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Sun 15 Oct, 2006 05:15 am
I know my english is not excellent. So, in order to improve it, I am asking for your help. This is my essay, maybe the topic seems boring but please read it through and correct my mistakes. Thanks ahead!
Question:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
"People should sometimes do thing that they do not enjoy doing."
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
The essay:
No one like being forced to do things they really do not enjoy. However, sometimes in your life, you should do something you really hate to do. Maybe because it is good for yourself or for everyone else. Therefore, the statement : "People should sometimes do thing that they do not enjoy doing" is a wise advice for those who hardly care about what they are not interested in; perhaps will feel regret and pay the price after that, sometimes very expensive.
Seems that finding a person who never do thing contrasting with his like is an impossible effort. In fact, we can not refuse that we do not only live for ourselves but also for others. People in community can not survive without others' help, so we must think of everyone before making a decision, whether it harms someone or bothers them in someway that you did not expect, or not. For example, you are a crazy fan of rock and dislike listening to rockers' music by headphone, for consider it too boring. Alright, it is your own hobby, but it bothers others when you turn the stereo on loudly late at night and keep everyone in your neighbor out of sleep. In this case, you should sacrifice your love for this noisy music and use the headphone instead. As the result, everyone has sympathy for you and in turn, they may also cancel their dream holiday to help you take care of your children, for instance. Those make the human society better and better everyday.
In addition, regret, a common feeling in our lives, often comes after doing something wrong, even it sounds suitable for your enjoyment at first. As we all know, human' interests can change as time goes by, depends on some defined factors from outside. Therefore, it is possible when in the last minute, everything looks interesting to you, but it immediately turns into boring the next minute. Nothing is impossible. Remember, being a good listener is also an important key to succeed in your work. My close friend is a real experience. When she was on the pathway to chose her profession, she had made a big mistake that spoiled all her life: become a singer. Indeed, she sang quite well and loved being a superstar. But it was beyond these things so far to be a celebrity. I remembered at that time, her parents had to talk her out many times, use all their experience in life to explain the right way for her. However, she did not change her mind and stepped on the way with no concept what it is like. Inevitably, she is very miserable and despair now and always wish to be able to turn over everything.
Some are satisfied with what they have chosen, what they are really fond of. But almost does not. In conclusion, reexamining your enjoyment carefully and making a good choice assist prevent you from being regretful so much in life. Do not hestitate choosing the weird that are different from your fondness if you regard it the best way at the moment. Because God knows, maybe it will turn out to be a great challenge necessary for the next step on finding the right place for you.
Your essay is clearly written by a person learning our monstrous language. However, you do pretty good, and your thought shines through the errors of construction. Here is the essay as I would edit it:
No one likes being forced to do things they don't enjoy. However, sometimes you should do things you really hate to do. Why? Because it's may be good for you or for everyone else. Therefore, the statement: "People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing". That is wise advice for those only are interested in doing what they please, and who later might later regret their actions. Sometimes the price might be very expensive.
It seems that finding a person who never does anything they dislike in impossible. In fact, it can not denied that we do not liver for ourselves alone. People can not survive without the help of their communities. So we must think about others before making decisions that might harm or bother them. For example, you are a fan of Rock and dislike listening to music on headphones. You like listening to the stereo turned up loud at night, but it keeps everyone in the neighborhood awake. In this case, you should sacrifice you love of noisy music and use headphones instead. Instead of being angry with you, your neighbors will have sympathy for you and may help you when you need it. It is in this way that we make society better each day.
Regret is a common feeling in our lives. We may do something we enjoy that is wrong, and later regret it. Our interests can change as we grow older, as time goes by and fashions change. What seems interesting to you may in a minute turn into something boring. Nothing is impossible. Being a good listener is an important key to success in your work. Here is an experience that happened to a close friend of mine. When she was choosing her profession she made a big mistake and decided to become a singer. She sang well and wanted to become a singing superstar. I remember at the time her parents tried to talk her out of it. She ignored their greater experience in life, and decided to become a singer anyway. She had no concept of what it was really like, and inevitably became miserable. She is now always in despair and wishes she could change things back to the way they were.
Some who choose what they are really fond of are satisfied with their choices, but others are not. In conclusion, careful consideration of your choices may prevent later regrets. Don't hesitate choosing to do things you don't enjoy if you think it might be better in the long run. Because, God knows it may turn out to be the great challenge necessary for the next step in finding your right place in the world.
Here are a few thoughts that might help your writing.
Keep your sentences simple and short. Subject (Noun)/Verb/Object is a good basic sentence order. English has a sequential character to it, and if you get the sequence out of order it will be difficult for the reader to understand. A simple declarative sentence in the active voice is much less likely to run into grammatical problems. Try shooting for around 14 words to the sentence, and about three or four sentences to the paragraph.
Be careful of number and tense. Beginning English students frequently mix plural and singular forms. This shows up when the wrong verb form is used. "One" IS, and "many" ARE. It's easy to get confused, because there are exceptions to the rule. English is filled with exceptions.
Generally, its bad form to begin a sentence with "And", or "But".
is it just me? Because i think your essay is kinda off topic.. *just my opinion*
Bluesky,
I've edited the first paragraph of your paper. My changes are in red. Sorry I couldn't do the whole thing. I don't have time now. I'll come back later if I can. Or maybe someone else can edit the next paragraph.
Question:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
"People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing."
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
The essay:
No one likes being forced to do things they really do not enjoy. However, sometimes in your life, you should do something you really hate to do. Maybe because it is good for you (delete self) or for everyone else. Therefore, the statement, (delete colon) "People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing" is (delete a) wise advice for those who hardly care about what they are not interested in; perhaps will feel regret and pay
pay the price, which can be very high.
Sorry. The last sentence got lost.
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