means nothing.



2) YOU HAVE MANY CHOICES

Men spend a lot of time chasing women. They have to chase
many different women before they can find one that is right.

Women spend a lot of time trying to attract men. They have to
attract many men before they can find one that is right.

But when one person decides they MUST BE with a particular one,
and they try very, very hard -- then there is trouble!
You should not have to try very hard. That's just not right.

If a woman likes you, she will call you. If a woman likes you, she
will accept your flowers. If a woman likes you, she will let you
kiss her hand. If a women likes you, she will not yell at you.
She will come to you at work. She will thank you many times, for
different things. She will make up reasons to be with you.
If a women likes you, she will come close to you, close enough
for you to kiss her without having to try very hard at all.

This woman does none of those things. Not one.

I'm afraid she is only smiling to be polite. At work, she may
turn red because she doesn't know how to make you leave!
She even disrupts your conversation in the hallway with another
woman, perhaps to prevent any such flirting from happening in
the workplace. At work it's better to just work, and don't
chase any women at all!

Chasing women at work is NEVER a good idea! It's unprofessional
and inappropriate, because the usual complications get in the way of
working. Socializing should be done far away from work.

So I am sorry. Don't apologize to her anymore. Don't say anything
at all. Just disappear and have nothing to do with her anymore.
Stay out of her way.



3) MOVE ON

The good news is that you are free to chase many women, and
there are many other women all over town. You may have to
introduce yourself to twenty women before you find the right one!
If so, then the quicker you let 19 women go, the sooner you
will find #20.

Think about that. Let women go. You must be very good at
letting the bad ones go, so you can find the good ones quickly.

Don't let that bother you. Don't be upset. Don't worry about it.
Just move on to find someone else, and you will have much
better things to look forward to, with less trouble and less pain
along the way.


I'm glad that you think about it so much, because that is the
best way to learn! I wish you good luck!

Butrflynet ...

Sorry, Georgio, I won't just tell you what you want to hear. I thought the purpose of you posting the story was to get different opinions about the situation to help you understand what went wrong.

G: No need to be sorry, & no need to tell me what I want to hear, you are right the purpose of me posting the story was to get different opinions about the situation, to help me understand what went wrong.
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I spent close to an hour reading, analyzing and editing what you originally wrote so people could better comprehend it. I don't think I made any quick judgments. You just don't like hearing that you may have had some fault in the matter too.

G: Thank u for spending an hour reading, analyzing…, Look nobody like frustration, but life is not easy, & I do accept this.
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In my country, it doesn't matter what the woman is doing or wearing or how she is acting...when she says "no" it means no. There are quite a few men in our prisons who chose to ignore the "no".

G: With all respect to your country, don't take it so personally, the lady subject of the story is not one of your country's babys(I mean not the same mentality), in our world we have different cultures, mentalities, different ways of thinking, & different point of views .
Prisons, wow, this is a big word for me?????
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In your story you say she rudely yelled in the market "leave me alone!" when you continued to follow her after she told you she was a married woman. She did exactly what you kept asking her to do. She told you to leave her alone. You just didn't like the way she said it. I think she was very smart doing it that way. She waited until she was near a group of people for protection rather then trying to confront you alone in an aisle.

G: It was quite rude, unacceptable for me, what she did in the market, I still say that I've never followed her, & yes I did not like the way she said it, cause I asked her gently, & logically she should reply in same manner, & not violently, violence is not the way of reaching solutions (if you agree with me), don't tell me that she was forced to do this, ever.
(She waited until she was near a group of people for protection rather then trying to confront you alone in an aisle), what protection, from me, sorry to tell you that we are not living here in a jungle, educated & well mannered people don't do this things if they were really so.
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Ignoring her "leave me alone" and declaration of being married, you tried to apologize by offering her the gift of the flower. Your sarcasm about her screaming like an MTV song upset her and you say she got crazy and declined the flower.

G: The reason that I came back to give her the flower was to apologize(that's me), & to keep the sky clear, no harm feelings, & look what she'd done, she could'v took the flower, & said what she have to say, in a nice way. no lady ever rejected my flower, usually they take the flower and say what they really want, if they dont want to, so they say no,that is the manner that I expected and knew from ladys.
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Still, you ignored all that transpired before and you again went to her office and asked her out for coffee. She again told you she was married.

G: OK, then I stopped.
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Exactly what part of "I'm not interested" did you not understand her saying to you? Why would you continue to pursue a woman who says she is married?
What else did she need to say to you to make you understand she wasn't interested and was just being polite because she thought you were a co-worker at her job? If you weren't a co-worker, why did you continually go to her place of employment?

G: Why I should understand the words (I have a husband), while she did not understood my words (please tell me go away, please) what else I should've said.
she don't even know the meaning of politeness.
I'm also a man, who don't like to make shows, so that people know who is running after my ??
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I'm sorry, I'm not going to just tell you she's a tease and it is all her fault and have sympathy for the way she mistreated you. There is something here for you to learn from and I really hope you take the time to analyze the situation again.

G: Yes I learned, from all this, but she also made a mistakes, she could not express what she wants really in english.
what can I do, she has the gun.
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Yes, sometimes people give off mixed signals and it can be frustrating trying to figure out what is really going on. At times like those, my advice would be to take it slow, make your interest known and then leave it at that for her to respond if she chooses to do so. In this case, you did make your interest known several times and each time, according to you, she responded in a courteous but negative way.

G: This is what I used to do, but sometimes our processors get failed, & and give us System Errors
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I wish you the best of luck with the next one. Let go of this one.

G: I did let it go, Thank you

I understand your confusion, your frustration, and your wanting to smooth over an awkward situation with a flower.

It's unfortunate that when someone behaves in a way that is confusing, you often cannot get them to explain their behavior to you or even accept responsibility for the misunderstanding.

They don't know they are behaving unusually or they wouldn't do it. They certainly cannot tell you why they are behaving unusually.

Next time you are confused about someone, I suggest you ask someone else for their opinion, instead of approaching the person you don't understand.

Butrfly was right in saying, if I may paraphrase, that you overstepped. I think you did it to try to understand, specifically, what went wrong in the communications with her. She couldn't tell you specifically. Few people will say, "Hey I sent you a friendly smile and a wink, and you misunderstood that. I don't know why I did that. I'm sorry. Go away. You are making me nervous."

That's just not going to happen very often.

CodeBorg offers some excellent advice. The quicker you can move on from the "confusing" ones, the quicker you will find the "right" ones.

It's a numbers game, for women as well.

You asked if you were free to toy with other people's emotions. Of course you are. But you won't find happiness that way.

Try to keep your sense of humor. People are very funny! Don't take these misunderstandings so hard on yourself or on the other person.

May I suggest you come up with some sophisticated sentence for the next time signals go astray. And they will. They often do!

How about, as soon as you realize you are oversteppping with a woman, you say something like, "I'm so sorry. I must have misunderstood . . . something."

And then just smile at her as you would a small child you are indulging with kindness and patience. And walk away.

That line should cover a number of awkward situations without any additional hooplah. And you come off looking quite sophisticated and kind.

I understand your confusion, your frustration, and your wanting to smooth over an awkward situation with a flower.

You are right.
Thank you for understanding.
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It's unfortunate that when someone behaves in a way that is confusing, you often cannot get them to explain their behavior to you or even accept responsibility for the misunderstanding.

I learned this from my story with this lady.

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They don't know they are behaving unusually or they wouldn't do it. They certainly cannot tell you why they are behaving unusually.

Yes i'v noticed this.

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Next time you are confused about someone, I suggest you ask someone else for their opinion, instead of approaching the person you don't understand.
Butrfly was right in saying, if I may paraphrase, that you overstepped. I think you did it to try to understand, specifically, what went wrong in the communications with her. She couldn't tell you specifically. Few people will say, "Hey I sent you a friendly smile and a wink, and you misunderstood that. I don't know why I did that. I'm sorry. Go away. You are making me nervous."

I was confused, & did ask for someone else opinion, after I thought of giving here flower, I told an old lady (that I knew before) the story, & she did support giving the flower, HERE there is something I remembered at this moment:
I talked to this confused lady on Monday first time, & at the end of the same week, I invited her to go out, she did not say neither YES neither NO, also she did not mentioned anything about her husband or boyfriend, & thats why the old lady supported giving the flower, she thought (the old lady) that I did not give much care to the confused lady, so the confused lady said that she have a husband, but not sure, we should try the flower.

Deep inside of me I did want to know some answers, what went wrong in the communications with her, did I made some thing wrong, why she did not tell from the first time that she have a husband.

Dupre you are a good analyzer.

This lady had a very sad eyes, a very sad voice, sometimes I feel sorry for her.
I really wanted to know here as person, her life, her weekends, nothing more & nothing less, although she yelled at me, but I was glad that in a very short period of time, I saw all her faces, colors, feelings, she looked very beautiful in the angry situation,wow.



Thakns to all who posted there opinions.