MOOCHERS!

Just start whistling "Minnie the Moocher" whenever they ask for something....

Huh?

Okay, I don't mean to be thick but the whole thing seems weird.

I'm going to make some assumptions, tell me if I'm wrong.
They don't ask for:

• personal articles of clothing (underwear)
  
• garbage (old candy wrappers, banana peels)
  
• anything else?

And they ask for everything else? I don't get it. Like I said, maybe I'm being thick about it, but are they asking for things back that they've given you? I guess it's the whole thing about the trash that's throwing me. Also, when you come there, I have to assume you don't pack your entire house. It should be obvious that if you're staying for 3 days and have 3 shirts packed that you need them all. Can't just a simple "No, I'm using it." suffice?

Would it work to have something to give them -- anything -- to get them off your backs, or would that arouse their behavior even more? By that I mean, give them a sweater and then they're happy for the rest of the visit, or do they constantly needle you?

If they continually needle, some of that seems like it's not quite right in the head. Tell me, is their house a huge jumbled mess of material possessions? If so, it may be a case of Collyers' Mansion. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collyer_brothers If that's what's going on there, then it can be a symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

yep, it's only two letters, but for some reason they're the hardest two letters to string together.

They're especially hard to string together without adding a whole lot of excuse-like explanations that aren't necessary, given the items are yours in the first place. But the simple response of "no" is best.

Jespah, I didn't explain it very well. Here is an example. I have some nice wood in the shed, they have said(and this IS a quote) MIL"Hey, since your not using that lumber can we have it?" LL "No(laugh) I'll use it somewhere." MIL "Yea, but your not using it now and we'd like to use it on part of our deck." LL wife "Jeez Mom." MIL "WELL, ITS JUST SITTING THERE."

Same similar conversation in our house with some antiques we have. Not clothing, that was a joke.

Another example: we were taking a weekend vacation, mil said she would love to go. Wife never asked, get back and mil said "must be nice to be able to go to _________, I would have liked to go."

Just winey crap. They went with us one time, they asked and wife said ok. That was the last time. They paid for NOTHING. No gas, food or anything! When the check would come mil would say "thank you for dinner, that was nice of you." I'd look at my wife, she'd give me the look of "just pay it and lets get outta here." I don't mind if I offer, I'll pay. MIL pick the restraunt so I figured it would be their treat. Wrong.

They have paid for their part of a meal before. It was pizza, mil said "pizza was $9.99 and we ate 4 slices. Here is what we owe you." It was $4.95. She used a calculator, no tax and her actual total was $4.995 without tax. Yes it was less than a dollar that they shorted us, but that little crap really pisses me off. It must cause I still remember it.

I could write a book, but this is enough to get the hint.

I can top you--with Mr. Noddy's ex-in-laws.

Thirty years ago when we were still courting (and our romantic-type courting was limited by his six sons and my two) Mr. Noddy's ex-father-in-law appeared in a car borrowed from Mr. Noddy's ex-brother-in-law.

The two men had not spoken since the divorce.

Ex-F-i-l's car had broken down. Would Mr. Noddy fix it?

No? Well, would Mr. Noddy lend his tools? (Ex-F-i-l had an established history of not returning borrowed tools).

No? Well, would Mr. Noddy "lend" him the money to fix the car? (Ex-F-i-l was even less likely to repay money than return tools).


Meanwhile, I had been introduced, but was completely ignored.

Completely. "How do you do?"

Silence.

"Would you like a cup of coffee?"

Silence.

Then ex F-i-l ran out of cigarettes. He asked me for cigarettes, noted that they weren't his brand, broke the filter off, smoked it and complained about the taste. Then he asked for another cigarette. And a third. Then he wanted one final cigarette for the road.

Lucky Lad--

Moochers is moochers.

Is your wife embarassed by their behavior?

WOW Noddy. He's not only a mooch, but also an ass!

Yes my wife is embarassed by this. It is mainly her mom that has some bad "attitudes". Her dad could say something, but he's just there for the ride. MIL is basicly very selfish, and thank God her daughters see this and try not to be like her.

Don't get me wrong the inlaws can be great people to be around, but I couldn't sit in a car for more than 3 hrs with them. Someone would die! :wink:

Just keep saying no. Maybe she'll eventually stop asking, maybe not, but she can't mooch unless you let her. Be sweet as pie and offer to get her a cup of coffee, a beer, whatever, as long as you offer, but don't give her anything she asks for.

I'll bet it burns her ass every time you say no. Let that be a comfort to you...

You are all correct. A mooch can only be a mooch if we let them. It's the guilt trips my wife hates, then gives in. I'm the same way.

I guess the answer I was look'n for was, "Tell them to go to hell!"

After the last deal I told my wife not to borrow or take ANYTHING from her parents. They just use that as leverage to get what they want of ours.

It's our own fault they mooch.

Eureka. You have it.

You can also get some private amusement by saying, "I'm sorry, no--but I'm glad you asked."

You can also call her Queen of the Recyclers.


Your m-i-l won't know whether her greedy-gut behavior is being discouraged or reinforced.

You can always use the opportunity to bring up previously loaned items.

"No, we plan to use that, but now that you mention it I'd like to get that tea set back that you borrowed...."




And ask the waiter to separate the check at the beginning of the meal....

And perhaps you can, while paying the check, say, "Great, then you'll get the next one!" Smile while you do that.

It probably won't do much, but it will at least make you feel a bit better.

You're right, they're not gonna change and they do it because, well, they can. Kudos to you and your wife for attempting to have any relationship with them at all, despite your mother-in-law's obvious lack of boundaries, but you don't need to be a doormat and you don't need to concede every time.

LuckyLad--

Your greedy in-laws seem to be an issue on which you and your wife not only communicate but agree.

Gotta give them points for that.

WE DO NOT HAVE TO GIVE THEM POINTS FOR THAT!!! :wink: See what I mean?! Now there take'n points from us!!! :wink:

Yes we do talk about it, but not much, and if we do it's just us two in the room. No need for the kids to hear about it. And it can't be good for my wife to hear all the bad points about her parents. I usually play "devils advocate" in these situations. Sometimes I can clear things up, sometimes I go down swinging. It makes a person think when you take the other side.

Also everyone is greedy in some way or extent. I'm greedy of my wife & kids. Someone else might be greedy for my wife. :wink: Joke there, nobody take that wrong.

As long as you two are united against the invaders. Two are stronger than one.

Great advice here, LL... I have a couple more for ya:

1. When at their place, play their game. Walk around and notice something and ask for it. Whine. Demand why not. Pout.

2. When next at a restaurant, say, "Oh, I didn't bring my wallet", or "Your turn" or tell the waiter, "Give them the bill", and just keep doing it until they suggest going dutch.

3. I wouldn't give them any points, either!!

Good for your wife - it's nearly always hardest on the offspring. And good for you, too.

Take pleasure in saying, No.... in time you will come to love their visits in anticipation of refusing them

Instead of saying No each time they ask for something that's yours, just say "Wal mart has it," or "I think they have some left at the gift shop in puerto rico, or maybe you can find it on ebay"