I want to make his ex jealous... after 2 years

I agree. It sounds like you need to prove something to yourself, not her. It is a shame you feel you have to do it at her expense. She's gotten past it and has let go. She accepts that you are now in his life. Isn't it time you did the same?

If you feel insecure about the longevity of your relationship, have a conversation with him, not her. "Making her jealous" is just petty and very immature. You sound like a woman who does not need to stoop to such tactics. Have a heart to heart with your mate.

By the way, welcome to A2K. Pull up a chair and get comfy.

I'm with B'Net. Working to make the ex jealous, particularly after such a long period of time and after she's clearly gotten over the whole thing, speaks more volumes about you and your insecurities about the relationship than anything else ever could.

Why do you feel you need to do this? Do you believe your relationship is on shaky ground? Why are you fixating on this one ex? Are you perhaps concerned about your boyfriend being around all sorts of other women?

You recognize that this is "messed up" and that's a good sign. It'll be far more productive to talk to him, and also to look inside yourself. There is something else here that you're not mentioning.

Welcome to Able2Know.

I'm with Butrflynet and Jespah in thinking that you should take a good hard look at your relationship.

The late Princess Diana won a great deal of sympathy by publically announcing that three people in a bed made for an unhappy marriage.

Your partner's former beloved is now a piece of the past--and for some reason you want to make her part of the present. Why? Could it be that without competition your love relationship seems a bit flat and dull and that you want a little excitement to jazz it up?

Wanting the Former Beloved to see your happiness and writhe in agony with jealous hissy fits is a form of voyeurism. You think your romance would be more satisfactory if someone else were watching.

Perhaps your relationship needs work. Perhaps you need some outside interests apart from your relationship to spice up your life. Perhaps both.
Put your energy and thoughts into your present relationship rather than a outworn bit of the past.

Good luck.

Catmyster
I agree with the others. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Just be happy

Welcome to A2K ;-)

Hi,
I have been going out with my boyfriend for just over 2 years. 2 years is a long time and we get on brill together. the fact that his ex is still hanging around all the time still gets to me and makes me feel so jealous.!
she is still in constant contact with his matesand is always there when when we go out etc..
it really gets to me and I feel angry towards my boyfrien even though its not his fault.!
its just not nice to have her there, why can't she just make new friends and move on.!!
I'm finding it very hard to be strong and not care if he is out with his mates and her.

anybody in the same situation.? any advice for me.?

Just keep 2 things in mind: He is with you, and she is the problem, not your relationship.

evaughan, this gal lost her boyfriend, and now you're suggesting that she lose her friends? Isn't that a lot to ask of someone?

Yes, she needs other interests, but if the guy is with you and the relationship is secure, let it go. As they say, living well is the best revenge, and I think loving well goes along with that. The best thing you can do is have a good relationship and forget about her. Just be happy. If it bothers her, she'll leave. If it doesn't bother her, then she's no threat to your relationship.

all really good advice.

It is your own quality of life that suffers from worrying about the ex - just let it go. She's past and you are present and future.

thanks all really sound advice.

although it can be easier said than done.

putting up with the ex hanging around can be easier said then done.!

I hear ya...I had an ex that basically stalked me for a while after we broke up, then started phoning up my brother, and trying to form a friendship with him....it was pretty pathetic. Finally, one day a friend I was hanging out with noticed her hiding around the corner and said "Hey, isn't that that crazy chick you were dating?" I said "Yeah." He walked up to her and tore her a new asshole, basically, and said that not only I, but nobody connected with me ever wanted to see her again. Direct...it did work, I think partly because he was a neutral party, she wasn't listening to me, that's for sure.

Both me and my man remain on good terms with our ex-es. Thus they hang around and it works fine. Though I can't deny I felt awkward and uneasy one or few times, i got used to it and formed my own relationship with them slowly. after all, he picked me, so he must have a good taste -thus they had to be worthy of something also. Same for my ex - he and my man hang sometimes, no biggie. It is doable, just takes some discipline, good will, and a trust in one self.

unfortunatley this ex gets on with my boyfriends mates.!
when she was going out with my now boyfriend he said they had more of a "friendship" based relationship and that his mates were always around when they did most things.!

whereas our relationship is serious and intimate.

even to see them getting along and been friendly or sharing a joke together makes me feel jealous.
one of my friends said I should ask him to choose but I can't because that would be asking him to choose me or his close mates. I wouldn't do that to him.
its a no win situation. the ball is totally in my court. I have to learn to live with it and I love my boyfriend to bits that I really really wanna not let it bother me.!

Argh, don't ask him to choose. That's nearly always a HUGE mistake.

This gal has friends. The friends are, in part, the same friends that you and your boyfriend have. Isn't that logical, particularly seeing as she and your current boyfriend had a friendly dating-type thing going on? Makes sense to me that she'd be around. These are her friends, too. Isn't she entitled to them as much as you are?

Take it easy on the jealousy. If it bugs you that much, hang around with other people, at least part of the time, or do things one on one with your boyfriend. If she wants him back and is just hanging around with his buddies to try to do that, she'll be foiled if you're elsewhere (e. g. what does she want to hang around with the friends for?). But if she really just wants to be with her friends (who also happen to be your friends) - guess what? You can't and shouldn't deny that.

Put yourself in her place for a moment. She's just hanging around with her friends, right? If there is no ulterior motive, then she is allowed to have anyone as her friends. Just like your boyfriend. Just like me. Just like you.

If she is endeavoring to get him back, then, like I said, live well by having a good relationship. And stay away from the circle every now and then, even if it's perhaps once per week.

And, oh yeah, how 'bout talking to your boyfriend? How does he see this? Is she being a friend or is there some ulterior motive?

Many, many relationships do not last. When you're young, boyfriends and girlfriends often come and go, despite your best intentions. But friends last a lot longer - possibly a lifetime. Don't deny this gal that if that's what it really is. I suspect if you were in her shoes, you'd feel the same.

I don't know if there is an ulterior motive to her friendlyness.!!
I do agree with what you said, course she has the right to be friends with her ex and his mates and anyone she wants to be friends with. I wouldn't make my boyfriend choose. I know it wouldn't be right.
I just find it a bit hard to deal with.! any time I have been going out with someone and we break up, even on good terms we don't continue to hand out together. I wouldn't want to.!
I think any girl would find it weird or hard to deal with a boyfriends ex still hanging around with him and his mates. jealousy is a natural feeling although it can be blown out of proportion sometimes and can be more severe in different people.!

jealousy may be natural, but there are levels of it. It is also controllable, but if you focus on it too much, it may get out of your hands and make your life miserable. he chose you over her - why are you still worried? try to relax a bit. i hang out with my man's ex, she is a great woman. with a bit of self confidence i'm sure you can get over it soon.

the ex was actually away for a few months and is back recently. things were sooooooooo good while she was away, just hate the thought of having her around again after shes been away.
I just hate having her hanging around.! I can't stand it.!

now that shes back its not a nice feeling having her around again.!!!