squinney wrote:I have a basket of candy in my office. The children have learned that it is always full. Even the two year olds now know it is there and are anxious for Mom or Dad to need to visit me for some reason or another.
When I see them eyeing the basket, looking from the mound of candy to me and back again, I always tell them it's alright with me, but they have to ask Mom/Dad first.
(Hehe. What parent is gonna say no and have to be the bad guy? That's how I hook 'em in, see. Get 'em with the candy...)
I'm actually torn on this. I'd much prefer that my kids learn that most people are nice and not have to worry them with "boogey men." How sad that from such a young age we have to worry about a stranger cooing at our babies and what that might instill in the minds of our young, especially when the chances of an abduction are rather slim.
Exactly! That is why I explain to my children that most people are nice, but since you cannot tell the difference it is better to not speak or accept anything from some one they do not know. (Or to ask mom or dad first).
I know exactly what you mean, squinney. I struggle with that one a lot.
To me it isn't a question if this particular old lady is a pervert or not...it boils down to taking gifts from stangers, period.
Squinny, you made me laugh. I hated sitting on that fat man's lap, and I think I only did it twice in my life, because I was forced to. I felt distinctly uncomfortable on both occassions and remember thinking "This is just some guy in a costume, I feel so stupid for them making me talk to him and tell him what I want." I can't even go by the fat man today without getting a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I think the whole thing is strange.
Also Squin...when you mentioned the 2 old ladies you took silver dollars from...I can't speak for your parents, but if I phrased it that way that "I don't want you bothering them" I'd really be saying "I don't want you taking things from them because I don't know them well enough, and I'm the adult". As far as hurting their feelings...well, that very sad, but I'd rather hurt 2 old lady's feelings than have my child get the message they can interact with just anyone. That what predetors do to us...they try to get us on their side by acting nice, and when, as an adult you reject their help or overtures, they pretend their feelings are hurt, hoping we'll respond to that.
linkat...I like your approach. You're right, it's not giving "the lecture" once. It's reinforcing it over and over...."It's ok because I'm with you." I note your message isn't "It's ok because they are a nice person and I'm with you....." It's just "I'm with you"...I also like you pointing out who they should go to if they get lost.
Personally, I don't think it's a shame we have to teach our children this. It wasn't said out loud, but there's this feeling of "it's a shame that NOWADAYS we have to do this." I am of the belief that "nowadays" is not any different from any other days since civilization began. Perverts have been trying to lure children behind bushes forever. The difference is that people did not travel from place to place as they do today. In the not so distant past, you lived in a town with a few dozen, maybe hundred or so people, and you had your town pervert (or 2), now not only are there a lot more pervs because there're a lot more people, but they can move hundreds/thousands of miles at will. Back then, you more likely knew who your pervert was.
Today, I have a really good gut, but I didn't when I wanted to stroll down the railroad track...I knew it wasn't right to sit on a fat mans lap, but my gut hadn't developed to the point of such discernment yet.
I guess for me it boils down to "better safe than sorry" of course children have to be socialized, but accepting gifts from strangers is not the way to do it, IMO.
Chai's right the perverts were always there - we just hear about them now. I remember being about 16 and this adult man started pursuing me. My mom had always told me not to speak with strangers, etc., but never told me to tell if some one ever approached me - which I think is also important to do. Anyone I was walking to work on a very well traveled round both walking and driving traffic. This man started following me and then asking me questions. Where are you going, your name, etc. Then he asked if I wanted to go with a drive with in to such and such park. He talked about kissing me and worse. I felt ill. I got into work and didn't tell anyone. This pervert must have lived in the area. One day I went to the corner store. He was just outside. He started by simply saying Hi. I freaked out and yelled at him - I said just leave me alone, get away. All these people turned around and stared at him. After that I saw him, but he never approached me again. To this day, I never told my parents. Too bad, because they could have locked him up.
