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Co-workers

 
 
Treya
 
Reply Thu 10 Aug, 2006 11:05 am
Alright, I'm pretty heated right now and I need to vent. So please excuse this little blurb... I am so at a loss right now and sooooo close to quitting my job. These people aggravate the hell right out of me. Staff meetings... what's the point of staff meetings when you have managers who won't stand up for what's right? Who let staff members who are obviously talking amongst themselves about the staff they don't like and pushing issues that really don't even have to be issues if people would ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE with the person they have a problem with.

Further more, there is such an air of competition at my work to "win over the new people." Yes, it is split right down the middle. Now, I'm not prejudice so please don't take this wrong but this is seriously how it is... the black people against the not black people. Not necessarily white people, but people who aren't black in the true essence of the word. I don't want to win any new people over. That's not my goal. I want to help these friggin kids and it gets harder every day because of the undercurrent of gossip, lies, and unwillingness to communicate.

I have taken this to the management. Yes, THE MANAGEMENT. Who promised to start dealing with stuff because there was one HUGE situation a few weeks ago where there was an issue with me and another staff member. I pulled her aside to talk to her about it. Immediately one of her friends was like, "Oh no girl you ain't going in there with her alone. You gotta have someone to back you up." (which you realize this kind of thing only breeds more distrust right?) So anyway, whatever, I don't care come on in. So we talked, I apologized because obviously my intentions were misunderstood in what I did and I wanted to clarify that my intentions were not ill towards her or anyone else.

So... what happens next? THE VERY NEXT DAY they took everything I said, twisted it, took it to management saying I had confessed to some heinous crime in an effort to get me fired. FIRED. Me. What the hell? I was trying to do the right thing and that's what you give me in return? Now when I say "they" I don't just mean the two who I had spoken with. Oh no. Not them. Their groupies who weren't even there or involved in that conversation or situation. So... the question becomes, "How exactly did they hear about it?" Hmmmm....

So... moving on lets talk about management shall we? These "yahoo's" are completely clueless how to manage people. Instead of setting an example and actually dealing with issues they are adding fuel to the fire. They are right in there on "both sides" saying their share and making up stories. Arrgh... Here's an example... So one of my bosses comes up to me a little over a week ago in private and says, "Robin, I am going to be leaving within the next six months and would like to groom you for the supervisor position. That's not a guarantee you'll get it, but it would help if you already knew how to do the things that need to be done." I'm like, "Ummm... ok. That's fine."

Then she swore me to secrecy about it. No problem. I wouldn't want to wave something like that in peoples faces. It would only piss them off. I'm not usually in the business of intentionally pissing people off. Though I do occasionally get on a kick or two here and there if someone REALLY pisses me off. Anyway, THE VERY NEXT DAY, my friend from work calls me and tells me this supervisor just called her at home to tell her that she was grooming me for the supervisor position, making it sound to her as though as if she was really the first choice, but because she has a family and can only work part time she choose me instead. Alright... NOW you done pissed me off. I said not a word to my friend about the fact that I had already been talked to about it by the supervisor. No need to piss her off too eh?

I wanted to jack her up. I was that angry. But I waited. Decided to cool off a bit before I went in there and lost my job. Then a week later as I'm just getting cool enough to talk about this, my friend tells me, after speaking with another person who used to work there but had to quit due to illness this supervisor had PROMISED the supervisor position to him if he would come back to work. Of course she was a bit ticked too after what she had been told. So I finally told her the whole story. I went into work that day ready... man was I ready to give her a piece of my mind. Job, no job, screw it. Screw it all. Jail? Sure... why the heck not. I haven't been there in a while... (LOL just kidding)

My friend stopped me, talked a little sense into my one track mind, and so we decided to wait a little bit and talk to her together later on when I could be halfway reasonable. Didn't work out to do it that night because we were pretty busy with the kids. She hasn't been back since. It's probably for the best. I didn't realize just how angry I really am until the staff meeting today. Just how tired I am of having to fight to do my job and do it right. Having to fight to keep my job just because people don't like me. How friggin immature can you be? Need I remind you (you being the staff members) I am no longer in high school. I didn't like it the first time. I don't really care to go through that again. Thanks for the offer though. I'm telling you this is quite honestly the worst "child care" agency I have ever worked for. The staff have just as many problems, if not more problems, than the kids we are dealing with. So no one's problems are being dealt with. Kids or staff.

*sigh*

Alright. Venting session is over. I feel a little better now. Thanks for reading.
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mac11
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Aug, 2006 11:10 am
Wow, hep, is your resume up to date? It sounds like you need a new job!
0 Replies
 
Treya
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Aug, 2006 08:54 am
I'm on the fence right now actually. I have been looking. But not too hard most of the time. I get aggravated and frustrated with it, then I get over it and can seem to move on for a while. It seems to depend on how involved in the crap I allow myself to get. I was so peeved after this meeting I didn't talk to anyone for two days. And then when I did it was to confront one of my supervisors about her part in all this and one of my co-workers because she has been lingering around when I'm on my cell phone trying to listen to what I'm saying. I was pretty stressed about all of it yesterday. I had concluded I was probably going to lose my job over this one.

By reacting the way I did I had pretty much handed my job to these people that have been trying to get me fired on a silver platter and they blew their opportunity. They have taken this whole thing and misconstrewed everything about it. So much so that it is blatantly clear just by the things they wrote that they are lying, trying to cover their own butts, and intentionally making this much bigger by involving people who have no business being involved. I wrote my letter of resignation yesterday. I was ready to quit. Until I realized a few things. First off just how petty I have become within and as a result of this situation. How much I have let these things aggravate me and get me all wound up, and that by quitting I would be giving them exactly what they want. I won't do that.

So for now I am staying. I am changing my attitude. I am walking away from all of this pettiness. None of that has helped the kids, my co-workers, or even myself. I can't guarantee I won't get aggravated again or frustrated. But I do believe things can change and are on the way to changing because this whole situation brought out a lot of things that have been under the surface since before I started working there. It is now up to management to deal with it. If they do, great. If they don't, well... I guess that's there choice and they have no room to complain if they are going to ignore the problems that are going on. I just know that I don't want to be involved in any more of those problems, or be the cause of them.

I had decided a month ago to give them until September to start changing things as they said they would in the meeting we had the first time these people tried to get me fired. So that is what I will do. I'll recheck myself in about three weeks, see where we are at with these situations, and then if I must I'll move on. I just needed to vent and get it out of my system. It really helped me to see some things I needed to see about all of this. It just took awhile to sink in I guess.
0 Replies
 
Treya
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Aug, 2006 09:40 am
I am going to church today. I'm going with a serious attitude for once. I'm just about to walk out the door but I couldn't go without first stopping and saying something here that just hit me like a ton of bricks. Today for the first time I heard the message my life screams to others. I heard it. I saw it. I felt it, and I understand it. I finally get just how it is that I push everyone away without intending to or wanting to. My life screams:

"I don't need you."

Even when I ask for help:

"I can figure this out on my own."

Even when I feel lonely and scared:

"I can do this on my own."

No matter what I say or how I say it

"I don't need you"

is the underlying message.

But I do. I really do.
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Aug, 2006 09:45 am
Hep-When people are so hell bent on being independent, the underlying fear is "what if I ask for help, and people refuse to give it"? It is basically a fear of becoming vulnerable, showing vulnerability, and then being rejected.
0 Replies
 
Treya
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Aug, 2006 11:41 pm
Yeah. You are right phoenix. Thanks.
0 Replies
 
Treya
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Aug, 2006 01:17 am
Things have gotten really bad at work. I could really use some advice. I wish now that I had even a 10th of the support that you guys give each other. I know I blew it here at A2K though and that makes me so unbelievably sad. I don't think I've ever felt quite as alone as I do this moment, sitting here looking at this box, not knowing the words to say to fix the mess I've made. Feeling like I really just don't have anywhere to turn anymore and even if I did it wouldn't matter because I'd find a way to screw it up as usual. Yeah... I don't know why I'm writing this really. I guess because I know I put on a tough shell, but I just want someone to see that I hurt too sometimes, and as much as I can tend to push people away, I do want to feel like that matters to someone.

Though it probably doesn't really matter in the bigger scheme of things. Because really... I'm just a person behind a keyboard you will never know. You will never see. You will never hear. To you I am not real. I am just a bunch of words on a screen, nothing more, nothing less. Yes, I am in fact really depressed right now. I'm tired of fighting and I want to give up some days. Perhaps tomorrow I will wake up and regret having written this. I don't know though because this is what is in my heart right now. It's ugly, and to some it might seem like nothing more than a whining session. But it's real. It's my heart, and it's all I've got. And I'm sorry if what I've tried to offer you is broken and not worth much sometimes, but I can't give you what I don't have, and I can't pretend to be something I'm not.

So sue me for feeling lonely sometimes. Sue me for slowly isolating myself over the last several years and not knowing quite how to get out of that. Sue me for wanting to feel needed, cared for, even accepted sometimes. Sue me for looking for somewhere I could find those things as well as give them. Sue me for looking on the internet for it. In this forum even. Sue me for crying because it didn't turn out as I hoped it would. Sue me for sharing those feelings with you now. But when it's all said and done the fact will still remain... My heart is what it is right now... Broken...
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Aug, 2006 11:22 am
Hephzibah--

I hope the world looks a bit more cheerful this morning.

You've had an exhausting year. You've made mistakes and repaired mistakes. You've created a lot of change in your universe and haven't given yourself time and space to adjust to the new order of things.

Do you mean you've "blown it here at A2K" by being preoccupied with the changes in your universe? I don't think anyone faults you for being survival-oriented.

Is the world more cheerful this morning?
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Aug, 2006 12:48 pm
hephzibah wrote:
Things have gotten really bad at work. I could really use some advice. I wish now that I had even a 10th of the support that you guys give each other. I know I blew it here at A2K though and that makes me so unbelievably sad.


Heph, I don't know where you keep coming up with this stuff. You've got over 2200 posts here, how can you possibly not be part of the 'each other'?

Quote:
I don't think I've ever felt quite as alone as I do this moment, sitting here looking at this box, not knowing the words to say to fix the mess I've made. Feeling like I really just don't have anywhere to turn anymore and even if I did it wouldn't matter because I'd find a way to screw it up as usual. Yeah... I don't know why I'm writing this really. I guess because I know I put on a tough shell, but I just want someone to see that I hurt too sometimes, and as much as I can tend to push people away, I do want to feel like that matters to someone.


I've had moments in the past of feeling totally alone too, so I can relate, but when it comes right down to it each of us are our own best friend. I've sure everyone has had those moments. They aren't fun, but I really don't see them as all that unusual.


Quote:
Though it probably doesn't really matter in the bigger scheme of things. Because really... I'm just a person behind a keyboard you will never know. You will never see. You will never hear. To you I am not real. I am just a bunch of words on a screen, nothing more, nothing less. Yes, I am in fact really depressed right now. I'm tired of fighting and I want to give up some days. Perhaps tomorrow I will wake up and regret having written this. I don't know though because this is what is in my heart right now. It's ugly, and to some it might seem like nothing more than a whining session. But it's real. It's my heart, and it's all I've got. And I'm sorry if what I've tried to offer you is broken and not worth much sometimes, but I can't give you what I don't have, and I can't pretend to be something I'm not.

So sue me for feeling lonely sometimes. Sue me for slowly isolating myself over the last several years and not knowing quite how to get out of that. Sue me for wanting to feel needed, cared for, even accepted sometimes. Sue me for looking for somewhere I could find those things as well as give them. Sue me for looking on the internet for it. In this forum even. Sue me for crying because it didn't turn out as I hoped it would. Sue me for sharing those feelings with you now. But when it's all said and done the fact will still remain... My heart is what it is right now... Broken...


Heph, I asked you a couple weeks ago where this was coming from. To be honest, I have no idea how you feel you've been rejected by the people here. I hear your anguish, but I'm not hearing what's behind it. I'm no therapist, but given what you've gone through in the past year, it doesn't surprise me in the least that you're depressed - probably clinically depressed. Are you seeing anyone professionally?
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Aug, 2006 01:09 pm
J_B wrote:
I've had moments in the past of feeling totally alone too, so I can relate, but when it comes right down to it each of us are our own best friend. I've sure everyone has had those moments. They aren't fun, but I really don't see them as all that unusual.


I think that's well-stated, and the center of it.

Heph, a lot of us are very willing to be sympathetic. Speaking for myself, I'm specifically turned off by the over-the-top stuff -- the "I know I blew it here at A2K" stuff and the "To you I'm not real" and all the rest of it. My immediate reaction to that sort of thing is something like "oh come ON." I don't deal very well with drama queens. That is not to say that I'm not willing and able to be sympathetic when people are going through a hard time -- if you simply said that you were having a hard time and some of why, I'd likely be right there with heartfelt sympathy and commisseration.

But you lay it on SO THICK that it's really hard to keep the sympathetic vibe.

Sorry to be blunt, I'm hoping that this feedback will help you get the kind of response you want to get.

I definitely second J_B's suggestion that you look for some professional help, if you haven't already. No shame in it, and can really do wonders.

Good luck.
0 Replies
 
Treya
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Aug, 2006 11:56 am
Noddy24 wrote:
Hephzibah--

I hope the world looks a bit more cheerful this morning.

You've had an exhausting year. You've made mistakes and repaired mistakes. You've created a lot of change in your universe and haven't given yourself time and space to adjust to the new order of things.

Do you mean you've "blown it here at A2K" by being preoccupied with the changes in your universe? I don't think anyone faults you for being survival-oriented.

Is the world more cheerful this morning?


Thanks Noddy. It's not looking more cheerful yet. I'm disappointed and angry at the world right now. It's no one's fault. It just happens. This too will pass.

J_B wrote:

Heph, I asked you a couple weeks ago where this was coming from. To be honest, I have no idea how you feel you've been rejected by the people here. I hear your anguish, but I'm not hearing what's behind it. I'm no therapist, but given what you've gone through in the past year, it doesn't surprise me in the least that you're depressed - probably clinically depressed. Are you seeing anyone professionally?


Thanks JB. I don't have an answer for you about where it's coming from. I'm not doing the super-duper-self-analyzation thing anymore. I got tired of cutting off my nose to spite my face. I can't afford to pay someone else to do it for me. I'm disappointed and angry at the world right now. It's no one's fault. It just happens. This too will pass.

sozobe wrote:

I definitely second J_B's suggestion that you look for some professional help, if you haven't already. No shame in it, and can really do wonders.

Good luck.


Thanks for your well wishes sozobe.
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Aug, 2006 12:29 pm
hephzibah wrote:

J_B wrote:

Heph, I asked you a couple weeks ago where this was coming from. To be honest, I have no idea how you feel you've been rejected by the people here. I hear your anguish, but I'm not hearing what's behind it. I'm no therapist, but given what you've gone through in the past year, it doesn't surprise me in the least that you're depressed - probably clinically depressed. Are you seeing anyone professionally?


Thanks JB. I don't have an answer for you about where it's coming from. I'm not doing the super-duper-self-analyzation thing anymore. I got tired of cutting off my nose to spite my face. I can't afford to pay someone else to do it for me. I'm disappointed and angry at the world right now. It's no one's fault. It just happens. This too will pass.


So there are no mental health clinics where you live? pm me your location and I'll help you look. Seriously, heph, being disappointed and angry at the world and waiting for those feelings to pass are a sure road to misery. They very well might pass on their own but they'll pass a whole lot sooner with the help of someone who knows what they're doing.
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Aug, 2006 12:44 pm
Heph--

J_B has some excellent points.

The times may be out of joint, but there is no need for you to sit and wait until the world around you improves.

If you're trying to love your neighbor, you must also try to love yourself--and love means a bit of emotional pampering when needed.
0 Replies
 
Treya
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Aug, 2006 02:01 pm
J_B wrote:
hephzibah wrote:

J_B wrote:

Heph, I asked you a couple weeks ago where this was coming from. To be honest, I have no idea how you feel you've been rejected by the people here. I hear your anguish, but I'm not hearing what's behind it. I'm no therapist, but given what you've gone through in the past year, it doesn't surprise me in the least that you're depressed - probably clinically depressed. Are you seeing anyone professionally?


Thanks JB. I don't have an answer for you about where it's coming from. I'm not doing the super-duper-self-analyzation thing anymore. I got tired of cutting off my nose to spite my face. I can't afford to pay someone else to do it for me. I'm disappointed and angry at the world right now. It's no one's fault. It just happens. This too will pass.


So there are no mental health clinics where you live? pm me your location and I'll help you look. Seriously, heph, being disappointed and angry at the world and waiting for those feelings to pass are a sure road to misery. They very well might pass on their own but they'll pass a whole lot sooner with the help of someone who knows what they're doing.


Thanks JB. I'm sorry but I can't pm you. My pm privileges have been suspended indefinitely due to inflating my post count to try and get pm privileges sooner back when I first started here. They could have suspended me indefinitely as well, but they didn't and I'm grateful. I do appreciate that you are willing to help me look though. I'll and see what I can find. I'm not opposed to talking to someone, I just don't have the money to pay them right now. Believe it or not I'm still trying to pay off bills from CT, as well as needing to save money to file for divorce in Dec. since "he's" not going to do it because he doesn't want to pay for it and has totally ignored my offer to pay half.

Noddy24 wrote:
Heph--

J_B has some excellent points.

The times may be out of joint, but there is no need for you to sit and wait until the world around you improves.

If you're trying to love your neighbor, you must also try to love yourself--and love means a bit of emotional pampering when needed.


Everything feels out of joint. Everything. It doesn't feel like I have any options right now but to wait. Wait for when I can file for divorce. Wait for when I can have that closure. Wait for whatever it is that's going to happen at work. Wait for the next check so I can pay a little bit more on the bills. Wait to have my own place until I can pay off the bills. Wait... and hope... that the world around me will improve some day. My world is crashing around me and for the first time in a very long time I can't seem to stop it. I'm tired of being responsible. I'm tired of trying to do the right thing and getting kicked in the teeth. I'm tired of trying to be good to others and being repaid by being taken advantage of, lied to, talked about, looked down on.

I'm tired of living in a place where nothing looks right anymore. Nothing looks fixable anymore. Not even me. I know better than that, but I'm having days sometimes where it's getting to the place where I don't care whether it is or isn't fixable. Where I feel beyond repair. Where I feel beyond even the desire to do what I need to do to repair myself because I think, "What for? So some other mother ****** can come along and break me again? Take everything I have and then sit back and watch my life crumble?" Because that exactly what it feels like is happening to me. And I'm tired. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I feel alone. I'm struggling again to keep my head above water financially. I'm struggling to keep this stupid job so I can pay my bills. I'm struggling just to hang on somedays. Just to want to believe that it will get better some day. And I'm scared. I'm scared that this time it won't get better. So yeah. I guess I probably do need to talk to someone.
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Aug, 2006 02:40 pm
Heph, I forget where in Florida you are now, but this seems to be a pretty good list of places that serve a low-income population (free or reduced fee):

http://www.fccmh.org/index.cfm?referer=content.fullAgencyList&id=32
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Aug, 2006 03:30 pm
Heph--

In the past you have found great comfort in your church. Have you talked to your minister?
0 Replies
 
Treya
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Aug, 2006 12:14 am
sozobe wrote:
Heph, I forget where in Florida you are now, but this seems to be a pretty good list of places that serve a low-income population (free or reduced fee):

http://www.fccmh.org/index.cfm?referer=content.fullAgencyList&id=32


Thank you sozobe. I appreciate that.

Noddy24 wrote:
Heph--

In the past you have found great comfort in your church. Have you talked to your minister?


I don't really have a minister anymore. I haven't for quite a while because I'm not a regular church attender anymore. I hesitate to go to anyone church related because of the things going on within this "christian" agency I work for. I have gone to church a couple of times with the one person from work who hasn't been trying to get me fired and her pastor seems pretty ok so far in my book. I wouldn't give him a gold star just yet, but maybe silver. Maybe he's not like the other "christians" I'm surrounded by right now. Maybe I can trust him to talk to him. He's free. So that's something he's got going for him right now.

Believe it or not I really don't think this is "clinical depression". If that means what I think it does that is. As in depression caused by a chemical imbalance. I'm really not always depressed. I'm really not always this hurt, frustrated, or hopeless feeling. I think I am right now because I'm completely overwhelmed with my life. With where I am. How I got here and how the hell I'm gonna get out of this mess. I want to quit this job so bad some days but then I look around for another job and realize just how unqualified I am for anything besides what I'm doing. That starts and unending chain of thoughts that brings me into a state of utter despair.

Up until now I've done a pretty good job of getting up and pushing on after a day or two of rolling in the mire. This time is scary. This time it's different because I feel like I'm in a vacuum getting sucked into it more and more every day. This time I've thought about suicide several times. Not because I want to die. I don't want to die. I just want the frustration and disappointment to stop. I just want to feel like I'm doing something right. Anything. In the last week I have gone to bed several times and prayed that I would not wake up in the morning because I'm finally exhausted from fighting. I'm finally tired of facing another day of THIS.

It's been at least a week and nothing seems to be letting up and I'm getting increasingly worse every day. My attitude sucks. My patience is gone. I went from working with a bunch of "non-christians" who were at least respectful, honest, and real with me. To work with a bunch of "christians" who will go to great lengths to get me fired for no good reason except that they don't like me for whatever reason. Which I have no clue about because they won't talk to ME about it. Lord know's I've tried. Add that into the mix of my feelings resulting from marrying the lovely "christian" man I married, and well... here I am. I want nothing more at this point than to "run back to God" as they would say.

But then I look around at the way "His people" are treating me and I think... OMG what the hell? All I gotta do is get off my butt and friggin do something. Anything. Just move in a direction. I can't seem to motivate myself because my "foundation" seems to be falling apart. My "out" in this situation... the one option I felt I had left once I'd tried everything I knew to do... is beating me to a bloody pulp. All in the name of my "God". So I have conflicting feelings about everything. What I should do. Where I should go. How to go about doing things. Who I should talk to. Who I can trust to talk to. Should I talk to anyone? Does anyone need to know? Will this pass this time? It doesn't appear so at the moment.

But that doesn't mean it can't change. That doesn't mean I can't change my perspective. That I can't get up and do something. That I have to lay here forever and feel overwhelmed and wish I were dead. So tonight maybe I can go to bed with a better outlook. Tonight maybe I can go to bed and think, "Maybe tomorrow will be better." rather than all the things that could or will go wrong. Maybe tonight I can go to bed and wish for a better tomorrow at least rather than wish for no tomorrow to come. It seems like that might be the most reasonable place to start here.
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Aug, 2006 07:42 am
Heph-

Quote:
Believe it or not I really don't think this is "clinical depression". If that means what I think it does that is. As in depression caused by a chemical imbalance


Sometimes plain, ordinary, donw-inb-the-dumps situational stress can turn into clinical depression. This happens when your psyche/immune system has taken on one crisis after another and loses the flexibility to cope. Your chemical balance moves from "coping with situational stress" to "depressed and unable to cope any more".

Crawling in a corner to heal may work with animals in the wild. You aren't an animal in the wild--you're a woman who is hurting. If your pet were wounded, you wouldn't put up with the crawl-in-a-corner-to-heal instinct--you'd find a vet.

Treat yourself in the same way you'd treat a wounded animal. Find a vet before you lose more of your life.

Hold your dominion.
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Aug, 2006 07:51 am
Quote:
Types of depression

The diagnostic category major depressive disorder appears in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders of the American Psychiatric Association. The term is generally not used in countries which instead use the ICD-10 system, but the diagnosis of depressive episode is very similar to an episode of major depression. Clinical depression also usually refers to acute or chronic depression severe enough to need treatment. Minor depression is a less-used term for a subclinical depression that does not meet criteria for major depression but where there are at least two symptoms present for two weeks.
[edit]

Major clinical depression

Major Depression, or, more properly, Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), is characterized by a severely depressed mood that persists for at least two weeks. Major Depressive Disorder is specified as either "a single episode" or "recurrent"; periods of depression may occur as discrete events or as recurrent over the lifespan. Episodes of major or clinical depression may be further divided into mild, major or severe. Where the patient has already had an episode of mania or markedly elevated mood, a diagnosis of bipolar disorder (also called bipolar affective disorder) is usually made instead of MDD; depression without periods of elation or mania is therefore sometimes referred to as unipolar depression because their mood remains on one pole. The diagnosis also usually excludes cases where the symptoms are a normal result of bereavement.

Diagnosticians recognize several possible subtypes of Major Depressive Disorder. ICD-10 does not specify a melancholic subtype, but does distinguish on presence or absence of psychosis.

* Depression with Catatonic Features - This subtype can be applied to Major Depressive episodes as well as to manic episodes, though it is rare, and rarer in mania. Catatonia is characterized by motoric immobility evidenced by catalepsy or stupor. This MDD subtype may also manifest excessive, nonprompted motor activity (akathisia), extreme negativism or mutism, and peculiarities in movement, including stereotypical movements, prominent mannerisms, and prominent grimacing. There may also be evidence of echolalia or echopraxia. It is very rarely encountered, and may not be a useful category.

* Depression with Melancholic Features - Melancholia is characterized by a loss of pleasure (anhedonia) in most or all activities, a failure of reactivity to pleasurable stimuli, a quality of depressed mood more pronounced than that of grief or loss, a worsening of symptoms in the morning hours, early morning waking, psychomotor retardation, anorexia (excessive weight loss, not to be confused with Anorexia Nervosa), or excessive guilt.

* Depression with Atypical Features - Atypicality is characterized by mood reactivity (paradoxical anhedonia) and positivity, significant weight gain or increased appetite, excessive sleep or somnolence (hypersomnia), leaden paralysis, or significant social impairment as a consequence of hypersensitivity to perceived interpersonal rejection. People with this can react with interest or pleasure to some things, unlike most depressed individuals.

* Depression with Psychotic Features - Some people with Major Depressive or Manic episode may experience psychotic features. They may be presented with hallucinations or delusions that are either mood-congruent (content coincident with depressive themes) or non-mood-congruent (content not coincident with depressive themes). It is clinically more common to encounter a delusional system as an adjunct to depression than to encounter hallucinations, whether visual or auditory.

[edit]

Other categories of depression

Dysthymia is a long-term, mild depression that lasts for a minimum of two years. There must be persistent depressed mood continuously for at least two years. By definition the symptoms are not as severe as with Major Depression, although those with Dysthymia are vulnerable to co-occurring episodes of Major Depression. This disorder often begins in adolescence and crosses the lifespan. People who are diagnosed with major depressive episodes and dysthymic disorder are diagnosed with double depression. Dysthimic disorder develops first and then one or more major depressive episodes happen later.

Bipolar I Disorder is an episodic illness in which moods may cycle between mania and depression. In the United States, Bipolar Disorder was previously called Manic Depression. This term is no longer favored by the medical community, however, even though depression plays a much stronger (in terms of disability and potential for suicide) role in the disorder. "Manic Depression" is still often used in the nonmedical community.

Bipolar II Disorder is an episodic illness that is defined primarily by depression but evidences episodes of hypomania.

Postpartum Depression or Post-Natal Depression is clinical depression that occurs within two years of childbirth. Due to physical, mental and emotional exhaustion combined with sleep-deprivation; motherhood can "set women up" so to speak for clinical depression. [6]

Premenstrual dysphoriais is a pattern of recurrent depressive symptoms tied to the menstrual cycle. The premenstrual decline in brain serotonin function is strongly correlated with the concomitant worsening of self-rated cardinal mood symptoms. [7] Of considerable clinical importance, the recent understanding of premenstrual dysphoria as depression points directly to effective treatment with Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) antidepressants. Previously, disrupting ovarian cyclicity had been the only recognized treatment. A recent review of studies of a number of SSRIs has revealed that they can effectively ameliorate symptoms of premenstrual dysphoria and may actually work best when taken only during the part of the menstrual cycle when dysphoric symptoms are evident. [8]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression


Heph, I know you need a job to get back on your feet, but does it need to be this job? Not sure where you are in FL, or the job market in your area, but what's holding you to this place?
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Aug, 2006 08:10 am
Heph, re: "clinical depression", you didn't say this but I want to assure you that dealing with it doesn't have to involve any drugs. I was deeply depressed for a while after I became deaf, and simply talking to a therapist helped enormously. The talking was all that happened, no drugs of any kind.

It sounds to me like you need one short-term goal to focus your energies on -- finding a non-religious free or low-cost therapist/ counselor sounds like a good one to me. Were any of the places on the list I posted near where you live? If you'd be comfortable posting the specific area you're in now, I can do a more specific search for you.
0 Replies
 
 

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