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Mon 31 Jul, 2006 08:21 pm
So... I'm looking for some closure on my marriage. My "husband" has no intentions of spending $300 to file for divorce, though he most likely makes more in a week than I make in a month, and I can't file for divorce for five more months because I have to establish residency here in FL which takes six months. *sigh* I've been thinking though. I've gone back and forth a lot on different things. I stopped wearing my rings shortly after I kicked him out because it was tearing me up inside to look at them. I recently decided to start wearing them again though because like it or not, technically speaking I'm still married and I don't want to "misrepresent myself".
I've been having second thoughts about this though. Wearing the rings that is. I talked to a friend of mine not to long ago who said, "It was over when you realized in your heart it was over, so why are you going to keep something going that's really over?" Ok... good point. It is over. It's been over for quite awhile. So I've decided to get rid of the rings. Early on in our separation I had gone to a pawn shop to see what they were worth only to find out that according to this person they were only worth $40 for both of them. I didn't want big flashy rings, so I chose a very petite ring set with small diamonds. Which is fine, but hardly seems worth the drive to trade them in.
My friend suggested I "take a trip to the beach". I thought... Hmmm that could be a good idea... but then last night I had what I think could be a brilliant idea. My husband and I got married here in FL at a state park, out by the jetty's. I only live 10 minutes from where we got married, and I thought last night, "Why not go finish this where it started?" Maybe I could at least find a little closure if I were to do that. Not having closure sucks. Feeling like I'm in limbo and can only move "so far" until the divorce is final. I don't know if it's just my pattern of thinking that is telling me that though, or if it is in fact true. So I thought I'd throw this out here to see if anyone wanted to share some thoughts on this. I know ultimately I am the one who has to make the decision here, but I'd sure like to hear what you all think about this little predicament I'm in....
I'd probably combine your ideas - sell the rings, buy a fishing rod and some bait - go to the jetty and catch myself something for supper. Get something worthwhile out of it all.
... and well, you know, that whole 'teach a man to fish' thing ... it has a lot of meaning for me
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I've tossed stuff, burned photos, but the best result was when I managed to turn the 'ick' into something good ... like going fishing.
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Good luck with all of this, hephzibah. It's not easy.
Wow ehbeth that's an excellent idea! Thanks for that and for the well wishes. It isn't easy... but then again if it wasn't for fighting to get through the hard stuff we'd never get stronger eh?
Hi Hephzibah
If it were me, I'd probably slide the rings off, place them into a jewelry box somewhere, and let them lie silently. A ring is nothing more than a ring... that people place value on...what the owner makes of it, some have sentimental value attached, some rings are nothing more than a cute trinket no matter the cost....some are reminders of occasions some would rather forget....
It depends on whose wearing them and why?
So..if tossing them into the jetty's for fish bait would make you feel better, do so...they are yours, and they are what you make out of them.
P.S. But let me add this also..... I don't know what you gave for your ring set, but remind yourself what was paid, versus what the pawn shop told you they were worth. Is there a big difference? Simple or not, the pawn shop is only telling you what they want you to hear, they say.."They are only worth 40.00" , in reality, the would then offer you 25.00...So...think about it before you give them away....to a pawn broker. Take them to a jeweler and ask....
Hephzibah,
Closure isn't all it's cracked up to be in my opinion. In quite a few things in my life I always thought "if I just knew this" then I'd be okay with it all. Doesn't work that way, unfortunately. You get closure when you're ready for closure. Sure, you might technically be married for awhile longer, but you can have closure anyway. :wink:
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