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Thu 28 Sep, 2006 07:07 pm
so starting in June of 2005 i met this girl who I really started to like, the one catch was that she had a boyfriend. I backed off but still hung around her as a friend until we ended up kissing one day and from that point on things moved forward. For months after that we continued to see eachother intimately while she was with her boyfriend, and the entire time it made me very uncomfortable, I told her numerous times things would end unless she broke it off with him, she told me she was trying and then one day she finally told me she had done it.
So after that we become very close, but she still kept seeing her ex, which I told myself to be cool with because I didnt want to be the controlling, jealous boyfriend. This kept happening but then he would call her and she would say let me call u back later (after i had left) and she would go see him at his school and lie to me about it. Things like that started to happen.
So once again, I chose to be understanding and trust her when I confronted her about it and she denied it. Now at this point, we had been together for about a year and I was just really uncomfortable with it all but I couldnt bring myself to leave, until I really started hearing about her "ex" back in the picture. I ended up leaving her but I come to find out later on that she never broke up with him, she was with him the entire time we were together!
The summer goes by, I move on (or so I think) and i start at college and all these girls wanna hang out. Im loving it because what guy wouldnt until I start seeing that I have developed some serious trust issues that have emotionally gotten to me to the point where I cant open up to a girl or let her into my life beyond just kissing her because Im afriad of the same thing happening to me again.
Ive wanted to speak to my "ex" and tell her how much she has screwed me up but I didnt want to give her the sick satisfaction of knowing that, nor did I wanna come across as helpless, nor did I wanna speak to her again out of anger....
I dont know what to do though, Im at a point where i do feel like im just screwed up by what has happened and I cant trust anyone...someone please help
You have zero reason to allow that girl to give you trust issues. Think of it...she cheated on her boyfriend with you. She obviously wasn't the most emotionally stable person, or at least didn't have the same morals as you when it comes to relationships.
Even though you'll find the majority of women are f*cked in the head to some degree(ok, people in general), it doesn't mean everyone cheats.
You should have left her long ago. You knew she was still hanging out with her ex...bad news.
I can maybe help you some i was just like done like this.
Hey i know how you fell i was done like this like 2 weeks ago man the girl of my life has just done this to me and no matter what i do i just cant get the 1st kisses out of my mind,,,,,,Man about the best thing you can do is find the girl you want to spend time wid and just get to talking to her 1day and tell her how you were done and man it may take some effort but if you do it you will fell alot better trust me i know this is hard tell the next girl that you go out wid if you fell like they are cheating on oyu that you will not tollerate it at all i hope the best on your case bcuz i know how it fells being that ive been done that way man i cryed to 1 of my friends and i never thought i would do something like that,,,,,And i know 1 thing it really hurts alot more win they promise to stay wid you the rest of your life and they lie to you
but i really hope the best to you maybe i cant help you like you need but i did try. :wink: By the way my name is Adam
Slappy is right on.
The good news is that the trust issues are all
yours. The ex has no power over you. So you get to change it.
It's not so much was exy did to you, as what you did to yourself. You gave yourself a strong internal message "I do not deserve to be with somebody trustworthy.", so now it needs 'deprogramming'.
I understand you did not know she was stayed with her bf the whole time.
However, you knew she had a bf from the beginning. And you chose to pursue her anyways. That isn't good for you. You deserve better. Can't build trust like that.
Good luck. Take things slow. Have fun getting to know a person - and pass up the ones with bf this next time.
The girl cheated on her ex, the girl cheated on you.The common factor there is the girl.
Dont let it ruin any other relationships.
past relationships
I have felt that way before too in my past relationships. The other day I was listening to Dr Laura on the radio and she made a very good point with something similar. She gave the advice:
Pretend you were attacked by a bear one day walking in the forest and you were hurt very bad. Should you be afraid of every furry animal?..... No you only be afraid of the bear!
The same thing works for you. This girl was obviously playing you hard and that is too bad but why would you want to be with someone who wants to hurt you?
So look at the characteristics that she had and when dating your next girl make sure that she doesn't do the same things that she did make sure she doesn't have the same characterstics like your bear!!! and when you meet that nice girl! ( well pretend she is a dear?) you wouldn't run away from the dear! because the dear will not hurt you!
After that you just have to have self control when you start having tendencies feeling like there is something to not trust! Look at the facts! if there is really something to be concerned about get out of there. Otherwise you have to your remind yourself that this is not a bear it is a dear and there is nothing to be afraid of.
Every animal with fur also has teeth
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