Cheating

What's worse? IF you kiss and tell!

Depends. Some people can forgive sex, some can't. Others are more hurt by emotional infidelity than physical.

I would say having sex is worse because you might end up giving your spouse crabs.

It takes one to know one!

I don't believe that you can't help who you fall in love with.

If you're married and feel the stirrings of stronger than appropriate emotions, you certainly have some say so in the matter.

This is when you remind yourself of your vows. If you take them so lightly you should not have made them.

For those who say "it's not as simple as that", well, yes it is. Hard and simple are two different things.

and that's all I have to say about that.

I can see that I might have a hard time messin around with Chai.

Me neither. You go girl!

Awesome post Chai.

I disagree.

The actual physical chemistry isn't avoidable. There are whacks of studies on this.

What you decide to do about the chemistry is a different matter.

Having once skated dangerously close to falling in love with a married man . . . and experiencing a mutual avoidance of same . . . I would say that avoiding sex while loving and admiring the other is not cheating.

I take that back, I had two relationships in succession with married men that were wonderful and helped both the men and me. Neither included sex and I am glad.

Physical chemistry is not love.

The goofy 'falling-in-love' thing is chemistry.

So there.

Heh... I thought endorphins caused "chemistry".

The high from the chemistry is great. The thing is
that you have to start there and set grounds rules to
make it work.

Interestingly, twice in the past few months, an old
flame of mine popped into my mind with things he said.
He was married in a way, but, his wife had left him.
Really left. She took off for London with another
man. I met him a few days after he came home from
work to discover she had vanished. We spent the next
four weeks together . . . about the same time as her
London sojourn, which I think was an expense paid
vacation.

The strange thing is that one of his remarks held the
key to the reason why my former husband and I failed
and why the man who followed in his wake failed with
me.

This man was watching the Ed Sullivan Show (I told you
he was an old flame) when The Doors appeared. He was
disappointed. "They don't know how to break for a
soloist," is how he described the show.

My former husband hadn't a clue about how to break for
a soloist. It was all him or nothing.

I came to remember that remark during a phone
conversation with my ex-boyfriend, a week or so ago,
about five years after I ended the relationship. I
really want to move and so houses are on my mind. It
has to be a house, not a condo. It has to have more
than one storey, not a ranch. It has to have a dining
room, not an eat-in kitchen. He kept arguing with me
that his family mainly ate in the dining room and that
he has lived on one floor (in an apartment because he
chooses not to work full-time and can not afford a
house) and that an apartment was just a condo and he's
been perfectly happy in an apt/condo. Well, fine.
That's him, not me. Too many people want their mates
to be them, but with the opposite sex organs.

As we talked, it occurred to me that this guy doesn't
know how to break for someone else's solo either.

Maybe, an outside interest is the chance to solo.
When I think about the two men -- both met during the
time I was gathering the strength to leave my husband,
and one was also running out of compromises with a
wife who wouldn't let him solo -- they were people who
came into my life with warmth, intelligence and the
opportunity to let me be me. Still, I'm glad we
didn't spoil the whole thing with sex.

Not to mention other unmentionables...










Crabs would be hard to explain, though...

Sometimes I think compromise is the hardest part of any relationship for some people. To go from independence to sharing your life with someone is a difficult transition. As well as going from dependance on others to trying to be independent. Especially when talking about someone who never made the adjustment in the first place. (As was the case with my soon to be ex-husband)

I think eventually "chemistry" fails and there's got to be more there to hold it together. Something of substance, as you said plaino, allowing the other person to be themselves and accepting their imperfections with their perfections. I think in order to do that though we have to be willing to accept our own imperfections first.

I am glad you had the opportunity to share that with those men. It is a good experience to have.

I recall the time I spent an evening with a whore in Thailand and the next morning as I pulled the covers up to my chin to fight off the morning chill I felt something stirring down below. It wasn't the normal morning stirring, I am quite familiar with that sensation, but rather a rustling movement, the sensation that thousands of tiny feet were racing across my groin area. With a bit of hesitation I lifted the blanket and took a peek...




I suppose I should have been upset, but I figured I was the one who visited the whore, she didn't come looking for me, so I headed out to purchase some kerosene and take care of the problem.

I sincerely hope, Gus, that you didn't fry yourself to a crisp.

By the way, you're quite a story-teller. I particularly liked this bit: " It wasn't the normal morning stirring, I am quite familiar with that sensation..."

how much did that whore cost for the entire night?