They call me Mom, James Mom.

My first thought is.......

why in the hell didnt she tell bio family???

****, she tells them everything else. Hand off gossip like its candy..
THIS shouldnt be left to the way side.

I would do as you thought.. Call HER and ask her. . . whhaaa???

Then, given a reasonable time.. A week? 2?
If they still dont know, call them and place it on her shoulders .. politely though.

Something like " I told her when it was done. She has been working with me to get blah blah done. It was my impression all along, she was keeping you updated. Im sorry she didnt do that, but yes, I did this, and it is now over. "

"So how are you going to split up the holidays?"

"We're not." Period.

Give them all the information they need (which is nothing), and no more.

Not so simple, Mo don't know from legal papers and has some rights as well, this is a far more complicated issue than it seems on first glance.

As a parent, doesnt she have the right to call off the "manditory" ( cough cough ) holiday sharing?

First,


FINALLY!!!!!!!


Finally finally finally you don't have to be all tiptoe-y and accommodating. Finally you can have some control over the process.

I think I know what Dys is getting at, but until Mo is 18 isn't it Boomer's role to decide what is best for him, with his input?

Unfortunately, it would appear that Mo would still have relatives that do not automatically disappear with the adoption.

Wishing you the best of luck in this.

I would think, that now the adoption is final, Boom is NOT required to divide holidays.

The visits can fit in HER families schedule. On HER time and when it is ok for HER son.

Though I do get that they just dont dissappear. There is still a bond there. And it should be acknowledged.. but not on a manditory schedule.. I dont think..

I agree, shewolfn

I suspect bio-mom wanted it to go with no interference - and that seems reasonable to me, reasonable and then sum. They all have rights?
Sigh.

Now, Mo having rights I can understand. I can easily see that for him as an adult. I can see that for him as a teen. Can his five year old self demand this or that re specifics of a vacation?

Going through the adoption of Jordan, my first daughter.

( though.. i had more sanity then Mo's bio mom does, and my family isnt quite as off key as they are...

I knew, when that adoption was final, I no longer had the right to demand seeing her.
My visits were on her familes terms. Period.

Not that I was pushed to the way side, but it was the time for adjustment, and space was needed on both sides. But I think that fell more along the lines of common sense and personal respect then anything else.

Since bio family obviously didnt know ( wich is strange to me) this does present abit of a personal issue, but I think by law, there is no issue...

Well, it's really bio mom's place to do the telling, but assuming that's not happening anytime soon... how about a birth/adoption announcement? Something cute like a picture of Mo riding over your house on a stork with a saying like: "We are proud to announce the permanent arrival of little Mo to our house and hearts". Put your create engergy into it Boomer and I bet it can be joyous and fun without being hurtful.

^ fabulous

My history as a child protection worker sometimes gets in the way re critical thinking however, I still try to see most issues from the point of view of the best interests of the child. I also think boomer is the best thing that ever happended to Mo. I am not being devisive or critical.

ditto the ^ fabulous.

And don't really have any great ideas...but, wanted you to know the first post of this thread had me giggling with joy.

A lil adapted Salt n pepa,

I wanna take a minute or two, and give much respect due
To the mom that's made a difference in Mo's world
Whatta mom,whatta mom, whatta mom,
whatta mighty good mom

You'll pull this off, like always Boomer.

I think you need to call bio-mom and let her know that she needs to let her family know that the adoption's complete.

Let her know that you understand that she wants to be the one to tell them (well, she probably doesn't, but gotta give her the credit in any case), but that you will have to tell them if they continue calling your home.

They may be Mo's bio-family, but he's your son.

Yeah.

I like the announcement idea but not really as a solution to this particular problem. They're already calling, they already want some answers, I think direct is best (with a good-faith attempt to give bio-mom the opportunity to do it if she wants first).

Nodding re ehBeth's post...
understands Dys, not to be presuming.

Personally, I'd forget the announcement. And I don't remember being for it earlier. But, that's me.

Yes. He's my son.

I did send out annoucements but I thought it cruel to send them to his bio famiy. I'm still not really comfortable with that.

I guess I just assumed they knew.

I don't prevent his bios from seeing him. I try to accomodate them. In fact, sometimes I try to initiate contact. (For instance: the twins had their birthday this last weekend and no one called us. I tried to contact bio-mom but no luck. I have no idea how to contact their bio-dad (who they live with).)

But really I don't feel obligated to fill them in on my schedule and my plans. We hardly hear from any of them. Mo hardly knows them. He doesn't think about them or ask about them or consider them at all.

It just seems so weird to be the one to tell them.

I can't get hold of bio-mom. She's moved (I heard today) and her phone number has changed (I learned when I tried to call about the girls). Bio-mom is the only one I really have any kind of personal connection with.

Paternal bio-grandparents see Mo more than anyone else and since we haven't seen bio-dad in more than two years they are well aware (and very happy about) the finialized adoption.