Sun 10 Nov, 2002 08:54 am
...Nothing that promotes hate, racial discrimination or anything like that. Just good-natured, tongue-in-cheek type quips, wit, drollery, jokes, one-liners, quotes and giggles here!
If you're reeeeally daring & up for some judgment, add your own nationality at the end so we'll all know what country to poke fun at next.
(edits: post & title updated)
Of course, America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
America is the only nation in history which has miraculously gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilisation.
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
California is a fine place to live. if you happen to be an orange.
New York is a city of 7,000,000 so decadent that when I leave it I never dare look back lest I turn into salt and the conductor throw me over his left shoulder for good luck.
I found there a country with thirty-two religions and only one sauce.
Charles-Maurice Talleyrand-Perigord, French statesman and diplomat
When good Americans die, they go to Paris; when bad Americans die, they go to America.
Well, I'm not big on racial slurs (plus my host won't permit them so one of the moderators would delete them) so I offer as racy as I can go:
On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere,
the following people are stranded :
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following had occurred :
1 Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "ménage-a-trois".
The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternative visits with the German woman.
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The 2 Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean and another
long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming....
The 2 Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The 2 Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor store/restaurant/laundry and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.
The 2 American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother has improved, and how the taxes are low and at least it isn't raining.
The 2 Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey. But, they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.
You all do realize that this thread is straddling a fine line, dontcha? What's been posted so far is amusing but I think we all know to draw the line at out-and-out racial slurs.
Don't want to be a party pooper, and I may have just pointed out the obvious, but better safe than sorry I always say. Thanks! :-D
Yeah for sure, & sorry I didn't already make that point, Jespah & Craven. :wink:
...I've rewritten my original post here to make this point very clear.
Let the show begin!
Reuters, Dublin. A light passenger plane crashed in a cemetary in Houth shortly after take-off this morning, apparently killing all on board. The local Gardai commander reports: "So far, we have recovered 382 bodies, but my men are still digging."
(And i'm Irish, for those of you who don't know the origin of my screen name.)
Another suicidal joke:
Why do Mexicans win so few medals at the Olympics?
Because all those who can swim, run or jump are in the US.
In European heaven...
the Swiss run the railroad;
the Germans are the mechanics;
the English are the cops;
the French are the cooks;
and the Italians are the lovers.
In European hell...
the Italians run the railroad;
the French are the mechanics;
the Germans are the cops;
the English are the cooks;
and the Swiss are the lovers.