Liars

There is a pattern of lies and sooner or later it becomes evident....

I'm starting to see it.

Are you also seeing...like...pink elephants, or something?

This seems to be a topic that I have some recent experience with.

I was taught to confront liars.

I confronted a friend about a year ago who kept lying to me without conscience and he has not lied to me since.

He has actually become one of my best friends.

I guess the thing is not to let liars get away with it so long that you hold a grudge and eventually this grievance will have to come out.

I am not sure about thieves, should you confront a thief or just chalk it up as a loss and move on?

Hehe

Can you share your experience with us?

I would never label a person as a "liar" but more a person who lies.

Can a lie be justified?

Can a lie serve a greater purpose.

The rational mind can make a lie into the truth.

I think there are different types of lies. There are lies meant to be deceptive and there are lies meant to protect someone.

Many years ago I dated a guy who I caught in many lies. But the weird thing is that they were really dumb lies that had no purpose. I worked with someone about 8 years ago that would take credit for others work, he was a very engaging person, but the longer I knew him the fewer things that he said I believed.
Then there is the deceptive liar. My ex. The person who has something to hide.

Who does not have something to hide mb?

If a lot of people have the same things to hide they weave a web of words which allows them to think no deceptions are taking place.

Otherwise they wouldn't say different things when they are angry to what they say when they are not.

It is possible that your ex only lied to maintain such a facade. Many people have barriers which it is impolite to pull down.

I'll be the first person to admit that I'm not perfect. I just don't feel that I am someone who chooses to lie continuously.

I'm a little unclear on the point you are trying to make about my ex. What facade do you think he could have been maintaining?? He didn't get angry too often and as a matter of fact we rarely fought.

I believe what he was hiding was his disloyalty and infidelity

RexRed,
Do you feel that sometimes the brutal truth hurts less than a series of lies?

Not only does it hurt less it is a healing process. Lies are a form of low-grade, long drawn-out torture.

Agree

There's a BUT in that.

Suppose the party telling the lies perceives, whether rightly or wrongly, that the other party might fall apart with the brutal truth.

Or at the least hasn't got the nerve to risk it.

Telling the lies might signify a commitment to the person being told them.

oooo, spendius,

I understand where you're coming from but disagree with "telling the lies might signify a commitment to the person being told them."

I feel that telling the lie shows that the liar is afraid of losing the person he/she is apparently "committed" to, which shows that their connection in the relationship is inauthentic and undervalued. (whether the relationship is one of friendship/lover/partner).

Lying means that the commitment then becomes nothing more than a convenient, self-serving attachment - for if they were TRULY committed, they would tell the truth to each other.

The truth might hurt the other person and that person may choose to leave the relationship but at least the person who could have told the lie in the first place chose to exercise courage by being truthful. AND whatsmore, was brave enough to accept the consequences of telling the truth...even if those consequences were unpleasant.

For me, I'd rather know the brutal cold hard truth than to be lied to. Even down to "does my butt look big in this?".

I have a friend who - when asked to comment on anything - says "do you want me to be honest, or polite?". I go for honesty every time.

jazzie