Reply
Mon 16 Oct, 2006 09:59 pm
I have been going along with this lady for over a year. We have been very much in love. She lives next to my room in the same building. Though we are yet to marry, we have been living a life like that of a married life. Though we live in different homes, we spent most of the time together. We slept together every night. And we are planning to get married very soon. While we were in the process of planning for marriage, one incident rocked our otherwise cordial relationship. I had a quarrel with her friend in which I happened to reveal her top secret which was known to my gf and her friend's bf only - she performed an abortion. My gf feels that I condemn and cheated on her and that she could not trust me anymore. She says she cannot forgive me for what I did. She was so wild at the moment that she hit me repeatedly and I happened to slap her on the face. Let me add one more, earlier I slept with another girl. She was so angry at that time, but could forgive me. I think this is less serious issue than the previous one. Now, the problem is she is too angry at me and says she hates me as much as she loved me. How can I regain her love? Can anyone help me??
She forgives you for cheating on her, WOW, I suppose she must have loved you.
Now it is not a matter of whether this incident is more or less serious, it is yet another one where you have disappointed her.
Telling an intimate secret is (in my opinion) next to cheating one of the most terrible things you can do to a friend.
And in your case, what's worse, you don't even seem to realise the seriousness of your offence.
How will she EVER be able to trust you again.
This is probably not what you wanted to hear, but I am not sure, if I would be with my husband today, if he had done these two things to me in the first year of our being together.
Well, that's not true, I am quite sure, that we would not be together anymore.
I think your only chance is telling her, that you understand what you did wrong, that you are sorry, and that it will never happen again.
Maybe when her anger has calmed down a bit, you might get a word or two in.
DO NOT try and tell her that is wasn't all that serious, that she should not be so upset, because IT WAS and SHE SHOULD.
If you cannot trust your partner, who are you supposed to be able to trust???
Bohne,
Thanks alot for your advice. Let me add, she is a very good girl unlike her friend. And we used to talk ill about her, I mean how mean she is.
Regarding my gf, i know for sure that she loves me very much and i fully hope that she will eventually forgive me. as of now she does not want to see me, she says, but responds to my SMSs, though negatively. i really love her, because she is so good to me.
girl aren'T good or bad, sorry, that's not how it works, and thank God for it!
But let me just clarify:
You argue with a friend of your girlfriends and in this argument you tell this friend (of which your girlfriend talks ill) the biggest secret she probably has got?
OK, not surprised at all, that she is angry.
If you still think she loves you, give her some time to calm down.
Your constant SMSs might just keep aggravating the situation.
Then find a calm and quiet location to talk, and tell her all that needs saying.
Woman are smart in general (I think) and if she gets the feeling that you are generally sorry, you might just be lucky enough for her to give you a third chance.
If so, please value what you have and try not to hurt her again!
If she decides against it, I don't think there's a lot you can do about it.
Than you just have to face that you messed this up!
Good Luck!
You and your girl both sound way too immature for such a serious commitment. I mean, you've violated most of the fundamentals right off the bat-- you cheated on her, divulged her confidences and you've physically abused each other. Life shouldn't be an episode of Desperate Housewives. This relationship has WAY too much turmoil and turbidity to last, IMO.
Mawimawi--
You seem to want advice on how to change your girlfriend's behavior when it is your behavior that has put the relationship in danger.
She has asked you to leave her alone. You don't want to do this. You are harassing her and hounding her and she doesn't like it.
You defend the harassing and hounding behavior by saying this shows how much you love her.
Leave her alone. Your behavior is destroying any possibility of reconciliation.
Thanks all for your sound advices. I am really at a loss. Last night, and this morning, I begged for forgiveness but she refused to believe me, refused to believe that i really love her. But overall she is very considerate toward me, and she told me all the problems that she will be facing since she treasured that friend alot. Let me add, there was mark in the face for the slapping, and i guess that might made her more angry.
Could anyone suggest how much time gap should be there before i talk to her.
You're not getting it. It's over. You need to understand that you betrayed trust in a big way twice. The abuse that you both did to each other is an example of the fact that neither one of you is able to handle a deep committed relationship. Could be that neither one of you is mature enough, but you definitely proved it by cheating on her.
Respect her wishes as she requests of you - and move on. Try to learn from your mistakes and not continue to compound matters by disrepecting her requests. The foundation of this relationship has cracked and anything permanent that might come of it is doomed.
Also, by her talking ill of her friend with you, even before you betrayed that confidence, showed that she wasn't being a good friend to her then, either.
Quote:But overall she is very considerate toward me, and she told me all the problems that she will be facing since she treasured that friend alot. Let me add, there was mark in the face for the slapping, and i guess that might made her more angry.
You have ruined one of her friendships and slapped her face hard enough to bruise.
She's not being "considerate" to you--unless you count how her careful explanation of how you have complicated a friendship.
She's trying to get rid of you. She doesn't trust you not to hurt her again, emotionally or physically.
The romance is over.
Can anything be done at all? I cannot bear this. I am hoping against hope. Even earlier she used to call it quit whenever she gets angry, and i could calm her down. can anyone suggest any way to make her come back??
Bohne & others,
I am very happy to inform you all that we have patched up. Thank you all for all your advice. I am on top of the world!!!
(shaking my head in disbelief)
WOW, if it's not too much too ask:
How did that come about so quickly now!
Oh,please. He'll be back in a week, heartbroken, because they had another fight and they've parted ways again.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make the damned thing a rocket scientist.
[quote="blacksmithn"]Oh,please. He'll be back in a week, heartbroken, because they had another fight and they've parted ways again.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make the damned thing a rocket scientist.[/quote]
I hope you are wrong, but it DOES sound extremely likely!
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace