Grammar Rules for the Unenlightened

Grammar Rules for the Unenlightened
Or: How to Write Good

* Don't use no double negatives.
* Don't never use no triple negatives.
* No sentence fragments
Corollary: Complete sentences: important.
* Stamp out and eliminate redundancy.
* Avoid cliches like the plague.
* All generalizations are bad.
Corollary: All statements must be specific.
* Never listen to advice.
* Take care that your verb and subject is in agreement.
* A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.
* Anarchy should be the law.
Corollary: I will establish democracy by dictatorial decree.
* Everyone should be a non-conformist.
* People who insult others are jerks.
* Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.
* Death to intolerance.
* Down with categorical imperatives.
* Avoid those run-on sentences that just go on, and on, and on, they never stop, they just keep rambling, and you really wish the person would just shut up, but no, they just keep going, they're worse than the Energizer Bunny, they babble incessantly, and these sentences, they just never stop, they go on forever...if you get my drift...
* Nobody has a right to his opinion.
* Never contradict yourself always.
* Good people like I are never self-righteous.
* You should never use the second person.
* The passive voice should never be used.
* We Scorpios don't believe in astrology.
* When dangling, watch your participles.
* Why no, Ossifer, I'm not under the alcofluence of incohol.
* Never go off on tangents, which are lines that intersect a curve at only one point and were discovered by Euclid, who lived in the sixth century, which was an era dominated by the Goths, who lived in what we now know as Poland...
* Always do what is right, even if it's wrong.
* As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations."
* Excessive use of exclamation points can be disastrous!!!!!
* Remember to end each sentence with a period
* Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
* Don't use question marks inappropriately?
* Don't be terse.
* Don't obfuscate your theses with extraneous verbiage.
* Never use that totally cool, radically groovy out-of-date slang.
* Stop calling me immature or I'll tell on you.
* Avoid tumbling off the cliff of triteness into the black abyss of overused metaphors.
* Keep your ear to the grindstone, your nose to the ground, take the bull by the horns of a dilemma, and stop mixing your metaphors.
* We will fight to the death for our pacifist aims.
* Avoid those abysmally horrible, outrageously repellent exaggerations.
* Avoid any awful anachronistic aggravating antediluvian alliterations.
* Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.