NO sex drive

Hi Nicole. Welcome to A2K. I would say that no, if he's making excuses that's not normal. It could be a physical problem with him, maybe emotional, it's hard to say really. Did he suddenly stop wanting sex from you? Or has it be a gradual decline over a period of time? Have you tried to talk to him about it? Maybe it would be a good idea to think about bot of you seeking counseling together.

It has been a gradual decline. Yes i have talked to him and he says he just doesn't think about sex and it has nothing to do with me.

Maybe it would be a good idea to ask him if he's willing to see a doctor to find out if there is something physical going on with him.

This might sound mean but.....

That's a lie. It does have to do with you because you are his wife and he either desires you or he doesn't. Now, I am not saying it's your fault. Please understand there is a distinct difference between fault and reason. You may be the reason he isn't having sex with you (see below) but it doesn't mean you are at fault for it (your looks, personality or behavior didn't cause it) Does that make any sense? Probably sounds meaner than I intended it to.

Whether he doesn't desire you for physical reasons or emtional reasons, for him to say it doesn't have anything to do with you is just silly...and untrue. I'd take it very personally if my husband stopped having sex with me and refused to divulge why...and when he did, said it had nothing to do with me but he "just didn't want to have sex". What? Why?

Dips in sexual desire are NORMAL but going long periods of time without sex in a marriage can be unnerving and can signal something is wrong. Maybe 2 months isn't so long for a particular couple. But it is obviously too long for you and you are feeling something is not right. He should be open and honest with you and tell you what's going on.

There are three scenarios here:

1 -- It might be physical, in which case he needs to talk to you and if he feels he can't tell you, the problem is your lack of intimacy (other than sex). The physical issue (which is his alone) then turns into an emotional issue, which concerns you both. He feels he can't tell you and that has at least half to do with you (You are the other half of the equation of your marriage)

2-- If it's not physical, then it has to do with you in a emotional/physically attractive way. ie, he doesn't love you anymore, has found someone else...etc, etc. Now please don't think I've called you fat or ugly or bitchy or anything like that. Again refer to my opening paragraph.

3-- He is just in a dry spell. He might be tired. Stressed. There are many things that can cause a decreased sex drive.

I doubt its number three but had to throw it in there.

Sit him down and tell him that you are personally effected by his lack of desire to have sex and excuses to me sound like it is you.

Or, it could be emotional. How does he seem otherwise? Could he be depressed?

I just realized that my post may not have come out right.

I hope you understand what I was trying to say. I am not blaming you or saying you are definitely the reason he doesn't want to have sex. But in my opinion, when a spouse doesn't want to have sex and doesn't want to talk about it, there has to be a reason for it....and I would feel like it was me if that were the situation in my marriage.

How long have you two been married/together?

It could be all sorts of things. Even something as simple as he doesn't realize that 'the honeymoon period' is not supposed to last forever.

Just throwing the idea out there. Lots of people fall into that trap. Everything is great in the beginning - perhaps too much emphasis on the chemical aspect of the relationship.

This could be normal. Maybe a time for developing new depth and communication, or busting some old expectations that may be hanging around.

Just what I would do: talk, and focus on the intimacy/communication aspect for while...observe what is going on there...see how he is doing...

We have been together 4 years and married 2 of those years. Thanks for all the input

any kids?

yes we have a baby that is 4 months but the problems where there way before we had him or i ever got pregnant.

Well, did he EVER like having sex with you?