THE BRITISH THREAD

Steve-

The making of a pitch is a very difficult art. With the quality of bowling and batting at the top level getting the correct balance is fiendish.

The correct balance is of course a full house on the fifth day including media audiences. The groundsman also tends to search for a formula which will favour the home side's strengths and neutralise some of the strengths of the opposition.

Any groundsman, with these types of players, could easily make a pitch where a test match was over in 120 overs or one which produced massive scores and a draw.

Think of how much money has been lost to the game by this 3 day pitch.

There are also variables over which the groundsman has no control. Such as how long the umpires stay on when it is drizzling or how long it takes to get the covers on in a sudden downpour. Then there's humidity, temperature and cloud cover and the ball itself is not that consistent. And bowler's footholes.

Thus I think "poor" is too strong a word.

Flintoff should have bowled when he won the toss but to do that is a very hard decision. To lose after putting the opposition in is like having your trousers fall down at an investiture and to lose after declaring is even worse.

Monte Panasar has been voted Beard of the Year with Fidel Castro second and the Archbishop of Caterbury third.

I think the umpires were reluctant with lbws in order to get the game to last as long as it did. Once it became obvious that a fourth day's play was unlikely or not worth the bother they were happy to revert to the usual standards.

But it must be admitted that Australia were much the better side in every department of the game. And great to watch.

I think that they sent Germaine Greer over here to start feminism going and then Mr Murdoch to wind it up so that our men became unfit to play cricket against a side with little or no feminism or PC. There must be some deep explanation when a population of 20 million can thrash a population of 60 million.

Steve, Spendi could never upset me. Well, I guess there's one way - but if I tell you he might read it so I'll whisper it.

He might say he's coming with!

Is there a lot of soy consumption in England?

Must say, Tarah

You have to take what our spends says with a pinch of salt. He only dishes if he knows you can give back - and he takes quite a lot of flak himself - with good grace. I would love to spend time with spends, he would be an ideal travelling companion... never boring!

Same for Ellpus, if anybody has had to take shite on here - it's him... and he keeps coming back. He has helped me so much this year, he's infinitely optimistic, very funny and a dear friend. I like him sooo much...

In fact I like everyone on this thread - I feel a group hug coming on!

OK, back to the cricket now...

...or is it over already?

Did we win? :wink:

x

Yes we won.

Hey, have you noticed how it's only the losing team who complain about the pitch?

But both teams play on it.

Funny, that.

Hey up Spendi, must be that time of year again for you, or is it a monthly periodical inflammatory ill being that creates your adversity to travel and the use of jet airliners?


Taking one of your little comments for the present, I would live out there if I wasn't saddled with so many commitments here in the good old UK and my wife would not want to spend the rest of her life away from her immediate family or Lord Street.

Do you never feel like a spare part or an extra prick at a wedding? Everybody I know takes a holiday on average once a year. Perhaps your in a class of abnormalities even Tony Blair is shacking up with the Bee Gees, no doubt for a bit of extra marital relationships if the rumours regarding their marriages are true.I can't say I'd be of a mind to give one of that scouse gets kids a roll in bed though.

That's a good alternative for a continental breakfast don't you think; A roll in bed with honey?

I've been forced to buy a lot of materials from Bang and Quang this last couple of days too, not a builders merchant open for miles around. All these buggers wasting time on a winter holiday doing now two weeks sat on their arses scoffing all the wrong grub, swallowing pint after pint and all the shorts, no wonder the country is in the dumps. We need a revolution, the A2k Brit forum takeover. I bet I could find you a good post in the new order of things too.


(Aside: Locate government office for Spendi-Chief Executioner could be worth a thought)

Executioner!!!???

Are you kidding.

Put all those screws and probation officers etc out of a job.

What would you consider a capital offence in your Dictatorship of the A2Kiat?

I think mr blair deserves a holiday. But I'm against capital punishment, even for Saddam. Has anyone sent the ex president of Iraq a Happy New Year card?

Have refrained from the ibroprofen Dr Spends, thought I should let you know. 3 pints McMullens 'Festive Stout' (incorrectly asked for Christmas Ale, for which I was roundly condemned) plus several paracodal/codeine do the job.

spendius wrote: What would you consider a capital offence in your Dictatorship of the A2Kiat?

This from a a2k poster who has been "free" to express his own unique opinions. LOL

right ci

1. being called Spendius, spendy, spendi, suspendy

2. Spend spendifimus

3. mathos, or variations thereof

I always knew parrots had a sense of humour when one ripped a metal star off my jacket (ok I was young) in the botanical gardens, Sheffield.

Beats me.

Is that the chocolate beer you mentioned the other day?

No.

It's the soy sauce you mentioned the other day.

"Soy ya wanna boogie baby?"

Speaking of parrotts I bought one the other day, A norweigen blue parrott.
I think its dead though. Should I take it back?

I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.

I'm having a hard time decoding (and translating in French) cricket terms:

slips, silly mid-on et third man.

Any takes?

Yes. I'm not absolutely sure if they use chocolate or special hops with a distinct chocolate aroma. It does taste a bit chocolatey at first. Also quite strong about 6.5%.

No idea mate. But if you find out please pass on info to Andrew Flintoff, England Cricket Team Captain c/o Sydney Cricket Ground, Sydney Australia.

I'd make sure it was run with a rod of iron Spendi:- That would ensure you knew that any failure on your behalf with regards to neglect of your duty would be a major criminal offence.

Every major city would have a stadium built for the monthly 'games' which would of course be televised, we would need gladiators and other such attractions, food for the lions and tigers. You would operate from the new Wembley Stadium, familiarise yourself with the methods of hanging, drawing, and quartering, the paying public and those paying the £50..00 for the televised sky shots into their parlours want to see action, lots of it.

All offences are capital offences if the lion and tiger food is low, sheesh, we don't want to be keeping too many in prisons, do we? The probation officers and screws would be offered alternative work such as ensuring the gladiators were suitably trained to put on a good show.


All the very best for The New Year to each and every reader, especially my new friend and associate Lord Ellpus.